The next group book review organised by Diet of bookworms is published today, this is my contribution, if you want to learn more about what other bloggers think about this book then why not pop over there.
Hedges by Jerry Jenkins is a book of practical strategies to guard your marriage. It is one man honestly speaking from his struggle to urge all men to take seriously the chance that they too might fall to sexual immorality.
It is a vital subject, and this is definitely an area where men need to be very careful if they think they are standing, as a sexual fall according to this book is not so far from any of us.
One central theme of the book is that no mature how mature a man is he will never stop finding women attractive and that he shouldn’t even try. Indeed the book even argues that it is possible to admire the handiwork of God in womankind without lusting. The author implies that by trying to deny this natural attraction for the female form and attempting to not even look at
women we meet in the street, we merely encourage lust. Men are encouraged to be released to recognise that they will never stop being drawn to admire the beauty of women other than their wife.
The supposition that men will always be drawn to women like bees to honey is I am sure true. I have never yet met a heterosexual man who claims to have totally conquered lust. I remember I think it was John Piper stating how a single image of a woman accidently seen can be imprinted on his mind for months. Is the answer to steal a brief look at a decently clad beautiful woman we randomly meet, thank God for his handiwork and remind ourselves that, if married, we have better things waiting for us at home?
This advice reminds me of some that was passed to me as a young man apparently orignally from Billy Graham “Its the second look that’s sinful”. I will never forget the glint in the eye of the man who told me this and went on to elaborate “…he never said you couldn’t have a long first
look!”
Some may disagree with the pragmatic honest approach of the author. Indeed at least at first sight one has to ask is it consistent with Job 31:1 I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?”
However, I doubt any of my male readers can honestly say that they are free of the urge to admire the beuuty of women. Certainly the bible says we should “flee from the temptation of lust. Hedges explains a number of practical ways the author has found to do this
I am pleased that the “hedges” are not offered as law but merely an example which each man shoulld adapt to his own personal circumstances. In many ways the most important issue is not that you adopt these hedges, but that you go through a process of working out for yourself what your hedges should be.
Here are the authors “hedges”
1. Not to dine or travel with a woman alone unless an unavoidable complication makes this impractical, and then to tell his wife first
2. To only ever hug another woman in front of others
3. To never compliment another woman on her looks, only her clothes
4. To avoid any kind of flirting except with his wife and to engage in as much flirtation as possible with his wife.
5. To remind his wife often of his wedding vows orally and in writing
6. To get home early and spend time with the children every day before bed
7. To share his story often
Not every hedge may seem practical, necessary or helpful, but to consider each of them is surely helpful for evey marriage. The book is full of other practical tips, which again need to be taken in the way they are intended- as helpful pointers and not unchangeable laws. As an example, the writer suggests asking a hotel room receptionist to lock out porn channels on check-in. Personally, I have a totally different strategy which also has the advantage of not requiring terrible embarassment at checkin- I simply never turn on the TV. If I have a few good books with me, why would I want to channel hop anyway?
This book is a useful read for any christian man, I am not sure whether women will want their illusions about the spiritualiuty of men shattered. Indeed, one area where I am less sure about is the idea that you should speak about your struggles with your wife. My wife of ten years says she would rather not know if there are other women I find attractive. She knows that if necessary I have men I can talk to about these things. Having said that, there is even a danger in talking with other men as it could degenerate into a conversation focussing on the merits of various women and become almost tittilating! Sometimes the best apprioach as advocated in this book is to simply run and then fill your mind with something else.
As helpful as this book is, it only contains one half of the story. As Piper says in Sex and the suppremacy of Christ (which incidently is a book I am currently reading)
“There are many practical strategies for being sexually pure in mind and body. I don’t demean them. I use them! But with all my heart I know, and with the authority of Scripture I know, that the tiny spaceships of our moral strategies will be useless in nudging the planet of sexuality into orbit unless the sun of our solar system is the supremacy of Christ.”
Hedges is a book that is well worth a read, but must not be seen on its own as the answer for our struggle with lust. Actually, probably a major solution to our problem is learning to grow more in our quietness and trust in Jesus.
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