Sitting on the couch watching TV while her husband Jared gets a snack from the kitchen, Carla sees his phone sitting on the coffee table and wonders if she has enough time to take a quick peek at it before he gets back. It’s not suspicion or paranoia, she tells herself—it’s just curiosity. Jared’s been texting up a storm since dinner. She doesn’t want to come out and ask him, but she’s dying to know: who has he been texting... Read more
For a moment, I’d like you to picture a mortifying scenario that may or may not have actually happened recently. Imagine that you’re an author and public speaker. Imagine that, hypothetically, you’ve spent fifteen years uncovering ‘aha moments’ about relationships – and that your audiences are usually quite engaged and interested as a result. You love the fact that your listeners leave wanting more! Now imagine that you have a brand-new research topic, and you’re invited to share it... Read more
After finding herself on the receiving end of her husband’s hurtful behavior one too many times, Andrea questioned me about a principle I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. As she saw it, all that principle does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences. “Who cares what their intentions are,” she said, “if the result is pain?” Andrea’s husband says... Read more
Back in graduate school, I clashed repeatedly with one of my classmates, a guy with very strong opinions and a personality to match. Not being a wilting lily myself, it was easy for me to go to Mach 2 when he would say (in front of the whole class), in a condescending tone, “Shaunti, if you had ever worked in the area we’re talking about, you would know that your approach is how amateurs think.” I would jump to defend... Read more
One of the key relationship principles I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages is the importance of not holding anything back emotionally. Since the book came out, we’ve heard from a number of people who expressed uncertainty about the balance between being “all in” and having boundaries with our spouse as described in the book Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. Do you wonder if boundaries can (or should) be a healthy part of a happy... Read more
In my research with thousands of men for For Women Only, I discovered that the things that light your man up—and the things that hurt him—are quite different from those that would do the same for women. And while we know men are indeed visual and many times “external” in their thinking, there are actually much deeper areas of a man than we might realize. This means that if we want to improve our relationships with the man we love,... Read more
It started off as a nice Saturday, right? Doing yard work together, going for a walk, and even a sitter scheduled for the evening. But then it seemed to go south fast with an argument about paying off the credit card versus taking a vacation at the lake. You want to get your finances under control and she wants to spend time as a family away at your favorite getaway spot. You think she spends money too frivolously and she... Read more
Every political campaign brings more contention into previously civil political conversation—among friends, Facebook “friends,” family members, and even between husbands and wives. Many of us couldn’t wait for the last election to be over, so some of the division and rancor could stop. But instead of a return to civil public discourse since the election, it seems to have gotten worse. Of course there’s value to impassioned ideals and strongly held convictions. It’s when the expression of those opinions—and how... Read more
The past five months have been one crazy ride. Think “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” with some spinning teacups and a “Tilt-A-Whirl” thrown in the mix. I’ve traveled extensively for speaking engagements, launched a new devotional for women (Find Rest), launched a curriculum about relationships and money (Men, Women & Money), traveled the country for research for our next book (also about relationships and money), battled sickness that knocked me down hard (well, actually, my staff sent me straight to bed... Read more
Yesterday, Jeff and I and our two kids were hustling to catch a flight to Colorado, when we all just…stopped. In the area where people routinely wait for incoming travelers, were a mom and three kids. But their large, red-and-black, lovingly-made poster-board signs were anything but routine. “HAS ANYONE SEEN OUR INCREDIBLE DAD?” asked one. “DAD, YOU’RE MR. INCREDIBLE!” spelled out the other two… along with a series of statements about what made this father such a superhero to... Read more
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