Reason #3: If she has to tell you, she’ll never know whether you did it because you wanted to, or simply because she told you to.
Guys, we women don’t realize that you want to do those things that will make us happy. In other words, because of that secret “am I loveable” insecurity, we subconsciously may not believe that you want to “do” things for us because you care about us.
So when we tell you what we want you to do, and you do it, we honestly, truly don’t know whether you are doing it because you really wanted to – or just because you are putting up with us and doing it because we asked you to.
So men, here’s the bottom line: practice studying your wife. Don’t roll your eyes whenever you see what feels like a test. (As you can imagine, that makes her self-doubt worse!) Instead, use it as an opportunity to show her that she is someone who is loveable – and loved. And if you build up that certainty in her, you’ll see those tests a lot less often.
Want to know how to be kind, when you really don’t want to be? Looking for encouragement for your marriage or parenting struggles? Subscribe to updates from Shaunti here!
Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average, clueless people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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