Neurosis Inspired Home Improvement …

… I have this hideous chicken wire fence at the back of my property. It’s all that protects me from the horrors that hide in the deep recesses of the Kudzu tangled woods that surround my house. We call this area Mirkwood. We do not venture in there. Ever. It’s where It lives.

This chicken wire fence causes me much distress. It’s unsightly and ruins the view out the kitchen window. I’ve thought about tearing it down and putting up a privacy fence but truth be told, as terrifying as Mirkwood is at night it is exceedingly lovely in the day. Haunted forests have an enchanted, almost beckoning effect. I’ve been told their charm is how would be victims are lured in.

In the spring Mirkwood is bright new growth green. In the summer it’s a shaded respite where birds take shelter. In the fall it’s a glorious display of Autumn’s finery. Even in the winter, the bare trees sparkle with frost. I cannot bare to destroy this natural wonder by hiding it away behind a blah looking privacy fence. But the chicken wire. Ugh.

So my newest project around the house will be to shabby chic up the chicken wire fence. Or at least make it a more functional feature of the yard. Because standing at less than 3 feet high, it’s not really protecting me from the zombies and Orcs that surely reside in Mirkwood. Even still, it gives my mind small comfort to know some barrier exists between civilization and untamed wilderness.

So here’s the plan… a hanging vertical garden. Something like this.

And yes, I’ve considered that planting a food source so close to the entrance of Mirkwood could possibly lure out hungry demons… but then I remembered, silly me, demons eat souls, monsters eat flesh, and zombies eat brains. I don’t think Orcs are herbivores either.

So with that crisis averted, what do you think?

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • G.R.

    I have a love/hate relationship with our Mirkwood. During the day the birds sing and the rabbits hop around and it’s straight out of a storybook. At night, um, ever see that X-Files episode about the fountain of youth? yeah…. I like the vertical fence idea, very cute and useful! Fresh veggies are awesome. We can’t put up a fence anytime soon, but I’m planting free bushes. At least they’ll rustle if something tries to get through them :p

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      AHHHHHHHH! Why do you put these things in my head?! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detour_(The_X-Files)

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        I’ll never set foot in my yard again.

        • G.R.

          Oops. Sorry. Guess I should have put a warning on that post :/

  • Quittin’ time at Tara!

    Grow plenty of garlic, in case you have the Kavorka.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Great. Now this image is stuck in my mind.

  • PeonyMoss

    Oh, how cute! A deer feeder!

  • http://connecticutcatholiccorner.blogspot.com/ CT Catholic Corner

    Since we raise ducks and geese wire fencing is a must around here and I don’t mind it. I guess I’ve learned to look through the wire to the wonder of nature beyond it- both the green kind and the feathered kind. :)
    I think growing flowering vines on it is a good idea, or merely planting some low growing evergreen shrubs so it is covered year round. Good luck! And please share photos of the final results. I’d love to see them.

  • Stephen Lowe

    The mirkwood is a place my dogs hold their heads up and take a good sniff of the air at night – all from a safe distance away. I often wonder what they are envisioning – is it a large cat, a beautiful dog, a bear or just determining if there is something aromatic to roll in after dawn arrives. All of the above I suspect.

  • Digital Hairshirt

    Good Lord, Kat, I am glad I didn’t have you sleep in Katie’s room, facing the tangle of woods beyond!

  • Eugene Edward Yeo

    Your yard stories make me want to go hunting.

  • AnneG

    Some blueberry bushes would be nice, too. Our dog refuses to go outside at night because of a possum that takes over the deck. Now, you gave me the ñañas, too, with that creepy picture.

  • http://outsidetheautisticasylum.blogspot.com/ Theodore Seeber

    It’s got Kudzu? Free food! Add more veggies to the fence, and put a gate in it!


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