Day 58 of 90 straight days of hot yoga at Moksha Yoga LA and this morning was filled with my daughters school singing, it was wonderful watching all the different expressions of kids. Some dancing, some quiet, some loud, some laughing, some mouthing the words, and some all over the place. Reminds me of my 58 days of yoga.
Today’s practice was strong with moments of adjustment. I asked for help. I used to have trouble asking for help, for some reason I had feelings of defeat, sometimes shame, or unworthiness that I couldn’t do it. Now I realize that none of that is true. So if I need help, or have a question, guess what? I am asking.
Matt our teacher is a good, strong teacher. His demonstrations, and adjustments are really great. I connect really well to his guidance. I love being adjusted, especially now that I have been doing so many days back to back. I am starting to really understand what it feels like to have dominion over the mind and body, and allow the divine to come through.
This morning I experienced a death meditation. In Buddhism a death meditation is to visualize yourself dying. First the ears go quiet, organs go, breath stops, etc… and it continues with feeling the family clean your body, and then being put in a casket, and then feeling the dirt being thrown on you and finally being put in the ground. At no point in the meditation do you experience the death from outside yourself, you are in it. In the experience.
What you realize going through the process, is at any point in your life, you will breathe, and the breath won’t come back. That is it, end of story. Your identity, sexuality, race, creed, salary, home, dogma, all the things and people you fought with, or were good with, gone. In the dirt. I do this to remind me of the preciousness of the moment. The fragility of the body and the power of the breath. Without the breath, we are done. Death shows us that we are equal. We might differ in religion, God or no God, politics, sexuality, but death is what we go through, all of us, no escaping. It is real.
In Buddhism, death is the first thing that is looked at and confronted. If you run from death, you will be lazy, judgmental, arrogant, pride filled, controlling, greedy, you won’t want to do spiritual practice all the time, you will want quick fixes, and you will expect people to play by your rules, until you sit with your death. Then it changes. Death brings you life. You see that by sitting with your death, you realize, you have no idea at all how long you will be here.
Then one day death comes to you, says, “It’s time.” You explain, give me more time, “I gave you 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and you did nothing, what will more time give you.” If you get a chance, be with your death. It is not morbid, it is life changing.
On to day 59…Namste…