Finally: Positive BIBLICAL Proof that God is a Yankee Fan

[I posted this almost a year ago--soon after the World Series ended--and I needed solace. It is always good to know that, when all is said and done, God is on your side and you have the Bible to back you up.]

I offer these insights to you to encourage your faithfulness to God, and to exhort and admonish those of you who are not of like mind.

I offer you here undeniable biblical support that God is a Yankee fan, and I feel compelled–indeed, conscience bound–to bring this information to you, lest you continue to stray from the proper path.

Most of you miss this, because you have to know Hebrew to see it, and this is why you need me–someone who knows Hebrew and is sensitive enough to God’s leaning to tell you what you should believe.

Alert Bible readers know about Moses’ father-in-law in the book of Exodus. He is the Midianite priest Moses met after he fled Egypt and whose daughter, Zipporah, he married (Exodus chapter 2).

In Exodus 2:18 his name is given as Reuel. Then, just a few verses later (3:1), he is called Jethro. Why does this man have two names? Surely, this is unusual. Already our interpretive senses are heightened. What in the world could this mean? What is God telling us?

This will blow you away.

These two versions of the priest’s name are building up steam to get to the third version–yes, third version–of the name in 4:18.

Most Bible translations at 4:18 simply repeat “Jethro” from 3:1, but this is wrong. The Hebrew of Jethro found in 3:1 is “yitro.” In English, the Hebrew “y’” becomes “j” which yields the conventional spelling “Jethro” (and thank goodness, or else The Beverly Hillbillies might never have existed, at least in its current form).

But the Hebrew at 4:18 is not “yitro” but  “yeter,” which becomes Jeter in English. So, the objective reader is forced to conclude that, not only is God a Yankee fan, but he has chosen the one called “Derek Jeter“–I mean, what are the odds, right?–of guiding the 1996 to present-day Yankees to their glorious success.

Most Bible translators, with an obvious bias, refuse to let Scripture speak for itself and replace “Jeter” with “Jethro.” My sense is that, in addition to spiritual rebellion, marketing factors are also at work. Translating the Bible as it should be would be too controversial and fewer Bibles would be sold. Mose people don’t want their Bibles to be controversial, even it if means sacrificing the clear intention of the biblical author in favor of profit.

I am outraged, as should you be.

So far I have given you nothing other than what the world of God plainly says. Still, rather than submitting yourself to Scripture’s teachings, many of you are thinking quickly about how to get out of this–putting yourself above Scripture, using a standard of interepretation that comes from outside of the Bible.

You say, “Well, if God is directing the current Yankee dynasty, why haven’t they won the World Series each year since 1996?” You ask because you do not understand the ways of God.

God’s promise to be with the Yankees during the reign of Jeter is never simply a 100% guarantee that things will work out. Yankee heartbreak in the post-season results from the signing of A-Rod, whom the Yankees welcomed into their camp in 2004 and who, inexplicably, has been allowed to dwell within their midst.

In doing so the Yankees have sinned greatly.

Yes, A-Rod (alternate name K-Rod) won the MVP twice since his co-regency began (2004 and 2007), but that was not for the greater good of the team but his own statistical aggrandizement. This and his doping displeased God greatly. His punishment has been a no-show in the post-season and the fact that his number will never be retired and he will never have a plaque in Moment Park (even though the Yankees retire numbers with great frequency).

All Yankee post-season tragedies since 2004–especially the humiliation of the loss to the Red Sox (which just “happens” to coincide with A-Rod’s first MVP–see what I mean!) are a direct result of allowing A-Rod to remain among them. The World Series victory in 2009 was simply evidence that God is even more displeased with the Philadelphia Phillies, though the reasons for this are not disclosed, as it would detract from the dominant narrative.

Likewise, Yankee post-season losses before A-Rod are all part of God’s mysterious plan for his team and in the end all things will be made plain. The 2001 World Series, however, remains a object of fear and trepidation for Yankee Nation, a topic of theodicean proportions for all the faithful, a reminder that we do not serve a God who is tame and does as we expect, but who is free to do as he pleases.

None of these “exceptions” deter the least bit from what Scripture clearly teaches, and all such seeming “contradictions” of history are to be understood in light of and subordinated to the plain and obvious teaching of Scripture.

At any rate, explaining how everything works together is not easy, and this is why we have seminaries that train people like me to read the Bible in the original languages, who are then equipped to make penetrating observations like this. You’re welcome.

I am God’s servant, simply informing you of what God says. It is up to you to decide whether you listen or not.

[Note to those of you with no sense of humor (the rest can skip this): I am kidding here about God and the Yankees. I don't actually think you can prove God is a Yankee fan from Exodus 4:18 or any other Bible passage. I don't think God cares about baseball.

This post is a parody. I am poking fun at a principle of biblical interpretation I see at work--virtually every day--though always unstated, namely:

"Here is how I can read the Bible, and I am justified in doing so because I am utterly convinced that my theology is so correct. The ambiguities of history and of the biblical text open the door to this type of "creative" interpretation of the Bible. You disagree with me, not really because of my interpretation of the Bible, but because you do not accept the theology behind it. Biblical interpretation serves my theology."

Such an interpretive principle is not the sole property of untrained Bible readers, but of highly visible church leaders and even those with academic training. "I know what I believe, so let's go find it."

I know that you could read this post as poking fun God and the Bible. But I'm not. I am poking fun at how some people interpret the Bible.]

 

  • Peter

    Wow, that is more effort then all of your apologia concerning Genesis as poetry. Maybe if you did the work in that area you would realize that it is a literal road map for how we were created. You liberal, you. :)

    P.S. The demise of your Yankees lurks in the shadows…

    • peteenns

      This has NOTHING to do with holding on to the post-season that might have been :-)

      • Jerrine Regan

        As a Red Sox fan, I believe my bible refers to Jethro as Big Papi! ;-)

  • YankeeHater

    Present day Yankee success??? How does a team that is thrashed in the ALCS by a team that was swept in the World Series classify as success?

    Although, I must admit that your exegesis of the Hebrew text is impressive.

    • peteenns

      I believe I accounted for the recent lack of success in my penetrating blog post.

  • Nathan

    Frankly, your rank eisegesis outrages me. You have ignored clear biblical data in favor of your a priori theological assumptions (or should I say, presumptions). You fail to recognize that in connecting Derek Jeter to Moses’s father-in-law, the inspired Word ties Jeter to the Midianites–a people who facilitated the slavery of God’s man Joseph (Gen. 37:28) and oppressed God’s people in the time of Gideon (Judges 6). Clearly, Derek Jeter is associated with those who oppress and enslave the Lord’s people.

    How then are we to discern the Chosen Player? The answer lies in the simple, plain reading of Scripture (which you have tragically abandoned). How did the LORD reveal to the nation of Israel his chosen priest? By the budding of Aaron’s rod–or shall we say, the A-Rod. One might also note the similarity between “Aaron’s rod that budded” and “A-Rod who bunted;” but I don’t wish to get into the lexical and historical arguments at this time.

    To reject this clear reading in favor of a lexical perversion rejected by the majority of Hebrew scholars is not merely irresponsible; it reveals a heart given over to a liberal distortion of the Word of God. I pray the Holy Spirit will get ahold of your heart before it’s too late.

    • peteenns

      Too bad Yahweh was a Midianite.

      I can see we need to have a holy war of some sort. After all, the gospel is now at stake and it is important that you not be allowed to live.

    • Jeff

      A-Rod who bunted. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to read that passage again without cracking up. Thanks for ruining the bible for me.

      • peteenns

        What Nathan does not understand, though Jeff–and he would if he had a PhD like me–is that the A-Rod strand of the Pentateuch is demonstrably late, the product of the C source (Cashman) written by those too proud to admit to A-Rod’s failures. Note they do not name A-Rod specifically, but have to resort to indirect communication–Aaron’s budding staff and the like.

  • http://hoxeyville.blogspot.com/ Eric

    I can’t get “Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed,…” out of my head.
    The not so funny part is that so many people who read and interpret scriptures in that way don’t get it that they are mocking God and scriptures.
    Maybe with a little like-minded cleverness I could argue something for the nearness of the final apocalypse by looking at Daniel where the Lions’ are tamed. Given Detroit’s past three or four seasons, The taming of the Lions in Daniel 6 preceded the 70 weeks, surely prefiguring the rapture, tribulation, then the son of man returning to set up the millenium.

  • Frank Viola

    This is what I’ve been talkin’ about all this time . . . thanks for making it so plain.
    And remove that silly disclaimer at the end.
    Yanks Rulz . . .
    ~ Frankie V.
    Not the erstwhile Met pitcher, thank you.

  • Sean

    Does this make Don Mattingly the present day Moses? He was the unabashed spiritual leader and stuck with his team through lots of struggles and complaining, but ultimately died/retired before the entering the Promised Land/1996.

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  • http://entreprelife.com Alex Humphrey

    And all these years, I have been a Rangers fan openly deifying the will of God. Lord, please forgive me. I shall forevermore carry your word in my right hand, and wear the pinstripes upon my head, so all that see me know my allegiance to the one true God in all his ways!

    lol

  • James

    What bothers me is when a pastor insists it is the Holy Spirit who leads into biblical truth and that means my Phd along with undergraduate and Masters degrees (listed and repeated) mean nothing–the HS could just as well speak through a donkey. What he doesn’t say is: But I’ll remind you of my credentials anyway because in the course of the sermon I’ll refer to the Hebrew and Greek to support my arguments. Evangelical preachers seem to rely a lot on: 1. The authority implicit in the role of pastor, and/or 2. Their personal credentials as Bible scholars. Do they really believe the Bible speaks for itself, and are they really content to allow the Holy Spirit to interpret and apply it? I think multi-gifted team leadership with representative congregational support make for a strong teaching office–with openness to the Spirit, of course.

  • Neil N

    Pete,
    When you decide to fully enter into Holy Communion, I will accompany you to build the haven underground, beneath the stadium in order to wait out the apocalypse, and to drink lots and lots of Kool Aid!

  • Don

    God hates the Yankees and so do I.

    Nuff said.

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  • Chuck D

    Because I hate professional sports, am I doomed to Hell? I have tried to follow the advice in the NT and love my enemies as I love they self, but it is really hard with the open arrogance of pro sports. But I lived in a town with a football team with an openly racist name, and so my old liberal sensibities kicked in. I could not openly mock them for fear of the wrath from my fellow Washingtonians, but when Dan Snyder took over ownership of the Redskins, even the faithful were tested. The money grabbers had taken over the “temple”. Oh well, back to the OT were I just have to contend with the pesky problem of evolution and why those baby dinosaurs were on the ark.

  • Lars

    As a Ranger fan from Day 1, I mean it when I say A-Rod ruined baseball for me and now “Dr.” Enns has ruined God. My friends at TGC warned me about this site, and so did another Peter in 2 Peter 3:16 when he said, “There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures.” As much as that sentiment sums up this post, it’s hard to compete with the Plain Path Puritan’s assessment of Dr. Enns:

    Peter Enns and his fellow reprobate (actually vain and juvenile to the point of embarrassment) liberal ‘Christian’ academics still think they are in control. Who’s stopping them? They can mock God and God’s people and dictate from the ivory tower and get angry and throw their little credentialed lightning bolts and write books for children and teach in putative conservative seminaries and on and on. Why not? They are in control. God surely isn’t, right?

    This is why hell exists.

    And I’d like to add one more reason hell exists. The Damn Yankees.

    • peteenns

      I stand convicted :-)

  • Brian P.

    You know you’ve got fundies in an audience when you have to put up a “this is satire” notice.

    • Lars

      Oops! If it’s all the same, I’d still like to stand by my “ignorant and unstable” description. Plus that lightning bolt thing.

  • http://bobwilson.me/ Bob Wilson

    As a Red Sox fan, I wanted to helpfully point out a blind spot. While you rightfully acknowledge the problem, there is a biblical reason A-Rod is a Yankee.
    Proverbs 26:3
    A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and A-Rod for the backs of fools!

    • peteenns

      OK, that’s a keeper :-)

  • http://lotharlorraine.wordpress.com/ Lothar Lorraine

    “Likewise, Yankee post-season losses before A-Rod are all part of God’s mysterious plan for his team and in the end all things will be made plain.”

    I knew that Peter Enns has remained a staunch Calvinist!

    I am currently showing how, according to the same hermeunetics that Peter exposed, Calvinists read reformed theology into Biblical books (such as Genesis) which are utterly at odds with it.

    Of course, the same principle can be applied to Arminians, Open Theists, Misogynists, Feminists (and so on and so forth) who refuse to acknowledge the presence of contradictions within the Bible.

    Cheers from Europe.

  • Kathryn Helmers

    I knew ahead of time that the days of abomination were coming for the Yankees. I grew up flipping cards of the generation that knew the Lord–Roger Maris, Whitey Ford, Mickey Mantle, Bobby Richardson, Tony Kubek, Elston Howard. The Spirit spake unto me when lo, Manager George and his licentious henchman Billy led their people in the ways of Jeroboam. I tried to switch allegiance to the Mets but hatred for them ran in my blood and besides, they were NL, so I defected to the Red Sox in time to celebrate the glorious pennant race and breaking of the Bambino curse in 2004. When Johnny Damon was corrupted the following year and shaved his facial hair it confirmed that the Lord had indeed left the temple.

    My problem now is that Frank DeFord says we should stick with the team we grew up with. Is he leading me astray or calling me to repentance? This vexeth me.

    • peteenns

      Kathy, you should have remained faithful but are a heretic, but thanks for commenting.

  • http://www.godconversations.com/ Tania Harris

    brilliant! Love it even if I am an Aussie and couldn’t care less about the Yankees and any other baseball team. Go AFL! I’m sure it is in there somewhere if only I can find it


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