Schlonged!

Warning: This post contains bad words. Sorry about that. But we’re all adults here and Science now says that people who curse have better vocabularies.

I think that the funniest thing about Donald Trump’s use of the Yiddish word schlong is his denial that he said anything weird.

The word really means “serpent.” But just like many people use that word as a synonym for penis, in Yiddish and English (or Yinglish) it pretty much exclusively refers to a penis.

Also, schlong is a noun. I’ve never heard it used as a verb. I’ve been exposed to that word my whole life and I never heard anyone say that someone got “schlonged.” Maybe I have a limited imagination, but the only sense that I could tease out of The Donald’s statement is that, in 2008, Hillary got f***ed up. Maybe he thought “schlonged” was more polite?

But The Donald does not apologize. No, The Donald just does what he always does when confronted with a fact. He makes up some new drek. So he tweeted this:

When I said that Hillary Clinton got schlonged by Obama, it meant got beaten badly. The media knows this. Often used word in politics!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2015

And this:

It is a shame that the biased media is able to so incorrectly define a word for the public when they know that the definition is wrong. Sad!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2015

Oy vey izh mir, The Donald! No one says that in politics. Not often and not rarely.

And all the dictionaries agree. A schlong, as used in English or in Yiddish (שלאַנג), is a penis.

But as long as we’re using it your way, The Donald, let me add my voice to the chorus of those who hope that you get royally schlonged in this election.

The Donald has pledged that if he’s elected, “We’re all going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

Merry Christmas, schmuck.