Mt. Vernon, VA – George Washington, at one point a favorite among conservatives, is facing harsh criticism for introducing smallpox vaccine mandates for the US Army. The move, while controversial, makes the most sense to Washington, who recently Tweeted, “One’s freedom does not mean others should suffer as a consequence.”
This didn’t sit well with many conservatives, who were quick to lash out. “Yeah, I saw his Tweet,” said Cab Conway. “I still don’t like it. My body, my choice. This is the type of government overreach we were trying to get away from.”
Conway, a shoe salesman, wasn’t the only outspoken conservative. “You’re forcing our boys to get shots and they don’t even know what’s in them,” exclaimed Flip Feltcher, as he drank from his 64-ounce Mountain Dew.
Smallpox, which has killed hundreds of thousands of people, is wrongly said by conservatives to be no worse than the flu, even though it’s vastly more contagious and more deadly. “Diseases come and go. This one is no different. Yeah, my wife got it and is blind now. But did she die? No. So what’s the big deal?” said recently vaccinated conservative Senator Dick Smallwood.
It remains to be seen as to whether or not Washington’s bill will pass, but this much can be certain: there will be a lot of infighting between the legislators before anything gets done.
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