Over the Transom and into the Garbage

go all emails that start like this:

How To Respond If Pope Francis Is the False Prophet

The quack hawking this should consider looking in the mirror if he is leading the torch-bearing mob on yet another nutty Reactionary Inquisition against the pope.

I never thought I’d see that day when Real Catholics[TM] would see themselves invested by the Holy Spirit to defend the Faith from the Pope. I say “Faith” not Church, because these Reactionaries hate 99% of their fellow Catholics as much as they hate Francis. It has become and abstraction to them, a simplified ideology of a few moral teaching they happen to like, plus a vision of imaginary liturgical perfection and, on a occasion, a miasma of creepy interpretation of private revelation filtered through an apocalyptic imagination. But it no longer has, for authors of junk like the stuff above, hardly any relationship to the actual Catholic faith. It’s not going to end well for this crap. Avoid it like the plague and stick with your ordinary, workaday Catholic parish of slobs and sinners in union with the pope and working out their salvation like the average schlubs we are.

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  • john smith

    BUT HOW DO WE RESPOND?!?

    Will he have special powers? Do I need to duct-tape my doors and windows?

    • James H, London

      No, you just need Blessed Candles. They’re the only thing that’ll work during the Three Days of Darkness.

      /sarc

      • Lee Penn

        And I think the blessed candles have to be made of beeswax, or you are out of luck.

        Lee

        • Will 51% suffice or does it have to be 100%?

          • Heather

            100%. From special holy bees that buzz prayers to each other in the hive. St Vespa the Absurd told me so in a dream.

  • Sally Wilkins

    If it’s the quack I think it is, I do wonder why his bishop hasn’t reprimanded him yet . . . the language is very weasely. “It is plausible,” “I see no reason why it is not” . . . . saying what he wants to say while using words that would allow him to deny actually saying it. Would love to see something from his alma mater on the subject, too, since he’s quick to point to his degree as bona fides.

    • chezami

      Let’s just say this quack expects everyone to BOW and kiss his RING.

  • Ronin Catholic

    In my work with various organizations and individuals, some of whom at times are decidedly more Catholic than the Pope and/or the Bishops, I point out that there is a name for people who know more or are better believers than the Magisterium. They are called Protestants. I know, I used to be one.

  • Noah Doyle

    Great, the Donatists are at it again…

    How to respond if Francis really is the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pope*:

    1) Have faith. Despair is a sin. So is wrath, and causing scandal.

    2) The Sacraments are still valid. Go to Mass and Reconciliation. Share your fears with the priest. Trust that Christ will, through him, give you what you need.

    3) Pray. We know that prayer is our most effective weapon. God will answer your prayers as He sees fit – trust in Him.

    *He’s not. Seriously, people, read the history of our own Church. We’ve had some spectacularly bad Popes**, and we’re still here.

    **Of which Francis isn’t one.

  • Tom Leith

    Over the transom and into the sea I could understand. But to equate the sea with the garbage, well! This just proves you’re an Earth Hater. Hater!

    • Marthe Lépine

      This might explain why, in another stream of news, there is so much trash in the ocean that it made it difficult to find one of the biggest commercial planes in the world that has crashed into the sea… But, joke apart, the people in that lost plane and their families do of course need our prayers (sorry for the change of subject).

  • “[catholicism] has become and abstraction to them, a simplified ideology of a few moral teaching they happen to like, plus a vision of imaginary liturgical perfection and, on a occasion, a miasma of creepy interpretation of private revelation filtered through an apocalyptic imagination”

    Not a bad description. I’ve always thought that, with a few transpositions, they resemble in many things (crippled rationalism, attachment to an abstraction, a confortable simplified ideology, lack of humour and common human sense) some of their opposites: say, the “new atheists” of the scientificist kind…

    “If you argue with a madman, it is extremely probable that you will get the worst of it; for in many ways his mind moves all the quicker for not being delayed by the things that go with good judgment.” (GKC)

  • I used to hang with Seventh Day Adventists. I thought EVERY Pope was supposed to be “a false prophet”. In fact, that drove me right back into the arms of the Pope.

    • solerso

      How true that. Americans seem to use their “faith” mainly as a quick in-group identification system. American Catholics who believe they “have more in common” with Adventists and other fundamentalist protestant sects either don’t really know anything about American fundies or they don’t really count their Catholic faith as all the important..

      • Which goes for most 20-something Americans I’ve ever met.

        There’s a reason those under the age of 25 are 30% “None” for their religion.

        • solerso

          I have one friend left who Is an Adventist. The only reason we ever talk at all anymore, and it isn’t often, is because we grew up together. They are trained that Catholics are worse than bad – worse than the positive atheists, worse than necrophiliac death – worshippers, etc.,etc..and they are so earnest about it. They are very creepy and when I hear that kind of talk, doesn’t matter which group its coming from, I can identify for what it is – ignorance celebrated as an ideology

          • Rebecca Fuentes

            My Adventist friend posted a quote that was supposedly written by a priest saying that anyone who only believed the Bible could only logically be an Adventist. It was titled “Justified by the Papacy” or something. I responded with some examples from Acts and the early Church fathers about Sunday worship and it’s reasons and discovered that the early Church fathers are apparently not a reliable source for Christian worship–according to her.

  • irena mangone

    Thanks for the above if only they will read it love our Pope not sure what their problem is they belong in the dark ages or is that being judgemental.

    • Jared Clark

      You are, but on the era misnamed the “dark ages” (a term invented by the same self-important people who called themselves “the enlightenment”)

      Come to think of it, that’s what the reactionaries are. A nominally Catholic enlightenment!

  • Whimsy
  • kenofken

    Never mind false prophet. What if the pope is really Sacha Baron Cohen, pushing people’s buttons to get a reaction? It would explain a lot…

  • Humphrey

    I can`t stand those reactionary hypocrites, they would found something wrong with the baptism of lesbians couple child.