What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 2)

Action #3: If they don’t bring up their preferences and boundaries … ask.

If our child doesn’t set boundaries for things like how frequently you should get in touch, the types of input that is helpful versus frustrating, and what the joint expectations will be for when they come home for holidays, we can help them think those things through. We can jointly discuss what those expectations will be. And this holds true for each new season they enter, which probably will have different expectations and boundaries. For example, what they want as a freshman in college will look different than when they are a senior in college (and different after they have graduated and have a job). We need to be proactively asking and adjusting at each step.

As we respect their lower-stakes boundary lines (e.g. how often we’ll touch base or whether it’s okay to “just stop by” their apartment), we may see really healthy conversations emerge around higher-stakes boundary lines (e.g. where they will spend the holidays or what their living situation looks like). We can have constructive dialogue, but we cannot impose our viewpoints on our adult kids. Thankfully, as we refrain from doing so, we’ll likely discover that a healthy two-way respect develops for our boundaries, too.

We may not always agree with the boundary lines our adult children draw. We may be hurt or even tempted to use guilt to control them into moving those boundary lines. But sowing seeds of respect and understanding is what we’re going for. A short term “win” is never a win if we blow the long game. Embracing this new season as a parent, with all its new opportunities, will solidify the loving relationship we want with our kids for years to come.

While the first two blogs in this series have shared parenting strategies for the empty nest years, come back next week when we’ll explore ideas for staying connected (or reconnecting) as a couple after the kids are gone.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear the empty nest parenting approaches that have worked for you! Please leave a comment below (or, if you’re reading this in my weekly email, hop over to the blog and share your thoughts.)

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