Action step #2: Purposefully create and spend time together
At a marriage retreat, one husband lowered his voice to share something.
“I feel like I’ve lost my wife,” he said. “And I don’t know what to do. We were both so wrapped up in the kids, it defined how we related to each other. Now our youngest has gone to college, my wife is depressed, and we don’t know how to relate to each other. We’re having to learn each other all over again.”
Even though it was born from a hard realization, I liked this husband’s “learn each other” language. Ideally, we’re doing this as we go along – staying connected as couples during the parenting years. But if we’re suddenly faced with taking a “crash course” in each other when the kids move out, one of the only ways to ace the course is to become friends again … which requires creating and spending time together.
You can be super busy and still find ways to do that – but that’s the key: you have to find ways. Jeff and I love watching college football together (go Blue!), joining friends for lunch after church, or simply sharing coffee to start the day. As I told the man at the marriage retreat, whether you two volunteer at church, take walks, or start a new hobby, our research has found that time together is key.
(A quick aside to the couple who feels like time together is strained or that they don’t know their spouse anymore; our research also found that getting back to being friends is one of the most vital keys. Because with a friend … you can work through almost anything.)
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