Waking Up

Do you ever experience this thing where for a couple brief seconds after you wake up you have no idea who you are? You just are.

And then your name, your personality, and what you need to do that day come flooding back over you.

It’s such a disappointment. Not that I don’t love being who I am, but whenever all that info dumps back onto me in the morning, it feels like an unnecessary weight. Oh yeah, I have to be that person. Sigh.

I try to recapture the blissful nothingness of the first moment of consciousness, but there’s no getting it back.

I think maybe that’s a taste of what it’s like to be fully enlightened. No burden of having to be a particular limited human being. Just an expanse of pure consciousness.

I could definitely do without the to-do list too. Mere seconds after waking, my head is awash with: I need to mail that letter today, and send out that book to reviewers, and get the car back early from work for Brad, and I should contact that person, and I think I need to buy more dog food. 

I wonder if there is any way to hold on to that blissfully empty state for just a few minutes longer.


About Ambaa

Ambaa is an American woman of European ancestry who is also a practicing Hindu. She is fascinated with questions of philosophy, culture, and the meaning of life. Join her in the journey to explore how a non-Indian convert to Hinduism experiences her religion.

  • Y. A. Warren

    I used to set my alarm an hour earlier than I had to in order to make time for extra time of “pure” consciousness. This was really tough when I had to be up at 4:00am, but was worth it.

    • Ambaa

      Wow! I don’t know that I could manage that. Were you really able to hold on to the feeling of pure consciousness for an hour?

      • Y. A. Warren

        As a child growing up in an abusive home, I taught myself, very early in life, to block out all exterior influences.

        I am very fortunate to be married to a man who is financially and otherwise supportive of me, and my children and grandchildren are grown. I have the time and freedom from other responsibilities to spend a great deal of time in what I refer to as a “twilight” or “pre-conscious” state.

        • Ambaa

          I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re lazing around with lots of time! I just mean I can’t seem to stay free from distraction and the limitations of my mind for longer than…3 seconds?

          Sounds like your ability to block things out was hard won and obviously not a good way to get it. But I’m still impressed that you learned to to it.

          • Y. A. Warren

            I am actually “lazing around with lots of time.” My husband is a physician retired in 2000 by his need for a heart transplant, which we are both blessed that he received in 2001.

            I spend my time waiting on him to return from his full-time volunteer work by volunteering and studying via the internet.

          • Ambaa

            That’s awesome!

            Where do you volunteer? I’m trying to get more involved in serving others and it’s difficult to know where to start!

          • Y. A. Warren

            I volunteer with World Pulse, an organization that teaches citizen journalism to women in areas of intense oppression. We are now serving women in over 190 countries. To get started, follow this linkhttp://www.worldpulse.com/pulsewire/about/guide

          • Sri

            ‘I’m trying to get more involved in serving others’. This word shows that you are great, being unselfish means being great.
            When we do an action without selfish motive, we are restricting our mind from the virtues of the action, controlling our mind from merits of the action. This self restriction, self control generates an enormous amount of mind power by stopping us from distraction of mind towards desires. Our mind start to travel towards selflessness (God) from selfishness (desires). At last we realize that there is nothing called ‘I’. The thought ‘I’ is an illusion (Maya). We realize God is absolute; everything in this universe is God.

  • Sri

    In our normal consciousness our mind is full of thoughts. Our mind is like road traffic of a busy city or like a huge factory. A lot of thoughts passing in, generating new thoughts and sending out of your mind. When you start meditating, the numbers of thought in your mind comes down gradually and you can feel peace. Couple of seconds, or may be for a few minutes, after you wake up you are free from unwanted distracting thoughts. This is the best time for meditation and it is not the stage of full enlightenment.
    We as a Hindu shall not satisfy on simple things happening around us, miracles and even various super natural visions are part of Maya. The aim is go beyond Maya.

    • Ambaa

      Getting longer states of that consciousness might actually motivate me to meditate!

      • Sri

        If you practice regularly, soon you will be observed in deep meditation. You can realize better state than this and you can feel far more peace inside.