Every year, from before Thanksgiving to Yuletide, I think about how grateful I am. And thankful for everything I’ve been Blessed with. Yes, I do think about these things all year round, but much more this time of year.
Every year before November 20th, I write about The Transgender Day of Remembrance. And every year I’m thankful to be alive to write about it. Too many of us are not alive because of the violence towards people like me. You may read about this year here.
I’m grateful to be living the life I need to be living. As the woman my Goddess Hekate wanted me to be. I remember the day that surgery changed my life. I have so much gratitude for the surgeon back in Wisconsin that performed it. IF you want to read about it here.
When I first moved back to western New York State, all I would think about is where would I move next? I moved back here to my matriarchal homeland to help my slightly handicapped sister. I became almost obsessed about moving. If, or when she would cross over before me.
I forgot to be thankful for all I do have back here with her. It took awhile, but it finally had to do with the gratitude for all that she helps me with. Not just what I do to help my sister. Was I feeling sorry for myself? Yes. Maybe a little resentful that all of my chosen pagan family was back in Wisconsin? Oh yes.
She moved to Wisconsin to be with me about three years ago. So I could help her with a few things that she has trouble with. But after about a year she was really missing her friends back in New York where she had lived before. Did I forget about how she felt? Yes, I did.
I think part of the problem I was having until a few months ago was that I really never thought I’d be living back here. I didn’t even want to live back here. Too many bad memories. But I learned never to say never.
What happened to make me change my mind? Was it just my sister wanting to move back? No. The answer came in a meditation on the plane ride back from PantheaCon 2020. Hekate came to me and let me know in no uncertain terms that it was time for me to return. Yes, return to my matriarchal motherland.
It was time after all those years to come back. 59 years to be exact. Did I want to move back? Not really. But when your Goddess says it’s time, well that’s means it’s time to return. I’m grateful to Hekate that I listened to Her. Am I living back here just for my sister?
No. I don’t believe so. I was supposed to connect with my matriarchal ancestors. Most of whom I never met in this incarnation. The cemetery where a lot of them, in fact most of them are buried is a short walk from where we live. We moved here on Beltane 2020. Six days later I was in the cemetery. It was then I knew one of the reasons why I was here.
My parents had taken a very patriarchal view of our family. Mostly was about my father’s side of the family. Not my mother’s. One of the reasons was that neither one of them liked her father. So except for a few things, I didn’t know much about that side of my heritage.
I have many good memories of my mother’s grandmother. My great-grandmother. She appeared in another meditation I had when I was at PantheaCon during a ritual. I saw myself talking to her when I was a youngster. It was the first clue I had that I needed to return. I’m grateful for that time in the meditation.
I’m very certain there is more to why I’m back here. A feeling I’ve been having recently. It has nothing to do with my sister, and probably not about my ancestors either. My 60th high school reunion this past summer was canceled because of the rising Covid cases here. It got moved to 2022. So far anyway.
When I attended my 50th class reunion I reconnected with a homeroom classmate. That started a long distance relationship until she crossed over about 5 years ago. In late October I drew a Dark Goddess oracle card in my daily tarot/oracle draws. Twice, in several days. Hekate. The card said “an old flame is circling”. Hmmm.
What are you grateful and or thankful for?
Until next time…in the future…
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