Don’t Be a Hothead! 4 Key Strategies for Keeping Your Cool

Tip #4: Practice Apologies

Since we will not always do it right, despite all those strategies, we also need to practice apologies each and every time they are needed. “I’m sorry, honey. I know you care about David and I shouldn’t have ever implied that you didn’t. Will you forgive me?” You don’t need to necessarily agree (“Maybe this weekend we could talk more specifically about why I think a tutor is so important and how we can get the money to pay for it.”) But you DO need to apologize.

This is in part because our research with the happiest relationships found that we need to keep short accounts, be willing to make up and always ask for forgiveness when we have wronged someone else—regardless of whether they have wronged us too. But also because if we know we’re going to have to apologize if we let our temper run away with us, we’ll be far less likely to do it next time!

Tell yourself venting will make it worse. Remove yourself from the frustrating situation or focus on something else. Pause to let your ability to make a good choice catch up with you. And apologize if you don’t. Try these simple actions to keep your cool for just a few weeks and you’ll find yourself handling difficult feelings well. In fact, those pause and rewind buttons you wished for will be a thing of the past.

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Shaunti Feldhahn loves sharing eye-opening information that helps people thrive in life and relationships. She herself started out with a Harvard graduate degree and Wall Street credentials but no clue about life. After an unexpected shift into relationship research for average people like her, she now is a popular speaker and author of best-selling books about men, women and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge demonstrates that kindness is the answer to pretty much every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.