***SATIRE***

Well, the 2020 U.S. Election has taken an unexpected turn for many Republican supporters, but some have not thrown in the towel yet. In light of Trump taking legal action over the possibility of fraudulent votes given to Democrat Joe Biden, many Republican supporters are adamant that the election is far from over.

“This election was stolen!” shouts an outspoken Brude O. Viepürz, who happens to identify as a die-hard Republican-voting Protestant. “It was foretold that the man of perdition would perform signs and wonders in the end times! Biden totally raised a bunch of people from the dead so they could vote for him!”

When asked to provide evidence for his claims, Brude replied, “Where else did all those surprise votes come from? We won this election! They’re just too wrapped up in their little feelings to understand the facts!”

He continued, “See, Trump has been chosen by God to bring Jesus back to America! We all thought Obama was the anti-Christ, but Biden is the one we’ve been told to watch out for! The spirit rising up within me can feel it!”

When asked about Biden’s faith, Brude replied, “That demon-crat is a Cathlick! He follows that guy who wears those white bathrobes and a funny hat. That’s what happens when you don’t follow Jesus — you start dressing like a pagan freak pretending to be all righteous and whatnot. That’s what the Pharisees did. The Bible says don’t follow a mere man like the Pope!”

At that moment, a college student wearing a medical mask approached and jumped in, “I’m a conservative Baptist Christian and I didn’t really want to vote for Trump, but I just can’t in good conscience support Joe Biden’s position on abortion and euthanasia. Plus it actually goes completely against Catholic social teaching — which, as a Protestant, really doesn’t make sense to me!”

Brude interjected, “That’s because the Pope is a pro-abortion liberal Marxist heretic who’s involved in the deep state! And that mask you’re wearing means you’re one of them sheeple! You know they’re using a COVID vaccine to make people wear the Mark of the Beast? Betcha they don’t teach you THAT in college! Wake up and Google it!”

Just as the student tried to pull up a Catholic news article on his phone stating Pope Francis’ pro-life stance, Brude continued, “Some people claim they follow that Francis-dude, others follow Biden. Were you baptized in the name of Obama? Well, I got news for ya. I follow JESUS! Biden’s NOT MY PRESIDENT!”

As the nervous student slowly backed away, Brude adjusted his MAGA hat and began to wave the label of his Trump shirt in front of the camera while chanting, “FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!”