Neurosis Inspired Home Improvement …

… I have this hideous chicken wire fence at the back of my property. It’s all that protects me from the horrors that hide in the deep recesses of the Kudzu tangled woods that surround my house. We call this area Mirkwood. We do not venture in there. Ever. It’s where It lives.

This chicken wire fence causes me much distress. It’s unsightly and ruins the view out the kitchen window. I’ve thought about tearing it down and putting up a privacy fence but truth be told, as terrifying as Mirkwood is at night it is exceedingly lovely in the day. Haunted forests have an enchanted, almost beckoning effect. I’ve been told their charm is how would be victims are lured in.

In the spring Mirkwood is bright new growth green. In the summer it’s a shaded respite where birds take shelter. In the fall it’s a glorious display of Autumn’s finery. Even in the winter, the bare trees sparkle with frost. I cannot bare to destroy this natural wonder by hiding it away behind a blah looking privacy fence. But the chicken wire. Ugh.

So my newest project around the house will be to shabby chic up the chicken wire fence. Or at least make it a more functional feature of the yard. Because standing at less than 3 feet high, it’s not really protecting me from the zombies and Orcs that surely reside in Mirkwood. Even still, it gives my mind small comfort to know some barrier exists between civilization and untamed wilderness.

So here’s the plan… a hanging vertical garden. Something like this.

And yes, I’ve considered that planting a food source so close to the entrance of Mirkwood could possibly lure out hungry demons… but then I remembered, silly me, demons eat souls, monsters eat flesh, and zombies eat brains. I don’t think Orcs are herbivores either.

So with that crisis averted, what do you think?

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