Don’t Be a Hothead! 4 Key Strategies for Keeping Your Cool

Tip #3: Before You Speak, Pause

So how do we manage to respond “calmly” to our coworker (or spouse or in-laws or kids) when we’re just as mad as he or she is? Here’s the answer: force yourself to pause for a few seconds before you reply. Seriously. That allows your will to catch up with your boiling emotions, so you can decide to handle your words well (for example, if I reply to this now, it’s only going to make it worse. Best to ask if we can continue this conversation at 1:30pm.) More importantly, if you’re a person of faith, it also gives God a chance to touch your heart and steer your reply before you move forward—full steam ahead—and have regrets about your behavior later.

So when you’re worried about your son’s progress in school and seven shades of upset that your husband didn’t agree to hire a tutor to help him, force yourself to pause and get your thoughts together before you speak. “Think before you speak” is one of the earliest lessons we teach our kids and yet sometimes we forget it as adults. We need to relearn that skill—especially when it comes to those relationships that are most important to us.