With everything going on these days, what with juggling an intense season in my next research project, AND helping my mom and dad after his stroke, AND getting my daughter off to college, I realize I am in dire need of advice from others who have been there before me. Especially in the mornings, since I am the furthest thing from a morning person, as my long-suffering husband can tell you. It’s hard enough for ME to get out of... Read more
Craig makes a good income, and Lindsay always sticks to their budget—but Lindsay feels like Craig is always nervous about her spending, and it makes her nuts. She doesn’t see him as a control freak in any other area except this. He checks their bank account every day to see how much Lindsay has spent on clothes, gifts for the kids, new household decorations, or whatever. Recently, she totally lost it when she found him poking through her shopping bags.... Read more
Matt and Jessie never used to fight, but there have been a lot of arguments, or almost-arguments, the last few months. Matt is on the verge of losing his job due to a restructuring at his company, and they have three kids under the age of five. So he’s tense and on edge all the time, and little irritations tend to blow up into arguments. Jessie can’t stand the kids being around that. And she hates conflict in general, so... Read more
It’s a big week. One of my closest friends and I stood next to each other during worship at church this Sunday, with tears rolling down our cheeks. Our kids were born three weeks apart… and this is the week we are moving them to college. I was fine until I realized move-in was less than one week away. Suddenly, I started realizing what that would actually mean. It wasn’t just that we wouldn’t see her running downstairs in her... Read more
Now that the new school year is upon us, I’m reminded of a woman who wrote in to ask for advice on dealing with her oldest son who was having a tough first year of high school. It involved him leaving old friends behind in middle school, trying to make new ones, figuring out what teams to try out for and navigating teachers and classes that were challenging and sometimes unfair. Thankfully, though, he was still talking to his parents... Read more
According to Deborah, her husband Marcus has an anger problem, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. They’ve always had “intense discussions,” but lately he’s been getting furious and walking away. As she tells it, they recently got into a fight on their way out of a restaurant, just because she told him that he shouldn’t have eaten so much, and he definitely shouldn’t have had dessert. He actually walked away and left her standing at the door—if she... Read more
We have all heard the funny saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. When it comes to processing strong emotions, this could be close to the truth! And understanding those differences will give you much better communication – especially when you need it most! Wives, when you are in a passionate situation that causes a display of emotions – let’s say you are really upset about a problem at your kids’ school and you disagree how to solve... Read more
Sitting on the couch watching TV while her husband Jared gets a snack from the kitchen, Carla sees his phone sitting on the coffee table and wonders if she has enough time to take a quick peek at it before he gets back. It’s not suspicion or paranoia, she tells herself—it’s just curiosity. Jared’s been texting up a storm since dinner. She doesn’t want to come out and ask him, but she’s dying to know: who has he been texting... Read more
For a moment, I’d like you to picture a mortifying scenario that may or may not have actually happened recently. Imagine that you’re an author and public speaker. Imagine that, hypothetically, you’ve spent fifteen years uncovering ‘aha moments’ about relationships – and that your audiences are usually quite engaged and interested as a result. You love the fact that your listeners leave wanting more! Now imagine that you have a brand-new research topic, and you’re invited to share it... Read more
After finding herself on the receiving end of her husband’s hurtful behavior one too many times, Andrea questioned me about a principle I shared in my book The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: it’s important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions. As she saw it, all that principle does is give your spouse license to hurt you again and again without consequences. “Who cares what their intentions are,” she said, “if the result is pain?” Andrea’s husband says... Read more
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