Fact 3: And because he’s being a dad … stuff may happen
Part of giving up control and being okay with a dad’s “way” means realizing that things will not always work out the way we want. As we mentioned in the earlier blogs, a dad is far more likely to engage in rambunctious play – or let kids do so – than a mom. Which means it won’t always be all safe.
I remember a weekend family retreat where I shared these points with the women on Saturday morning and then spoke to the couples that night. A woman came up to me that evening and said, “So while we were in here learning about how men parent differently, some of our husbands were out driving around on the grass with the kids in the backs of their pickup trucks! My husband hit a hard bump and our 10-year-old son tumbled out and broke his arm. So we spent the afternoon in the ER.”
She sighed. “I was really upset at first. I thought what happened was proof that I shouldn’t trust my husband, no matter what you said. But then I calmed down, reminded myself that my husband is a smart guy … and realized that if my son is going to become a strong man he needs that sort of insanity and adventure instead of always being protected by mommy. And that is just going to carry a risk that I’m going to have to trust my husband with. I know it’s crazy to say, but I think I’m just going to have to keep reminding myself that my husband loves our son just as much as I do!”
Fellow moms, I know that “allowing” our men to be dads can go against every protective instinct. And yet if we prioritize only protection, we will indeed have a safe, protected child – and will never realize just how much our child is missing.
Now, of course, all bets are off if we suspect that our man is truly reckless, under the influence, or cold and uncaring. In that case, ignore this whole piece and get advice from someone who can help you keep your kids safe! But in most cases, our man’s judgment is not defective – it’s just different. And it changes everything when we counter the temptation to close the gate by opening it instead, even if it might mean a few more winces or even ER visits than we would have had if we were the only parent.
(And yes, it will help to repeat to ourselves: My man loves the kids just as much as I do!)
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