James Dobson just not putting much effort into perfunctory lies

Here’s a disappointing recent statement from Focus on the Family founder James Dobson:

I have not had this confirmed, but a physician told me last week that Congress recently passed a law that has been signed by the president that would make it illegal to give people over 70 years of age stents for their heart. Which means you’re going to let them die. I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but that’s the kind of thing that is coming. In any competition between the young and the old, guess who is going to lose that?

That’s just lazy.

This is just stale leftovers from 2010, when this whole “death panels” business still seemed like a fresh and interesting lie.

Trotting that out now, three years later, just shows a lack of effort and originality on Dobson’s part. His massive radio audience deserves better. They’re tuning in to hear something new — new, creative lies for Jesus. They deserve to hear lies for Jesus told with a bit more flair than this hackneyed, going-through-the-motions.

Dobson has been a giant in Christian radio for decades, but now he seems to be taking his audience for granted. If you’re running a restaurant, would you think it was OK to serve 3-year-old bread? No? Then why is it OK to serve your audience 3-year-old lies, pretending that they’re just as good as something newly fabricated?

Dobson should take a cue from Kevin Swanson.

Swanson’s still only a second-tier player in the wild world of Christian radio (although I’m told he’s influential in the FIC/Quiverful sub-subculture) but he isn’t just sitting back on his heels, recycling old Sarah Palin nightmares in the hopes that his audience will accept that as good enough. Swanson is whipping up fantastical new lies for Jesus — lies for Jesus told with an artistry and panache that a younger James Dobson once displayed, many years ago.

Here’s Swanson:

I’m beginning to get some evidence from certain doctors and certain scientists that have done research on women’s wombs after they’ve gone through the surgery, and they’ve compared the wombs of women who were on the birth control pill to those who were not on the birth control pill. And they have found that with women who are on the birth control pill, there are these little tiny fetuses, these little babies, that are embedded into the womb. They’re just like dead babies. They’re on the inside of the womb. And these wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.

Swanson seems to understand that perpetual outrage is like a shark — survival means constantly pushing forward.

“Dead babies” is a classic bit of religious right mendacity, but Swanson isn’t content just to trot out the old greatest hits and leave it at that. He spiced things up, pushed it a little forward. Dobson gives us baby-killers, but Swanson gives us “little dead babies … embedded in the womb.” Dobson wants to outlaw abortion, but Swanson wants to outlaw contraception. Push it forward.

Sure, Swanson’s dazzlingly weird claim is preposterous to anyone who knows the first thing about human biology, but Swanson knows that lying for Jesus isn’t about what you know, but about what you prefer.

Swanson knows that his audience wants to live in a world filled with lurid horrors, so that’s what he gives them. He knows that his audience wants to be outraged, so he tells them something outrageous.

And that’s the problem with Dobson’s stale death-panels routine. It just doesn’t seem outrageous enough anymore.

Obama is killing old people! Dobson says.

His audience yawns. Yes, yes of course, we’ve known that for years. Tell us something we don’t know.

Dobson needs to take a cue from Swanson and spice things up a little. You can’t just say the evil baby-killing liberals are denying heart stents to old people. That’s old hat. Make it, like, Obama’s giving old people medical marijuana instead of heart stents. Ooh ooh, I know … mandatory medical marijuana. It’s a “mandate,” like they’re required to smoke it while they die from lack of heart stents.

Pushing it forward, ever forward like a shark. That’s the only way to sustain the perpetual outrage the Christian radio audience wants.

Stay in touch with the Slacktivist on Facebook:

Christian colleges and 'Christian' nationalism
Same story
White evangelicals cannot allow themselves to understand miscarriage
Postcards from the culture war (12.1.16)
  • http://twitter.com/mcclure111 mcc

    What I continually don’t get about this is– at some point Obamacare goes *live*. Soon. At some point Obamacare isn’t a “proposed law” or a passed law which goes into effect in 2014, at some point it’s something that’s current policy and then it’ll be something that’s been around awhile.

    What do they do at that point?

    It seems they have two options:

    1. Don’t change anything– continue saying Obamacare *will soon* introduce death panels, as if Obamacare’s in place, but they’re just yet to activate the death panel provision, any moment now.

    2. Change future to past tense– stop talking about the death panels that *will* be introduced and start talking about all the people the death panels *have already* killed.

    I guess Dobson here offers a promising (3)– stop talking about Obamacare and start talking about “a law”. See, Obamacare is in place and doesn’t seem all that bad, but what’s really bad is that law they just passed. You know, the one… a physician told me about it.

  • Tricksterson

    Notice his statement was full of equivocations too?  It’s like the forces of darkness aren’t even trying.

    Swanson on the other hand…wow.

  • Baby_Raptor

    You’re missing an option: When the horrors promised don’t appear, talk big crap about how you and your buddies prayed really hard and put good, Godly pressure on good, Godly Republicans and they managed to stop it, because Republicans are True Christians.

    The roll around in your new pile of fundraising money. 

  • fraser

     And he’s even more weaselly than that, carefully stating he doesn’t know if it’s true … but he’s sure not making much effort to Snopes it.

  • Makabit

    What the hell is ‘the surgery’? 

    I’m asking this because it’s the only question that comes to mind as I sit here, eyes wide open with horror. Not sure if it’s horror at the image, or horror that this guy clearly doesn’t quite get how hormonal birth control works.

  • Cathy W

    I haven’t found any transcript that gives context for that, but I suspect it’s hysterectomy – the uterus is routinely sent to pathology.

  • dj_pomegranate

    I’m wide-eyed in horror at both the image and the ignorance.  Maybe the image more, though, because I’m tired of being wide-eyed at ignorance and it’s nice to change it up once in a while.

  • Foreigner

    I’m thinking that, come 2016, the lies will have got so far out that the usual suspects will be telling their flocks that Obama has declared himself president for life and instituted a totalitarian dictatorship. Liberals will try and tell you that there has been an election, and the current President is in fact a white Republican man, but don’t you believe them! No, madam, don’t look out of your window or you might see the hordes of stormtroopers mowing down Real True Christians by the thousand even as we speak.  

  • http://danel4d.livejournal.com/ Danel

    4) The Democrats want to stop you getting Oba.. Republicare! We’re the only ones interested in protecting your right to healthcare, while the Democrats want to pass laws to let undocumented illegal immigrants and terrorists jump the queue. 

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I have not had this confirmed,

    That’s when you put a period and stop instead of blabbering shit you shouldn’t be jibba-jabba-ing about, Mr. Dobson.

  • Vermic

    Good for Swanson for taking it to the next level, and shame on Dobson.  If you can’t respect the truth, then at least respect your lies — they’re all you’ve got!  Otherwise you’re sure to lose ground in the marketplace of lies to hungry and creative competitors.  The Invisible Hand of Mendacity is ruthless, but fair.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Here’s Swanson:

    Who promptly reveals himself as an ignorant jackass who has no business saying fuck-all about human anatomy.

    DOES HE NOT REALIZE UTERUSES DON’T WORK THAT WAY?!

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    DOES HE NOT REALIZE UTERUSES DON’T WORK THAT WAY?!

    Just for that, I had to pop over to Memegenerator and make this.

  • Jessica_R

    Oh Fearless Son I’m stealing that macro and can tell I’ll be reposting it with abandon  :slow claps: 

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     Whether he understands is immaterial. THe salient point is that he doesn’t care.  He’s not choosing his words based on some resemblance of objective reality; he’s just making noises that get him rewarded. He has less awareness of the content of what he’s saying than my 14-month-old son does when he sees me and yells “Mama! Mama!” because he knows that when he makes the sounds “mama!” and “dada!” at his parents, he gets a positive reaction.

    He’s not trying to persuade anyone to believe what he’s saying. He’s extending an invitation to people to come join him in a tribe defined by the mythology they uphold.

  • reynard61

    “DOES HE NOT REALIZE UTERUSES DON’T WORK THAT WAY?!”

    I get the impression that he doesn’t really give a shit. He just pukes out whatever he thinks will serve his ideology and frighten his tribe enough that they’ll send him lots of money. ‘Cause, y’know, Jesus.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    They pulled this same stunt with Medicare, if that sheds on light about it. My theory — if and when the PPACA becomes as popular as Medicare, they’ll quietly revise history so that they were always in favor of the general idea but just wanted to perfect it all along. 

    Anyway, I disagree with the fundamental premise that these people “deserve better”. If you are that enthusiastic about being lied to by demagogues, then you deserve whatever lies you’re willing to believe. If you want a higher caliber of liar, then be more discerning.  People will still lie to you but they’ll be careful to make it less obvious, and they might even phony up documents or something. 

  • Magic_Cracker

    I have not had this confirmed, but a physician told me last week that Congress recently passed a law that has been signed by the president that would make it illegal to give people over 70 years of age stents for their heart.

    What’s especially sad about this lie is that it hinges on his audience not knowing (or thinking through) which party controls the House.

    In any case — and I have not had this confirmed — but I’m beginning to get some evidence from certain doctors and certain scientists and certain batshit behaviors that when someone tells or believes a lie for Jesus, they develop a hole in the center of their brain, a literal hole, an empty, yawning space, and if they tell or believe another lie for Jesus, they develop more holes, and so on in a fractal process, and they have found that people who lie for Jesus have brains that are riddled with holes, until the brain resembles like a  Menger Sponge, all these holes in the brain, completely crippling their ability to make sense of the their fragmented and contradictory perceptions and beliefs without some grand, unifying delusion.

  • Foelhe

    Shame, Dobson. You take your eyes off the prize for one minute in this business, and some energetic young upstart is trying to knock you aside and take your place.

    … Course, in this business, the energetic young upstarts are still pushing retirement age.

  • P J Evans

     That sounds almost like Charlie Stross’s ‘Kranzberg syndrome’. It comes up every so often in the ‘Laundry’ stories.

  • Magic_Cracker

    I’ll have to check it out. I stole the idea from a Phil Pilkington essay on the delusions of neoliberal economics.

  • stardreamer42

     Wow. That video is fascinatingly cool and hypnotic.

  • Lorehead

    You may have been thinking of this study.  Religiosity really does correlate with dementia.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I’ve also noticed that people who seem to display relatively limited intelligence tend to be more religious, especially of the fundamentalist variety. I highly suspect it’s because of the highly codified and rigid structure such a religious faith gives to a person.

  • Fusina

     I’ve been wondering if it has anything to do with a love of If/Then situations. If I do X, then God does Y. Someone should tell them that only happens in computer programs. Considering the flak I took when I compared my brain to a highly complex computer to my fundy Mum, they will not take it well, so I’ll be over in this bunker in case anyone decides to try this.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

     I’ve been wondering if it has anything to do with a love of If/Then situations. If I do X, then God does Y. Someone should tell them that only happens in computer programs. Considering the flak I took when I compared my brain to a highly complex computer to my fundy Mum, they will not take it well, so I’ll be over in this bunker in case anyone decides to try this.

    Fuzzy logic, neural networks, there are alternatives to the simple if(x) then y; type logic you find in most programming.  Ironic, considering that the more complex logic structures are used to mimic the more holistic style of processing that happens in an organic brain.  

    It is as though some humans actively prefer simpler logic that cannot be easily applied outside of a narrow range of situations.  This would be fine, if the world itself were not so complex and unpredictable a place as it is.

  • Fusina

     Precisely. Or, as Billy Joel put it so poetically,

    “Shades of grey are all that I find
    When I look to the enemy line
    Black and white was so easy for me
    But shades of grey are the colors I see

    Now with the wisdom of years
    I try to reason things out
    And the only people I fear
    are those who never have doubts
    Save us all from arrogant men,
    and all the causes they’re for
    I won’t be righteous again
    I’m not that sure anymore”

    From a book I’ll never write, “The Wisdom of William Joel”.

  • Lunch Meat

    I have not had this confirmed, but a physician told me last week that
    Congress recently passed a law that has been signed by the president
    that would make it illegal to give people over 70 years of age stents
    for their heart.

    Now isn’t the sort of thing you’d want to go ahead and confirm before you make public statements about it? I mean, some research is complicated and requires interpretation and an understanding of statistical analysis, but it’s not like it’s hard to look up the laws Congress has passed.

    Anyway, I haven’t had this confirmed, but I heard last week that James Dobson is just an alien who wants to put aliens in our brains to control us. I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but I’m sure it’s just like something that’s going to happen sooner or later.

  • Baby_Raptor

    James Dobson is Visser Three? 

    Crap. Where are the Andalites?

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/GUFZNDXKK6JQGEIGV7VGXFUDKE c2t2

    The Andalites are planning destroy the planet after the infestation is complete. It’s up to us Christimorphs to save the world.

  • fraser

    Why would he want to confirm it? Then it would be a LIE, while this is just reporting informed speculation.

  • Carstonio

    Swanson has been viewing too many H.R. Giger paintings.

  • http://thatbeerguy.blogspot.com Chris Doggett

    I don’t know that Dobson is getting lazy or not trying; it might be he’s trying a more subtle conditioning of his audience:

    I have not had this confirmed…. I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but that’s the kind of thing that is coming.

    Notice the sleight-of-hand there, that’s the work of a pro.

    What’s he unsure about? Well, for this specific case, he hasn’t confirmed it. For this exact instance, it might not be true. 

    What’s he confident in, what does he say without reservation?…that’s the kind of thing that is coming.

    A statement about factual matters, of history or law, can be shown as false. The speaker can be decried as a liar, or at the very least discredited.

    A statement about future matters, though, that’s a prediction made on observations and faith. It can’t ever be a lie, can’t ever be dis-proven if it’s never anchored to a date or time. 

    Now, at first, this looks like Dobson being cagey, being cautious not to say anything that his enemies can pounce on. And on one level, it is. But he’s speaking to his audience, and he’s saying to them very clearly “We might not have the facts right, we might not have the details right, but we are right, and that’s what matters!” 

    That’s a dangerous, delisional mindset that is very intoxicating, and Dobson knows what he’s peddling.

  • AnonymousSam

    These aren’t lies, they’re just #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement (thanks AnonaMiss for introducing me to this one)!

    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/not-intended-to-be-a-factual-statement

  • Carstonio

    Dobson and Swanson could be the lead characters in a slash version of A Star Is Born, with Dobson the old-and-tired demagogue and Swanson his younger lover and rival whose career ascends while Dobson’s descends.

  • AnonaMiss

    In any competition between the young and the old, guess who is going to lose that?

    Well, going by precedent, the young. Duh.

    I love how the same people who talk about death panels and how the government is going to kill the old to save money, also talk about how we need to cut social security because it’s going to be top-heavy and crush the young. It’s win-win: either they succeed in cutting social security and then they’re right, the government is letting seniors die just to save money! – or they don’t succeed in cutting social security and the young get “crushed,” at least enough for them to point at it and say “I told you so!!!!”

    Also you’re very welcome Sam!

  • http://twitter.com/MarySueTwiteth Mary Sue

    You know, I take oral birth control. I wonder if I’m filled with tiny dead babies. Considering I haven’t had sex in several years, and sex with a man several additional years on top of that… Lemme go ask Swanson and break his brain.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    “Filled with tiny dead babies…” I’m sorry but I can’t get the grin off my face, it just sounds so crazy.
    Your comment reminds me of something my old boyfriend used to tell me about masturbation, that any guy who does so is going to be greeted in Purgatory by the millions of little half-babies he created every time he did that.

  • Makabit

    Having just recently given birth, (and having been on the pill for about twelve years) I think I’m more grossed out than I normally would be. This just makes me cringe. 

  • Carstonio

    Elvis might have believed that – there’s an apocryphal story about him being too quick on the draw and lamenting to his partner about all the little babies they just killed.

    On a more serious note…

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/woman-loses-her-life-and-then-her-privacy-after-an-abortion/2013/02/14/d10ed6c8-76e4-11e2-95e4-6148e45d7adb_story.html

  • Vermic

    Your comment reminds me of something my old boyfriend used to tell me about masturbation, that any guy who does so is going to be greeted in Purgatory by the millions of little half-babies he created every time he did that.

    It’s meant to be a terrifying story, but all I can take away from it is “In Purgatory, you will receive a personal monster army of your own creation.”  Masturbation is not only fun and inexpensive, it’s fucking metal.

  • Carstonio

    “Croatoan” by Harlan Ellison tackles that purgatory theme, and apparently it angered both sides in the abortion debate.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    It’s meant to be a terrifying story, but all I can take away from it is “In Purgatory, you will receive a personal monster army of your own creation.”  Masturbation is not only fun and inexpensive, it’s fucking metal.

    Alright, now you are reminding me of hell-babies.  

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     I want this as a thing in a tower defence game. A horrific, horrific tower defence game.

  • Lori

     

    Your comment reminds me of something my old boyfriend used to tell me
    about masturbation, that any guy who does so is going to be greeted in
    Purgatory by the millions of little half-babies he created every time he
    did that. 
     

    This is hilarious.

    The fact that anyone believes this is horrifying, but the concept of “half-babies” (what the hell is a half baby any way?) in purgatory yelling at dear old dad for whacking off is so far beyond ridiculous that you have to laugh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    Fortunately for him, my OBF never believed in the Masturbation = Half-Babies idea. But it was too good an image not to enjoy.

  • Lunch Meat

    Wait a second, if a sperm that leaves the body = half a baby, doesn’t that mean that every woman who’s ovulated will also be greeted by an army of half-babies in heaven? OVULATION IS SIN! HYSTERECTOMIES FOR EVERYONE!

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     No, y’see, we only care about voluntary acts. Because whether third parties live or die (be they human beings, fetuses, or haploid cells) doesn’t matter nearly as much as whether we can control one another’s behavior.

  • Lunch Meat

    But wait a second! This also means that anyone who has had Church-Approved Sex (TM) that didn’t result in a child for every individual sperm ejaculated is sinning and making half-babies. So the solution is to collect every single sperm, then clone the woman’s eggs so that there are enough eggs for each sperm, then artificially inseminate all of them one at a time. But wait! Babies that aren’t produced through natural Church-Approved Sex are also sin!

    Hmm, it’s almost like they don’t want us to live healthy sinless lives.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Hmm, it’s almost like they don’t want us to live healthy sinless lives.

    Of course.  Take your logic a little further.  If we had healthy, sinless lives, there would be no reason for salvation and no need of the church.  

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     Almost.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Is there then a relevant difference between a penis person masturbating and a penis person having a wet dream? Either way there’s sperm-containing ejaculate that ends up nowhere near ova, which I would think would be the key point…

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     This comment made so much more sense once I realized it wasn’t a response to my comment about being productive in the Culture. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    You know, this brings up a situation all our talk about purgatory half-person / sperms (that got weird fast.)  The situation being that I am sterile, and have been since before my twenty-second birthday.  My body is no longer capable of releasing sperm.  

    So what does that make purgatory like for me?  

  • Lori

     

    So what does that make purgatory like for me?  

    Blessedly quiet? Or I guess lonely, depending on your level of need for company focused on you.

    Dangerous if you find you need the monster army of half-babies for tower defense.

  • Beroli

    Considering the mindset that would lead to the monster army of half-babies, I find it hard to believe a vasectomy is a way out of anything. Having the vasectomy probably immediately created as many half-babies as an entire lifetime’s worth of masturbating every day would have.

  • Lori

    Fair point.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Dangerous if you find you need the monster army of half-babies for tower defense.

    Huh, that is funny.  My class mates and I are building a tower defense game along those lines.  

    Only the parent in question is a dragon, and the babies are her hatchlings, placed strategically to defend her gold hoard.  She feeds the hatchlings gold to make them grow.  That is why dragons hoard gold, we reasoned, they feed it to their hatchings like a bird feeds her chicks worms.  

  • Lori

    But if we all have hysterectomies there is no reason for women to exist, us being just vessels for the bay-bes the good lord wants to send into the world.

  • Foelhe

    Are the babies translucent, maybe? Are they divided in half right up the middle? Floating baby heads? Cyborg-babies?!??

  • Lori

    Inquiring minds definitely want to know. There are at least 3 possibilities for “divided in the middle” alone. I mean they could be top or bottom half, left or right half or front or back half. I guess if it’s either the 2nd or 3rd one at least they’d never have to worry about telling anyone to be sure to get their good side in a picture.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Some guys I knew would make joking statements about “killing off all the little mini-mes”, but they clearly knew it was not factually correct.

  • Lori

    Obviously not. They were “killing off all the little mini-half-mes”. Or would that be “half mini-mes”?

  • EllieMurasaki

    So, uh, what did he think about the “little half-babies” that the testicle-equipped human body produces naturally regardless of whether they’re ever ejaculated?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    Don’t recall, but he was pretty okay about it, figured that winner takes all, and that God and Nature knew what they were doing, regarding sex.
    Funny, I miss him more than I do my ex.

  • Maniraptor

    I’m kind of enjoying the image of my uterus as an overachieving king cake.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    You have got to check out these links, then: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2009/7/1/considering-the-uterus.html#comment14475735  
    http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/5/10/just-in-time-for-mothers-day-10-uterus-cakes.html

  • Jessica_R

    I would ask what Swanson thinks menstruation is for/does, but I’m really afraid the answer would involve the phrase “Blood Tribute to the Great One Moloch” in it somewhere. 

  • Tricksterson

    Blood for the Blood God!

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Blood for the Blood God!

    Khorne cares not from where the blood flows!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pioneercynthia Cynthia Schrage

    Oh, my! Hearing you take on the venerable (and overly venerated, IMHO) James Dobson makes you JUST the kind of person I enjoy having in the pew next to me. Thanks.

    I’ve enjoyed Focus radio shows (though I’ll admit I only choose them when there’s nothing else within listening range on the dial), he’s just a little too smarmy for me. And it’s too bad, because they do have some great people on, and I love that Adventures in Odyssey kid’s show.

    But like so many other “serious” Christians, especially those “of a certain age” (I’m 47, just so you know) , the constant spewing of ridiculous, unsubstantiated balderdash that wouldn’t make it past the most cursory viewing of snopes.com is just really turning me off.

    Whatever happened to testing the spirits?

  • Consumer Unit 5012

     Whatever happened to testing the spirits?

    Never mind that, what happened to not bearing false witness against thy neighbor?

  • Hilary

    I know I shouldn’t laugh at this, but it is so horrific it’s funny.  In the right hands, this could be a great Monty Python type spoof.  Dozens of dead babies in the lining of the uterus?  Like what, gremlins that shouldn’t get wet or be fed after midnight? 

  • MaryKaye

     These are the same people who believe that if you swallow your bubble gum, it sits in your  intestines for seven years–right?  (I always wondered what kind of expiration-date tag your digestive system used, to make this happen….nope, can’t poop that, it’s only 6 years old!)

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    I have not had this confirmed, but a physician told me last week that Congress recently passed a law that has been signed by the president that would make it illegal to give people over 70 years of age stents for their heart. Which means you’re going to let them die.

    That should not be a big deal for Dobson then.  In order to qualify for a heart stent, he would need a heart in the first place.

  • P J Evans

    Cheney got a new one – it can’t be any harder to give Dobson one, can it?

  • Jared Bascomb

    Yeah, but who did Cheney gets his from?
    His wife’s already told him that his nickname of Darth Vader humanized him, so who’s left to give Cheney a more human heart? Boba Fett?

  • Darren

    I respect just how twisted and wrong Swanson is…

    _That_ is better than the line we used to get told in the 1980’s that conditioner had ground-up aborted fetuses in them, especially the Satanic Proctor & Gamble line…

  • Madhabmatics

    Hahaha that “I don’t know if it’s true, but IT’S DEFINITELY COMING GUYS” reminds me a lot of the stuff about Brenner being a secret convert to islam. “I don’t know if it’s true but if he gets elected the muslim brotherhood will be in charge of the cia” was glenn becks statement on it

  • Fusina

    Went to Wonkette and read some, went to another of her entries and read some more, with an eighteen year old soon to be female college student reading over my shoulder. She has now developed a very strong urge to slug some clown name of Kevin Swanson. Is this guy for real? I went and looked at some of the right wing watch entries on him, and ugh. He is a lying liar and the truth is not only not in him but is running away as fast as possible to keep from getting lies all over itself. 

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    She has now developed a very strong urge to slug some clown name of Kevin Swanson.

    Phew, glad it is not just me who feels that way!  :)

  • Carstonio

    I’ve heard of pro-lifers circulating propaganda stories about fetuses excited about coming into the world. Swanson might write a variant where the fetus describes the womb as a house of horrors, weeping for unborn brothers and sisters. Swanson could have created his lie about contraception all on his own, or he could have read about molar pregnancies and chosen not to understand the medical facts. Either way, he’s using his storytelling powers for evil instead of good.

  • rae

    Haven’t read through the comments to see if anyone else said this, but you’re giving Swanson just a tad bit too much credit. I grew up in the QF movement and that story was a common one. Dead babies in your uterus if you use birth control. Maybe it’s new to Swanson, or maybe he just knows how to frame it in a way that sounds better than Dobson’s lazy non-effort. And of course, he has the benefit that it really IS new to people outside of the deep crazy. But I know that story as been around since the ’90s, at least.

  • seniorcit

    Thank God I had my heart surgery last month before the President signed this awful bill!

  • DStecks

    “I’m beginning to get some evidence from certain doctors and certain scientists that have done research on women’s wombs after they’ve gone through the surgery, and they’ve compared the wombs of women who were on the birth control pill to those who were not on the birth control pill. And they have found that with women who are on the birth control pill, there are these little tiny fetuses, these little babies, that are embedded into the womb. They’re just like dead babies. They’re on the inside of the womb. And these wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.”

    That is the best worst thing I’ve read all week. Want to argue something that there’s no legitimate points against? Just cook up some unleaded nightmare fuel. It’s genius. For example, did you know that the Gardasil vaccine makes your vagina grow a squid beak? Like, a straight-up squid beak. Also, did you know that your continued donations to the Republican Party are the only thing protecting you from the rape goblins that live underground?

  • SisterCoyote

    For example, did you know that the Gardasil vaccine makes your vagina grow a squid beak? Like, a straight-up squid beak.

    Oh God why would you even say that. My cat was sleeping peacefully, and now she’s worried that her human has just developed Spontaneous Horrified Screaming Disorder.

  • stardreamer42

    I think someone should troll several of their comment forums and suggest that, and a bunch of other ever-more-wacko notions. Seed the Batshit Crazy from the ground up, but direct its growth in such a way as to drive off anyone with the slightest modicum of sanity left.

  • Consumer Unit 5012

     Nice idea, but hard to accomplish.  How are mere amateurs like us supposed to compete with trained, professional delusion-generators?

    That’s why I’ve mostly quit trolling rightwing sites.  No way I can outcrazy them.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    That’s why I’ve mostly quit trolling rightwing sites.  No way I can outcrazy them.

    There is no way to outcrazy them, they have the crazy angle dominated.  However, you can still troll them into a boiling, frothing rage quite easily:

    Just be yourself.

  • Foreigner

    As you say, Poeing is a pointless exercise, but I have often wondered what kind of reaction I would get if I posted suitably laundered excerpts from Mein Kampf at Free Republic. Something like “Only in the steady and constant application of force lies the very first prerequisite for success. This persistence, however, can always and only arise from a definite spiritual conviction. Any violence which does not spring from a firm, spiritual base, will be wavering and uncertain.” ought to go down a storm, no?

  • vsm

    Just attribute it to a founding father and you’re all set.

  • Foreigner

    There was a Founding Father name of Adolphus Huttle, no?

  • Chris

     That uterus stuff seems plausible to me.  I’m sure got it from a reputable source; perhaps the New England Journal of Made-up BS?  I can’t confirm that though…

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Tides go in

    Tides go out

    YOU CAN’T CONFIRM THAT

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Tides go in

    Tides go out

    YOU CAN’T CONFIRM THAT

    But Neil DeGrasse Tyson can.

  • Rae

    Squid beak, you say?

    brb, getting my Gardasil shot!(And you said “unleaded nightmare fuel” and I’m going to still be on TV Tropes at 2 AM….)

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    brb, getting my Gardasil shot!(And you said “unleaded nightmare fuel” and I’m going to still be on TV Tropes at 2 AM….)

    Do not forget Vagina Dentata while you are at it.  

  • fraser

     But those are real! My wife explained she’s the last woman left in America who doesn’t have them, which is why I can’t risk having sex with anyone else!

  • Jenny Islander

    For all of you who would rather not lose the next half-day to TV Tropes, I’ll just leave this here.  Enjoy the ear worm.  You’re welcome.

    http://www.queenofwands.net/d/20040121.html

  • phranckeaufile

    Are we talking legitimate rape goblins?

  • SisterCoyote

    I’ll just be over here shuddering quietly in the corner at not only the image of “thousands of dead babies embedded in the womb”, but also the idea that someone thought this was a plausible thing to say, and not an episode of some kind of freaky sci-fi horror show that was never aired.

    Also, anyone with a basic understanding of anything relating to reproduction, including where men come into the picture, would know that they’d actually be half-babies embed–

    I’ll stop now.

  • fraser

     Anne Coulter once announced in one of her columns that every single person who ever got off death row because of DNA evidence is guilty, and the whole DNA evidence thing is a conspiracy by the liberal media to discredit the death penalty.
    Or there’s that judge recently who claimed that if a woman didn’t want to be raped, her body would shut the rape off (not pregnancy–it could shut off the rape).
    Plausibility has nothing to do with the right wing.

  • http://flickr.com/photos/sedary_raymaker/ Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Does a graveyard uterus lead to a haunted vagina? Someone call a theologian!

  • Kit

     YES! Did you find that through Goblinbooks too? Or are you just that good??

  • http://twitter.com/shutsumon Becka Sutton

     Until I read the link I thought you were talking about this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Haunted-Vagina-Carlton-Mellick-III/dp/097624988X

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    OMG… No amount of brain bleach is going to undo that.

  • http://twitter.com/shutsumon Becka Sutton

     A lot of Bizarro premises have that effect on me. The rest just make me go WTF?!

  • ohiolibrarian

    Just because there’s not enough creepy and crazy in this thread, I thought I’d direct you to this David Corn (of Mother Jones) story about FreedomWorks: Fake Giant Panda Having Sex With Fake Hillary Clinton.

    I also thought this comment on DailyKos was interesting.

    [edited for clarity]

  • fredgiblet

    You know it’s only a small step from mandatory marijuana to mandatory LSD, what would think if it was YOUR parents being forced to trip balls?

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     I think I saw that movie. The punchline in the end was that when the main character retired from being president at the age of 26, having had everyone over 40 rounded up and put in homes where they were given mandatory LSD to make them mellow, he runs into a bunch of 12 year olds who swear their plan to do exactly the same thing to everyone over 20.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Wasn’t that some movie in like, 1968? *googles*

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_in_the_Streets

    Bingo. :p

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    Yeah. I saw it because it was on a double-feature DVD with a fun little post-apocalyptic movie along a similar theme (Everyone over 21 dies due to cold war bioweapons) that happened to have been filmed in a colleague’s hometown

  • fredgiblet

    Reminds me of dealing with creationists.  Watching people TRY to parody them and fail because they’re already caricatures and there’s pretty much nothing silly enough to have not been said by one already.

  • Albanaeon

    Wow.  I am honestly more horrified that there’s a segment of the population that ignorant of female biology that they’d buy this for a second than the image.  I really think they must believe that a fertilized ovum looks like a tiny person that latches on to an ever ready womb.  It just stupefies me.

  • http://spiritnewsdaily.com/ Donovan Moore

    funny. You know what fundamentalist stands for?  No fun, too much damn, and not enough mental.  thank you Jesus.

  • Abigail Nussbaum

    Guys, I think you’re missing out on the true implication of what Swanson is saying.  According to him, there are God knows how many women walking around with God knows how many rotting corpses inside their bodies, and they’re all fine

    The only conclusion to be drawn is that birth control is a wonder drug that renders the body utterly impervious to infection.  Everyone should be taking it!

    (More seriously, if Swanson were the kind of person who was amenable to logic, I’d want to point out to him that Savita Halappanavar had a half-dead fetus in her body for all of a week, and she died of sepsis at the end of it.  There are a million ways in which what he says makes no sense, but the fact that it relies on the dead uterus babies being incorruptible is almost the best of them.)

  • christopher_y

    I suppose it’s conceivable that a physician did tell Dobson that shit, because the physician in question had bet a friend (a surgeon) that she could could get Dobson to repeat any ridiculous story they came up with, and after a long night in a bar, that was the one they settled on to try.

  • http://mordicai.livejournal.com Mordicai

    I have not had this confirmed, but [some terrible lie about James Dobson]. Which means [something terrible]. I don’t know for sure if that’s true, but that’s the kind of thing that is coming. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/chrisalgoo Chris Algoo

    I love the headline, it reads like something out of Wonkette.

  • Cosmicdancer

    I bet he heard about this :  
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome   and twisted the facts to scare women  If you look at it through his twisted  Fundy lens and total lack of understanding of how women’s bodies work and then add two cups of deliberately trying to terrify people so he can control them .  That’s right, a disease that isn’t her fault,that many perfectly good Christian women probably have,   that often causes *infertility*, is really her own fault for trying to choose when and how she gets pregnant.      But then,  all this talk about   sex being only for producing children, or  that women who don’t have kids aren’t real women or even *evil*,  is vastly offensive to infertile people.  

  • Kit

    The big humor there  is that the only real treatment for PCOS is hormonal birth control , which (often) stops the damn things from forming. It also gets brought up a lot in the “employers need to pay for birth control for health reasons” argument.

  • Cosmicdancer

     Hard to explain that to people who don’t understand menstruation  :

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

     Hard to explain that to people who don’t understand menstruation  :

    Blah, what need to righteous, Godly men have to involve themselves in unclean women’s mysteries?  If God wanted men to care, he would not have made girls so icky with cooties and the like.  :p

  • Isabel C.

    GAAAAAAH. 

    On the one hand, the horror enthusiast in me thinks that more lies-for-Jesus should sound like they come out of the SCP Foundation files, because at least that’s interesting.

    On the other hand: GAAAAAH EW EW EW ICK WHY IS IT NOT 5 PM WHY CAN I NOT DRINK AT WORK GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

  • AnonymousSam

    There is not enough brain bleach in the world!

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    On the one hand, the horror enthusiast in me thinks that more lies-for-Jesus should sound like they come out of the SCP Foundation files, because at least that’s interesting.

    Description:Subject appears to be an adult caucasion woman of Anglican descent, judged to be in her late twenties.  Lesions and abrasions on her skin suggest a history of physical abuse.  X-Ray scans of her torso reveal several miniature skeletons embedded in the walls of her womb.  Blood sampling analysis shows trace signs of as yet unidentified chemicals.  Laboratory analysis of these samples is ongoing (see Addendum 23.)  

    Subject first came to Foundation attention on [REDACTED] by way of Agent [CLASSIFIED] and was taken into Foundation custody from her home in [REDACTED].  The acquisition team interrupted her family of eighteen while they were involved in some kind of fertility prayer around her.  They were restrained by force and administered class B amnesiacs and their personal effects altered to remove suggestions of her former presence.  

  • Fusina

    How does the meme go? “Scotty beam me up. There isn’t any intelligent life down here.”?

    Err, not here here, you all are highly evolved beings with whom I am glad to communicate. But the evidence is in, and those who are intelligent seem to be totally outnumbered by those who are batshit stupid. (Not crazy. I’ve got crazy friends who are smarter than these clowns.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Farmer/719444296 James Farmer

    I have not had this confirmed, but a physician told me last week that
    Congress recently passed a law that has been signed by the president
    that would make it illegal to give people over 70 years of age stents
    for their heart.

    Indeed, if someone told me my government had passed a law like that, it’s something I’d be trying to confirm real quick.  And it should be fairly easy, right?  The proceedings of the U.S. Congress are publically available, right?  Federal laws are published documents, right?  You could probably even google for it.

    This puts me in mind of a racist “true story” I’ve seen a shared a few times on Facebook.  It even ends with a request to “share this without question – I did!”  Presumably the original author knew that 2 minutes of questions and googling would show the facts have been grossly massaged to fit the narrative someone wanted to tell.  But then, I guess the point of things shared on Facebook is rarely to share knowledge and encourage measured consideration of any issue…

  • Lori

     

    It even ends with a request to “share this without question – I did!”  

    Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?

    The fact that there is clearly an appreciable number of people who are smart enough to do at least the basics in Facebook, but too f’ing stupid to grasp that this is a big neon sign saying that the story is total BS is depressing as hell.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OAUXAA362EXWLYVMPJOKLFB5JQ Incipient Madness

     Seems not giving stents to people over 70 is perfectly Biblical. “Three score and ten” the KJV says as an example of a long natural life. Still, I think stents might be a good idea for most people over seventy.

    The “babies in suspended animation in the womb” because of the pill thing is just crazy. But I’d bet my bass (my most prize possession) that within three years we hear this micro-baby hypothesis stated as fact by a candidate for US Congress.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    The “babies in suspended animation in the womb” because of the pill thing is just crazy.

    You know, that is something that people can actually do in Ian M. Banks Culture series.  Thanks to transhuman genetic modification, people in The Culture can make the choice to accept sperm and become pregnant or not, as their desire, and if they do become pregnant they can choose to suspend a pregnancy, halting the process until they choose to continue it.  

    I say “people” and not “women” because (thanks to those same modifications) anyone in The Culture can choose to spontaneously change sex.  By “spontaneously” I mean without further medical intervention, the actual process takes a few months for all the biological changes to apply.  This also has the side effect of pretty much annihilating sexism, since when anyone can be any sex, what is the point?  A person’s sex then becomes purely a matter of personal preference which they are free to change as they see fit.  

  • http://twitter.com/shutsumon Becka Sutton

    Embryonic diapause and natural sex changes – he’s taking his Transhumans’ adaptions from nature, isn’t he?

    (One of the alien species I’m worldbuilding has a form of embryonic diapause and it’s the least odd thing about their reproduction by human standards).

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Embryonic diapause and natural sex changes – he’s taking his Transhumans’ adaptions from nature, isn’t he?

    Most of them.  People in the Culture also have glands that they can use to secrete pretty much any brain-altering chemical they wish.  Many of them spend a lot of time zonked out on some drug or another, though many get bored of just that.  The entire Culture is pretty much one group of ethical hedonists, a lifestyle which is enabled by having a post-singularity, post-scarcity technology level.  The only reason someone has to do anything productive is because they want to.  

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     It’s not really clear to me what “productive” even means in a Culture context. Anything I could do in that world can be done much better by something that isn’t me, and which has the bandwidth to do it.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    It’s not really clear to me what “productive” even means in a Culture context. Anything I could do in that world can be done much better by something that isn’t me, and which has the bandwidth to do it.

    That is a salient point brought up in the books themselves.  Say a person wants to build a space ship.  They can go and join a construction crew putting the thing together.  However, whatever Mind (a super-intelligent artificial sentience which runs most Culture ships and habitats) was in control of the local area could probably build the same ship faster and better with only a modest effort on its part.  However, there are still people who go out and build ships.  Why?  Because they want to.  The Mind could take over for them if the situation demanded it, but generally lets them go about their business in part because they tend to like it when people do that, it adds a little unpredictability and personality to the process that makes it interesting for the Mind which will eventually inhabit it.  For that matter, a Mind can operate a ship all on its own, but ships will still often take on human crews because the human company makes things a bit less boring.  

    People in the Culture do not have jobs, so much as they have really dedicated hobbies.  It ties back into that ethical hedonism thing they have going.  

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

     Right, exactly. Whatever that person’s motive for building a ship is, it isn’t the belief that there ought to be a ship, or that they’re best suited to building it. It is, as you say, hedonic. Calling it productive seems mistaken.

  • Posterboy
  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    And your problem is…….?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gary-Weinhold/100001695758111 Gary Weinhold

    I had received a heart stint at 59 years young with 70% blockage in my right main artery as a retired veteran in a Military Hospital. The Dr. was a civilian training a Military Dr. Intern during the procedure.They placed the stent in my right main artery through my right leg groin area with the training Dr. using control joy sticks for emplacement with a monitor above me .I was awake during the entire procedure and never felt any pain or discomfort during the procedure.I stayed one night only for observation reason .Today, I feel great at 63 years  and am on Plavix for the rest of my life since they placed a  new drug eluding stent  for Diabetic Patients.Your Dr. is the one who make the call if you are healthy enough for the risk and not Politicians or the Government. 

  • Sgt. Pepper’s Bleeding Heart

    …Is this supposed to be an argument *against* socialised medicine?

  • Jenny Islander

    You do realize that “the Government,” which is made up of “Politicians,” made the call for you, right?  That as a veteran entitled to care in a military hospital, you are in fact a recipient of socialized medicine, right?  That the rest of us have to live with systems that let private industry profit-chasers make the call, and that we had death panels all along and they were called lifetime insurance caps and determined 100 percent by the private insurance industry . . . right?

  • http://www.spiritualsoundingboard.com/ Julie Anne

    Regarding Swanson, I have been following this story and pursuing him to get him to reveal the sources of his ridiculous comment.  I’ve sent an e-mail, posted on his Generations Radio FB page, have tweeted him.  I had comments removed from the Generations page, but then when I stated that as soon as I posted a comment, I would be taking a screen shot, the other comments mysteriously appeared again.  He is back peddling.  He issued a response to the many who have questioned him.  I call it a non-response.  Instead of citing sources, he referred to a study done 30 years ago by an AUTHOR, not a scientist or doctor.  I noticed that he has removed the broadcast from his website.  He will not fess up that he was wrong.  He just sweeps it under the rug.  I will continue to watch this man and report when he uses his position of authority and reputation to emotionally manipulate people.  My Response to Kevin Swanson’s Non-Response about Embedded Dead Babies and Damage Control

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    I will continue to watch this man and report when he uses his position of authority and reputation to emotionally manipulate people.

    I applaud you, Julie Anne, and I appreciate the effort you have and do make.  Swanson needs to be kept accountable.  

  • Launcifer

    So, wait, this so-called “wisdom” of Solomon is no such thing? He was just trying to get the half-baby thing down on paper before creeps like Swanson came along and started jabbering on about it.

    I mean, that’s obviously a literal interpretation of the text, right?