5 Truths Your Pastor Wishes You Knew

Truth #5: They need friends

Pastors have a roomful of congregants hanging on their every word—and probably can’t be true friends with any of them.

Pastors are always “on” with members of the church (even if they don’t want to be) and can’t have the vulnerability that is required for building real friendships. While you can talk about your frustrating colleague in a church small group, they can’t. Their colleague is your child’s youth pastor or your worship leader!

Data shows that quality friendships are incredibly important for your pastor’s wellness. In his research, my friend Dr. Jonathan Hoover, the author of the recently released book Stress Fracture, and a team of researchers have been conducting research on pastor wellbeing and have found that wellbeing is incredibly connected to whether they have friends they can talk to.

In fact, in her Fall 2022 article published in Influence magazine, one of those researchers, Dr. Kristen Kansiewicz, found that pastors who reported no close friends had the highest depression scores. And—get this—with each close friend, the depression score decreased. (For that research, 850 Assemblies of God pastors were interviewed from June to December 2020.)

A friend for the pastor is something we can pray for. Jesus stayed up all night praying before he chose the twelve disciples (Luke 6:12-17). Imagine what would happen if we prayed fervently for our pastors to find and form good friendships.

Acting on these five insider truths will bring refreshment to your pastors. So, read this blog at your small group. Forward it to the elder board, prayer team, or key volunteer leaders at your church. And for yourself, pick at least one item that you can act on this Pastor Appreciation Sunday—and for many Sundays to come.

Improve your relationships with simple, actionable steps backed by proven research! Visit
SurprisingHope.com to learn about our courses.

Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Send
us a speaking inquiry request today!

Please note: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small
amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you
anything.