Oh, masculinity, I weep for your demise…

… Let me be perfectly clear; leggings are not mother flipping pants. Everybody needs to just stop. Now. They are not pants. They have never been nor will they ever be pants. Not pants. Not pants. No pantalones.

Because this is what happens when allow leggings to be worn as pants…

You have just had your eyes assaulted by something called meggings. What kind of man buys these things? Does he have some raiding to do in the forests of Nottingham or is he just looking for that comfortable, yet stylish, pair of pants to predominantly showcases his man junk?

Men, please come back. Don’t tread any further into the androgynous abyss. Leave the man tights for superheroes and this guy…

Shatner is not impressed with your tights.

In case you need some help, let me suggest how a man is supposed to dress. And that would be like a man, not a woman strutting back from a hot yoga class.

Mother of God. I don’t hate you all. Here’s a visual palate cleanser to man up the joint, because I’m a giver.

Related: Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout a Sharped Dressed Man

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  • http://rosarynovice.stblogs.com/ Augustine

    What kind of man would wear yoga pants? Why, ballet dancers, of course! Anyone else should be shown the shed for a good wooping.

    • djl

      I suspect those men would be into that.

  • Fabio

    What a piece of shit blog

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      I can tell you are a fine specimen of wit and intelligence. And that your meggings are too tight.

    • The Lost Dutchman

      Fabio, your eloquent, detailed, and highly witty refutation of Ms. Fernandez’s points has convinced me. (I found your numerous historical-sociological references especially compelling.) I will immediately commence wearing nothing but meggings, and I shall buy a pair for all of my friends (two pairs if they’re Catholic).

    • Tom

      Are you THE Fabio, or just some guy with an internet connection?

      • James H, London

        Nah – he’s just a sneer of excrement.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      shall my next post be about loincloths instead?

      • James H, London

        Maybe he’d rather hear about toilet-paper?

  • Maurisa Mayerle

    Ach! My eyes! Thanks for burning that image into my brain for all eternity. Seriously, WTF is that designer thinking?

  • Michael

    Maybe they’ll suffer the same internal organ damage that Spanx is supposedly causing…

  • JohnE_o

    Is it sad that I knew the Shatner pic was taken from the Season 1 episode “Charlie X” without looking it up?

  • kenofken

    I had forgotten how utterly homoerotic the old Star Trek series was! There were ALWAYS dudes in tights and shirtless, usually while grappling one another…

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Quality television!

    • Quittin’ time at Tara!

      O right you are double ken. There was even a uniform dress for dudes.

      • kenofken

        If you’re gonna cross, do it up sexy! I don’t have anything against gender bending per se, but the last thing we need in the mix is frumpy men!

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

        Those boots!

        • Nan

          THose boots were made for go-go dancing.

  • Stu

    So when did chicks start liking effeminate looking men (our hostess excluded of course)?

    • Nan

      There were a couple of factors, one being that the pill messes with women’s interpretation of pheromones, which means when they’re on the pill they get hooked up with metrosexuals with whom they aren’t actually compatible, and when they go off the pill to get pregnant, assuming they do so, they go “ewwwww!” Another factor is that the mid-20th century hairstyles which required aerosol hairspray, contributed to a reduction of size in their male children’s junk so there are more effeminate men around.

      • Quittin’ time at Tara!

        Don’t forget the estrogen from pill pee, leaching into our water supply. It has already been proven that it turns male fish into girl fish.

        Did I just type pill pee? Twice? What has this blog made me? I am a monster.

        • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

          I’m an enabler.

        • Nan

          Oh, and don’t forget the freakazoid mutant frogs.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      With the introduction of the Pill.

  • Eugene Edward Yeo

    Gentlemen, take note. And remember: Nothing is worn beneeth the kilt. It’s all in perfect working order.

    • Stu

      Well played.

      I always wore my kilt with my mess kit as well. I would routinely have someone attempt to report me to Mr. Vice for being out of uniform and expecting for me to get fined. It always backfired and Mr. Vice would fine them for displaying jealously.

      • Eugene Edward Yeo

        At that particular event There was some kind of Air Force ROTC shindig going on. I had a couple of cadets try and pull rank on me. It was *adorable*.

  • KarenJo12

    I pretty much disagree with you about everything, until today. Olympic athletes, superheroes, and ballet dancers can wear those things; ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE. And for what it’s worth, that rule applies to women as well. Going to the gym? Sure, wear the leggings, but change once you get home. Otherwise, NO.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Common ground. :D

      • KarenJo12

        Definitely. Were we in the same city, I would buy you a beer so we could plot the extinction of leggings worn by anyone who isn’t paying or being paid to sweat.

  • George.a.da.Jungle

    I love those boots on the aviator getting the haircut.

  • defiant12314

    can we have a few photos of president putin please? that guy is masculine and he ain’t ashamed of it

  • BTP

    Actually, I think I have the legs to pull this off. Maybe not, you know, everywhere, but maybe for some shopping or an informal diner or something. It could work

  • Korou

    I think those leggings look great. You’re right, they’re not pants, they’re leggings. And they look very handsome leggings. Especially the one in the middle.

  • KyPerson

    Back in the days of the Tudors and for quite a while after, men did wear tights. And when Beau Brummel was the arbiter of fashion, men’s pantaloons were very, very tight. And evening wear was knee britches with stockings. So men did used to wear tights.

    But I still think they look silly.

  • djl

    Love the last pic. Made it all better.

  • tj.nelson

    These are the new Zubaz! I like my leopard ones.