Lessons From a Voodoo Priestess On Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Lilith Dorsey Double Zombie photo by Don Waterhawk.

There are definitely some practical tips and some special Voodoo secrets for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Many of you know I’m way down in New Orleans celebrating Carnival time. Tonight I will be reading Voodoo tarot cards and Walking Dead Zombie watching at Snake and Jake’s Christmas Club lounge. So in honor of that here are some lessons from a Voodoo Priestess on Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.

Disclaimer: I’ve discussed in depth how voodoo is related to Zombies in only the most remote of ways. The actual zombies of Haitian folklore were actually under the influence of various herbs and chemicals that produced temporary paralysis, memory loss, and disorientation. The following is a list of practical advice, most of which applies to life as a whole, not just Zombie attack. For more information on Real zombies in Haitian Vodou check out my film:

Lessons From A Voodoo Priestess on Surviving A Zombie Apocalypse

  • Baby Wipes. You will thank me, there is never not a reason to have baby wipes. Magickally you can add a few drops of lavender essential oil for protection, the oil is also a good anti-bacterial, not saying it would stop your face from falling off if you became infected with the zombie pox, but you could try.
  • Get Help ! If film, television, folklore and magick have taught us nothing else it’s that we ain’t in this alone. Get Woody Harrelson, a voodoo priestess, Jaime from Mythbusters, Michonne from the Walking Dead, inversely you could choose to keep your enemies closer, and keep a couple around to trip in case of a dangerous situation.
  •  Don’t turn your back on your enemy! This is Voodoo protection , Sicilian practice, and overall great advice. Florida water is also great for protection, against Zombies or whatever else the world throws at you.
  • Choose your weapons wisely.Didn’t anyone ever tell you Home is where the hatchet is! Lizzie Borden knew it and you should too.

    Lizzie Borden Gift Shop by Jim McIntosh. Licensed under CC 2.0
  • Animals :Maybe too familiar??? This is a difficult area, many of us as pagans have animals as familiars (spirit companions that we work with, think Harry Potter and the owl.) Under normal circumstances animals are great for your magick, your health, your life, however the Walking Dead and other zombie themed media have shown us that animals may not be immune to zombification. Pet at your own risk.
  • Suit up. Make sure nothing vulnerable is exposed, and that you have adequate clothing. You could choose to cover yourself with Voodoo Veves or other protection symbols like runes, again couldn’t hurt.
  • Know your knots. Boy scouts, and kinky folks will definitely have the advantage when the apocalypse comes. Zombies and foes will need to be quickly and easily neutralized.
  • Don’t be a jerk. Payback is a bitch. Taunting zombies always seems to turn out poorly.
  • Wear protection, don’t have sex, especially don’t get pregnant. If there are freaking Zombies around, chances are your life is a horror movie and you know what happens to people who have sex in horror movies.

 

Inverted Zombie Walk photo by Gamma Man. Licensed under CC 2.0

Voodoo-Influenced Zombie Survival kit  Include twinkies, hot Voodoo Zaps, pudding … even better than brains, I’ve already mentioned lavender oil, and florida water. What would you add to the list ?

 

Thanks for laughing, I hope, and keep coming back, I don’t bite, yet.

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