Is there really a whole person in there?

Sometimes I can’t believe I’m about to have a baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I am HUGE right now. Due to go into labour at any moment really. My hips hurt, my pelvic bone hurts, my lower back hurts. I’m hungry, but can’t fit much more than a snack inside my squeezed stomach at the moment. I have heartburn. I can’t sleep at night and I’m tired during the day.

So I understand that I am nine months pregnant, and that means I’ll be having a baby shortly. But most days, it just seems like I will be pregnant forever. Haven’t I always had a hard time pulling myself off of the couch? Haven’t I always had to pee like every hour? You mean there was a time that my stomach didn’t do strange contortions? A time I didn’t get to gently push back against a small foot stretched out tight beneath my skin?

Is this baby really going to come out? Am I really going to meet a whole new person? Who will this little person be? (I hope they know their name when they come out, because we still haven’t made a firm decision ourselves.) Am I really going to labour and give birth again? That day looms ahead in my mind, with a strange mixture of anticipation and dread.

Memories of pain and childbirth fade, but not that much. The moments of fear in the early part of labour, realizing that this is for real and wondering how it will go. Losing the fear and getting down to the business of breathing and trying to relax clenched muscles. Feeling overwhelmed by the intensity and frequency and just wanting it to be over. The incredible pressure as the baby moves down. And that moment of empowerment and relief when there is suddenly one more person in the room, and you pull your baby into your arms.

The memories are all there. Sometimes vague, sometimes overwhelming. And soon I will experience it all again.
Am I ready?
 Ready for my body to do what sounds impossible?
 Ready to look into the eyes of a brand new human being?
Is anyone ever really ready for a miracle?

Rather Dead Than Queer
Re-post: I am Not My Parents
Re-Post: Lies we tell ourselves about abuse
Children of an Atheist talk about God
  • smoore2213

    Four kids under 4…wow! I can't imagine. You are my hero!

  • Me

    Good luck on the labor and delivery! It really is a miracle!

  • Lynn

    You're going to do great! It will be over soon and you'll be holding that precious baby in your arms before you know it. Good luck!

  • Michelle

    Can't wait to hear all about the arrival of the little one. And those sound like familiar ponderings. :)

  • Shelly

    It seems like the more kids you already have the HARDER that last month is. I was sure it was going to kill me with this last one! I hope you meet your little one soon and everything goes smoothly! :)

  • Jodi

    It sounds like you are right were I was 2 months ago. :) I remember being in labor thinking. "Dear God, I am so not ready for this." I am grateful that God didn't listen. I love my dear sweet little girl. :)

    God bless you as you prepare (or not prepare) for this little miracle.

  • priest’s wife

    praying for you!

    have you ever tried listening to chant during labor? You might like it- I listen to Gregorian chant whenever I'm doing something stressful- except these days, that means cutting fabric, not labor ;)

  • Melanie B

    I completely understand. I could have written this at the beginning of February. Well, except for all the stuff about labor. While, I've gone into labor three times, I've never actually delivered a child naturally. But disbelief and the fear and the wonder, I think those are about the same. Prayers for you in this final stretch and for a safe labor and delivery. May God the giver of life, be with you now and when your hour comes.

  • Pippi

    I will be saying the same thing come late September, no doubt. And if the boys' pregnancies were anything to go by, I will have to wait an extra two weeks instead of the early birth I always hope for. Hang in there; once you have the baby in your arms it will all feel better. :)

  • Justine

    Oh, I SOOOO hear you. All the weird and uncomfortable places are hurting right now for me too. Hang in there – sending good delivery vibes your way.

  • Amber

    First–is that a picture of you? If it is, I love it!!

    Second–sometimes I wonder if pregnancy is really 9 years instead of 9 months. Once the time comes, I'm sure I've aged 9 years.

    Third–I do hope this journey is smooth and beautiful. I will be breathlessly waiting until you report you have kissed all the toes and fingers of your new blessing.

    Fourth–it's true, you can never be ready for a miracle.

  • Young Mom

    Amber- Yes, that's a picture of me last week. :) Oh, and a glimpse of my third baby in the background.

  • Melanie B

    Wow! That is a great picture. I don't think I noticed it before. I never ever get that big. Some people didn't even realize I was pregnant. I kind of feel like I'm missing out. I love the look of big round bellies.