For a long time the worship song, Here I am to Worship used to be my go to prayer-language-phrase. It was the phrase I found myself writing in prayer journals over and over again. It was the phrase I heard myself repeating to God when there was nothing else to say. It was the sentiment I felt most drawn to when it seemed the truth was more aligned with ‘here I am having screwed things up Lord.’
Acknowledging the here & now is the hardest part, isn’t it? At least that’s why I stuff in another doughnut. That’s why I run out to buy something new for that temporary happiness boost. I’m here, this hurts. Let’s fix it. But this is also what sends me straight to God. Here I am to worship. Or at least, here I am not capable of the type of worship you’re so deserving of. But I’m here.
Here I am seemingly incapable of loving these children the way they need to be loved. But I’m here.
Here I am soaking in all this goodness you’ve given me, but distracted. Still here though.
There’s so much comfort in that. When I have nothing to give, nothing to impress God with just showing up is enough. I’m here. Here I am very scared. At least it’s honest.
Thank you God for accepting me here. I will be here. Here I am in the beautiful. Here I am in the ugly.
Here I am.
This post is a part of Five Minute Friday where we write for 5 minutes flat on a weekly prompt.