A recurring theme that often comes up in your average Bible study is the verse from Ecclesiastes, ‘There is nothing new under the sun!’ What it means is, no matter what kind of trends or issues happen in the world, a similar occurrence has happened at some point in history. Whether it’s wars, genocide, corruption or revolution, the events we see nowadays often have parallels in the past. Nowadays, the latest trend that seems to catch the ire of social… Read more
February 4, 2021
Study Reveals Using A Saint In Your Profile Picture Increases Holiness
February 4, 2021 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** A groundbreaking study has revealed there is a correlation between the type of profile picture you use on social media and your impeccability. It is believed if you use a picture of your favorite saint or pope, you automatically acquire an astronomical amount of holiness. We don’t know where this study came from, but it was briefly mentioned on the RETVRN TO TRADITION podcast, so it has to be legit. “I don’t have to worry about whether the way… Read more
January 12, 2021
The Power Of Words And The Cult Of Personality
January 12, 2021 By René Albert
As a guitarist, I would explore as many influential artists as I could in order to refine my riff-making skills. A couple of heavy metal bands I used to frequently listen to were Slayer and Pantera — mainly because of their aggressive styles of guitar playing. But as I got older and eventually had children of my own, I began to realize the vulnerable curiosity they had towards my own words as well as the lyrics of music I would… Read more
January 5, 2021
The Pro-Life Authenticity of The Mandalorian
January 5, 2021 By René Albert
With the conclusion of the season finale of the television series The Mandalorian, it is without a doubt one of the best examples of visual storytelling in the Star Wars universe since Return of the Jedi. But it is not just the aesthetics and attention to detail that make this series an instant classic, but the morality behind the protagonist’s character that makes it a force to be reckoned with. Before you proceed to read the rest of the article,… Read more
January 4, 2021
New progressive bible translation says ‘manna and womanna’ fell from Heaven
January 4, 2021 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** In a bold move, modern scholars have decided to update the language in the American English translations of the Holy Bible. After U.S. Democratic Congressman Emanuel Cleaver ended the opening prayer with ‘Amen and A-woman,’ an entire theological can of worms was opened up that nobody saw coming. In the wake of the controversy, an outspoken atheist critic weighed in on Twitter, “What kind of a loving sky-daddy only gives one flavor of manna? Torturing people with feeding them the… Read more
January 1, 2021
Top 10 Most Read Articles of 2020 by Coffee & Crucifix
January 1, 2021 By René Albert
After first blogging in the winter of 2016, I never thought I’d still be doing it nearly 5 years later. In the late fall of 2018, I was fortunate enough to get in touch with Patheos manager Rebecca Bratten Weiss — thus beginning my new adventure in becoming a regular contributor to Patheos Catholic! Oddly enough, some of my articles from previous years have continued to gain traffic, which tells me there is a significant level of recurring interest in their… Read more
December 23, 2020
Vatican declares ‘Festivus’ a holy day of obligation
December 23, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** In the wake of an unexpectedly difficult year, the Vatican has added a new holy day of obligation to the liturgical calendar. With nations undergoing precautionary measures to offset the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Catholic Church now considers December 23 (popularly known as ‘Festivus’) to be an important day conducive to the season of Advent leading up to Christmas Day. For those unfamiliar with the background of this day, the term ‘Festivus’ was popularized by Frank Costanza… Read more
December 15, 2020
Bible School Relationships, Sexuality and Purity Culture
December 15, 2020 By René Albert
There’s an ongoing joke among the Evangelical circles I’ve associated with regarding Bible college that says, “Ring by spring or your money back!” Though the ‘money back’ part isn’t exactly true, there an underlying, not-so-subtle expectation among Christian young adults that they might happen to meet their significant other while attending Bible college. The expectations vary among individuals, and it would be disingenuous of me to say that every Christian goes to Bible college specifically to get married. Many Christians… Read more
December 9, 2020
Why Does The Catholic Bible Have Additional Books?
December 9, 2020 By René Albert
Christians all over the world unanimously agree that the books of the Bible are divinely inspired by God. But between Protestants, Catholics and Orthodox Christians, there is much disagreement in which books are considered to be inspired. While they all contain 27 books in their New Testament, they vary in how many books are included in their Old Testament canons. While the Protestant bible contains 66 books in total, the Catholic bible has 73 books as well as additional passages… Read more
December 7, 2020
New pope projected to be lead singer of metal band Ghost
December 7, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** Well, it happened. Catholics all over North America have had enough of that Francis-guy and pushed the Vatican to hold another conclave in a rush to choose the next Pope. But as it turns out, it wasn’t someone anyone had expected. As smoke billowed from the chimney of St. Peter’s Basilica, the sky darkened and the sound of roaring guitars, wailing drums and piercing synthesizers could be heard resonating behind the Vatican City walls. The new (un)holy father happens… Read more
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