What Wives Need Most From Their Husbands (Part 2)

Emotional Need #5: A sense of deep security – in you, rather than in your finances 

 A common misunderstanding men have about their wives is that financial provision makes them feel most loved and secure. Don’t get me wrong – that is much appreciated! But here’s the truth that startles most men: 70% of married women would give up financial security, if that was necessary to get emotional security in the marriage. 

Read that sentence again slowly.  

Think about all those extra hours at work; all the extra nights on the road at just one more construction site. If your wife is like the majority, those extra finances are valued and appreciated . . . but may not be nearly as important to her as your presence.  She may care far more that you are physically and emotionally available to leave work and cheer for your child at the soccer game, than about the extra overtime hours. 

So here are some practical suggestions:  

• Respect her enough to ask her what her priority is – and then believe what she says. In our interviews we have seen that many men don’t believe their wives could really value time over, well, overtime. If she is in the 70%, tell your wife you may need extra encouragement believing this one.  

• Next, ask her what “speaks security” most to her. It may be that she is fine with your extra work hours – but that when you’re home she wants you there rather than gaming or distracted.