Truth 3: When it is not challenged, suspicion feeds on itself
My research for The Kindness Challenge showed that a suspicious, negative mindset tends to feed on itself and become worse. We subconsciously go looking for more signals that there is reason to be suspicious – and discount those that demonstrate we might be wrong.
When we suspect our colleague is out to get us, we notice that she also disagreed with us in that big meeting … and that her budget isn’t being cut as much as ours. At the same time, we completely misinterpret why she praised our report to the boss. (“She only said that because she was involved in it.”)
Sadly, suspicions can also become self-fulfilling prophecies. When we get upset with our friend for taking someone else to the beach and assume they are avoiding us, we might act hurt and disappointed over time. Which might make our friend increasingly uncomfortable and bring about the very end we fear. A spouse who endures repeated accusations about wanting to be at work more than home may adopt even later work hours simply to avoid the nightly inquisition – causing the original suspicion to become true even when it didn’t start out that way.
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