Today is the 8th anniversary of my diagnosis with blood cancer. I had been sick for several weeks and therefore the diagnosis was not out of the blue. But what was less expected was that I would constantly struggle with chronic illnesses from then on. I think we often think of even cancer as an acute condition and presume it will either kill you or you will get better.
For me it hasn’t just been the cancer itself but the knock on effects, almost like a series of dominoes falling over as I add diagnoses and new consultants to the growing list. In fact I am in remission from the blood cancer, although the experts do still expect it to come back and need more treatment at some point. I appeared on Songs of Praise a couple of years back, which is a good way to hear a bit about what I have learnt in these last years. I also won’t repeat here some of the things I said last year about learning not to be defined by my list of diagnoses.
In the last year, since I posted on the seventh anniversary, I have had three hospital admissions, the last of which was at the end of March this year due to a brand new diagnosis of an aggressive form of diabetes. My HBA1c was 111 and my blood glucose 30 with ketones of 3. I was admitted and immediately started on insulin, which is unusual at my age. Prior to this, the fatigue that has been caused by several different conditions over the years had got to being the worst I had ever experienced, and I just wanted to sleep all day unless I drank copious amounts of caffeine. I wasn’t aware though that a new problem was brewing.
The lack of energy and hence poor mobility has made losing weight very hard over the years, and so in an indirect way if this is Type 2 diabetes my poor general health may help to explain it. But there is a chance it is actually Type 1 due to the rapid way it came on. This is an auto-immune condition which I am more susceptible to due to my history of a cancer in my immune system. Ironically, because I take donated antibodies weekly the test they usually use to tell the two conditions apart is unreliable as the antibodies they have detected might have come from me or one of the blood donors! Having multiple conditions is complex.
But I am less surprised and frustrated than I used to be when health challenges arise. I kind of expect them. This means I am less shaken by them than I used to be, and much less likely to ask “Why Me?” question, In fact I guess I tend to think “Why not me?” now! My hope is less for complete healing now, and more for the grace to keep going, striving to fix my eyes set on the eternal hope to come. I still find overly positive people deeply frustrating at times, however!
Tomorrow (last minute cancellations permitting!) I will be back in hospital for a planned admission to see if they can do something with my asthma that would allow me to greatly reduce the amount of steroid I need to take, as that has probably been a big contributor to the new diabetes diagnosis, and certainly makes it harder to treat. I do have some apprehension about the whole experience of being hospitalized but, am also hopeful that some changes may be able to be made as a result.
I hope to be able to write some more as the high blood sugar mental haze has started to lift! I have a lot of ideas and half completed articles to write!
My testimony is not that Jesus takes away the suffering, but that even when it seems he has forgotten you, the truth is he hasn’t and he IS with us always even to the end of the age.
Ultimately it is only the resurrection that gives us a hope that can help us when our whole world feels like it is falling apart.
The second edition of my book, Raised With Christ – How the Resurrection Changes Everything has been released in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardback. You can order the book on your nearest Amazon online store wherever you are in the World. We have been able to release this new edition of the book at a very reasonable prices:
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USA: Paperback Hardback Kindle
UK: Paperback Hardback Kindle
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