Christians all over the world unanimously agree that the books of the Bible are divinely inspired by God. But between Protestants, Catholics and Orthodox Christians, there is much disagreement in which books are considered to be inspired. While they all contain 27 books in their New Testament, they vary in how many books are included in their Old Testament canons. While the Protestant bible contains 66 books in total, the Catholic bible has 73 books as well as additional passages… Read more
December 7, 2020
New pope projected to be lead singer of metal band Ghost
December 7, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** Well, it happened. Catholics all over North America have had enough of that Francis-guy and pushed the Vatican to hold another conclave in a rush to choose the next Pope. But as it turns out, it wasn’t someone anyone had expected. As smoke billowed from the chimney of St. Peter’s Basilica, the sky darkened and the sound of roaring guitars, wailing drums and piercing synthesizers could be heard resonating behind the Vatican City walls. The new (un)holy father happens… Read more
December 2, 2020
Protestant believes in Purgatory after long drive through Saskatchewan
December 2, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** Calvin Wesley, a Bible-believing follower of Christ and devout Protestant, was on his way to Winnipeg, Manitoba to visit friends and relatives for the holidays. Typically he would fly to and from his hometown in Vancouver, British Columbia since the short flight, though more expensive, just made much more sense timewise. But due to unprecedented flight restrictions due to the COVID-19 pandemic, he decided to make the 24-hour road trip for the first time. Little did he realize his… Read more
December 1, 2020
Is Honoring And Venerating Saints Equal To Worship?
December 1, 2020 By René Albert
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From a non-Catholic Christian perspective, anything to do with giving honor or veneration to the Virgin Mary or saints can be quite intimidating. The first thing that usually comes to mind is the first of the Ten Commandments, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before. You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that… Read more
November 23, 2020
Church Militant accidentally plays Seinfeld theme music during The Vortex
November 23, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** On a livestream episode of The Vortex, viewers were greeted with an unprecedented surprise. The signature bass-driven intro jingle suddenly had a slightly different, yet familiar, sound. Most of the crew at Church Militant thought nothing of it in the moment. But as it turns out, the techs in the sound engineering accidentally played the wrong music track — which turned out to be the intro theme music from the popular 90’s comedy television series Seinfeld. Michael Voris, host… Read more
November 20, 2020
Benedict XVI Comes Out Of Retirement, Declares Decaf Coffee A Sin
November 20, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** It’s not everyday a modern pope makes such a bold statement on something as simple as a drink. But it appears Benedict XVI has felt the spiritual calling to set the record straight. The Pope Emeritus has come out of retirement and assumed the papal chair while reading a letter of exhortation titled, “Capulus est Vita,” which translates in English, “COFFEE IS LIFE.” A Vatican spokesperson states, “Papal infallibility is like that really amazing tool you’ve bought from the… Read more
November 19, 2020
Saints Are Sinners, Too.
November 19, 2020 By René Albert
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I’ve been a longtime admirer of Pope John Paul II even during my Evangelical years. The recently released report on former Cardinal Thomas McCarrick may shake other admirers as it has revealed that he (among others) was complicit in enabling Cardinal McCarrick (an accused sexual deviant and abuser) to rise up in the Church hierarchy. Some believe JPII’s experiences with communist smear campaigns against the Church in Poland that involved false accusations of clerical sexual abuse have influenced him to believe… Read more
November 13, 2020
“Don’t follow a mere man like the Pope,” says Protestant with MAGA hat
November 13, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** Well, the 2020 U.S. Election has taken an unexpected turn for many Republican supporters, but some have not thrown in the towel yet. In light of Trump taking legal action over the possibility of fraudulent votes given to Democrat Joe Biden, many Republican supporters are adamant that the election is far from over. “This election was stolen!” shouts an outspoken Brude O. Viepürz, who happens to identify as a die-hard Republican-voting Protestant. “It was foretold that the man of… Read more
November 4, 2020
Archbishop Vigano has been rock star Phil Collins all along
November 4, 2020 By René Albert
***SATIRE*** Archbishop Vigano is no stranger to controversy. He is most widely known for calling out Pope Francis for negligible church leadership. Little did everyone know that Vigano is also an avid rock musician walking around in clerical garments. Turns out the veteran Catholic cleric has been former Genesis drummer and vocalist Phil Collins this whole time. Now everyone can see his true colors shining through. After enjoying the success of being one of the biggest pop-rock artists throughout the… Read more
October 28, 2020
Why I Don’t Celebrate The Reformation (And Neither Should You)
October 28, 2020 By René Albert
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When I attended an Evangelical summer youth camp when I was 17, we had a theme called ‘couch potatoes.’ For those of us who spend copious amounts of time watching television, playing video games or scrolling through social media, it’s easy to allow ourselves to sit on the couch while not considering the content we absorb from the screen. Whether it’s watching or reading a news story, a kid’s show or even the latest season of our favorite reality-TV show,… Read more
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