Any one of these tips if used on a given day have helped me to stop making excuses and actually get laid! These are not necessarily in order of most or least effective.
1. Kiss him
And I don’t mean the quick peck before he leaves for work. (But those are nice too!) I mean really kiss him. Like when you were dating and trying not to do “other stuff”. You’d be surprised where a good make-out session can lead you. Maybe the kids are awake and you really only have the chance for a good kiss, then make the most of it! If nothing else it can connect you for now, and maybe inspire something for later.
2. Don’t say no
This may seem like a silly one, but when your husband propositions you, don’t say no. (Unless you absolutely have to) When you are tired, and the kids have been hanging on you all day, it may seem like the last thing you want is more physical touch. But instead of no, try “you’ll have to convince me“. Leave it in his ball park, if he’s too tired to do the work of cuddling and foreplay to convince you, then you are off scott-free. And if he is willing to try and “convince you” (and of course you are open to being convinced) you may have one of the best experiences yet.
3. Embrace the Quickie
When you have little kids, it can seem impossible to get them all asleep at the same moment in time, so that you and your hubby can get busy. This is where the TV is your friend. Put in a half hour video for the kids and hope they will all stay distracted long enough for something to happen. A quickie may sound like a downer, but listen to the reasons to try it.
1. Its better than nothing, and your hubby will be happy.
2. Its fun.
3. You can make one of the stipulations to agree for a quickie, be that you’ve got to try for something more elaborate next time.
4. You will get so used to making love with the sound of cartoons in the other room, that the theme to “Elmo’s World” will start to turn you on.
4. Lock the door
This seems like a good point to mention this one. It may seem like a no-brainer to lock the door, but it takes practice to remember. And nothing can kill the mood quicker than a toddler wandering in on you. Even when you think its safe, try to remember to lock the door! If you don’t, you could end up like me early one winter morning when hubby and I assumed everyone was still asleep and decided to get busy under the sheets. We were interrupted by a sleepy 2 year old requesting breakfast. My scream of shock (when I noticed her standing by our bed) was so loud that I woke up all the other babies, scared the poor oblivious 2 year old to death, and completely ruined my husband’s morning.
5. Go for it!
If by some miracle all of your babies are sleeping at the same time, take advantage of the moment and go for it! You never know how long that moment will last, and it could be days (or more) before the stars align again. And by “go for it” I do not mean after you fold the laundry, load the dishwasher and clean the bathroom. Go for it NOW! It is quite possible that you could get a whole hour together if you get busy right away! Put it off, and you may get stuck with another quickie.
6. Think outside the bedroom
Is there a baby sleeping in your room (or in your bed)? That doesn’t mean it’s a no go. If you’re lucky enough to have a guest room, get busy there. Otherwise, make good use of your couch, the shower, the car, or even a blanket on the living room floor.
7. Feel attractive
Notice I didn’t say “be” attractive, I’m talking about feeling pretty for yourself, not him. It is really hard to feel excited about getting close when you feel grungy. So, whatever it takes for you to feel good about yourself, try to make it happen. Whether that means putting on deodorant and changing into a clean shirt, or taking a quick shower and putting on perfume after your hubby gets home and can keep an eye kids. ( I bet he’ll be willing to watch them for you.) If wearing exciting underthings all day makes you feel more attractive, then DO IT. If painting your toenails makes you feel confident, then DO IT. Sex will sound much more interesting when you feel good about your body.
If you have kids, please share any of your tips for making a love life possible despite them.