Men: Bottom line … don’t stop offering; most people will take you up on it
This was by far the most prevalent response, from both men and women: Being helpful and caring about others is the right way to be, so don’t let fear hold you hostage. As Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.” The vast majority of those you reach out to (or hold the door for), will be grateful for it.
I’ll end with a small sampling of some verbatim responses from several men – men who are choosing to continue a lifestyle of steadfast servanthood. Men for whom most of us are very grateful:
- “If you see someone nearby you who needs help, and you have the ability to help … well, stand up and help them! I never feel any pressure to sit back and not help. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. If another guy is quicker than I am, I think ‘I should have moved faster!’”
- “I do not feel the pressure. And I will not stop helping. If a woman takes offense, I know I only had good intentions, and it won’t stop me from helping at the next opportunity. Very few take offense to this gesture of aid, and I feel those that do are the ones missing out.”
- “I watched my dad open car doors for my mom, every time they went out. Clearly, she can open her own door! (It’s a gesture of kindness and respect.) I do the same thing today. If I were to ever offer help and be shot down, I wouldn’t be offended. I’ve taught my boys to hold doors, offer to lift heavy objects, and so on. I believe God put this in our hearts.”
- “In my early 20s, soon after accepting Christ, I started offering to help with things like changing tires, holding doors, and all kinds of stuff – including one time intervening in a violent domestic dispute. I’ve been told off and sometimes just given the evil stare but most of the time the feedback is positive – at least 80% positive. So it doesn’t bother me if someone wants to do it themselves. My mother taught me that a real man offers to help – and actually does help – when help is needed.”
- “Your article is spot on, and yes I do hesitate – especially if the women is younger than I am. The dynamic in our culture can be intimidating. But I fight the hesitation and always ask if I can help or hold the door anyway. The reality is that a heavy suitcase is hard to put in the overhead bins, regardless of gender. I raised two sons to hold doors, help people, and to stand up for others who may not fight for themselves. We will not back down from those biblical principles that empower men to be strong, kind, and step up.”
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