Action Step #1: Learn the “let it go” habit now –since you’ll probably learn it later anyway
In our nationally-representative survey of married couples for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, we discovered that the willingness to defer and let go of day-to-day issues was crucial to a happy marriage – but was far more likely to actually happen among older couples. The longer a couple had been married – or remarried only a few years but older in age – the more likely they were to let things go. And the more likely they were to be happy in marriage as a result.
As one husband said, “once you’ve been together 30 years, you realize certain things just aren’t as important as you once thought they were.” Another said, “Eventually, you are mature enough to think back and go, ‘That was a dumb thing to get upset about, a dumb thing to fight about.’ And you learn from those.”
When a couple is younger, everything just seems so important! It is easier to get “stuck” on issues that really don’t matter that much.
Here’s a thought: Since research suggests you’re probably going to develop this habit eventually, why not develop it now, save yourself years of frustration and pain, and gain you and your spouse years of happiness?
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