Truth #4: Most people just want simple, biblical guidance, and to know they are not alone.
The vast majority of questions, concerns, heartaches, and dilemmas around sex will not require a high level of expertise. Most people just need biblical direction, the sense they are not alone, and new ways to talk about the topic with their spouse. (One of the reasons we designed Secrets of Sex & Marriage the way we did, is so couples could read it together and begin good conversations.) And they want the reassurance that even leaders don’t have it all figured out.
As Denise Doxzon told me, “Since that weekend, I’ve had conversation after conversation with people saying, ‘Thank you for simply being vulnerable, because it led to me being vulnerable with my spouse.’”
Most people aren’t expecting their pastors or mentors to know all the specialized answers to their sex questions! They simply want wisdom and encouragement. They want to be reassured that they are not a bad Christian for having certain temptations or insecurities. They want someone to say, “I don’t know the answer to that, but here’s a resource you can read that might help.”
And where specialization is important, nearly every church will have trustworthy speakers, advisors, or written resources they can partner with or refer to. The key is for these advisors to stay in their lane and if a topic comes up that they can’t answer — for example, a non-medical person being asked a medical question – to refer those questions to a true specialist.
Two Next Steps:
In Part 2, you’ll see some practical ideas for what a church can do to get started. But here are two big picture suggestions for now:
- If you think your church is doing well in this area (if they talk about sex, if they have safe places people can get help, if the pastor addresses it, if they have other initiatives) please tell us about the good things they are doing via the form at the end of this blog. You can be totally anonymous if you’d like. In the coming months, we will write another article about it, to provide more ideas.
- If your church is interested in including this topic as part of a marriage event, or even a good, sensitive discussion as part of a Sunday morning sermon series, we would love to talk to you about speaking at your church. Please reach out to us to start that conversation; we can help you brainstorm ideas and share what we have seen work well. (You can also see information about our general marriage events here.)
Is all the effort worth it? YES.
Denise Doxzon offers great perspective to close out part 1: “Yes, addressing the intimacy topic might feel awkward, and yes there might be some pushback – but the fruit far outweighs what the pushback might be. If you’re willing to be vulnerable and you walk in humility and forgiveness with one another, conversations like this pave the way for more and more transparency and healing. It is so worth it.”
Jeff and I couldn’t agree with her more. We’ve seen it with our own eyes. And we would love to see churches across America witness the same, transforming truth.
Click here to tell us what your church is doing well in this area.
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