3. Take full responsibility for anything you’ve done to contribute to the breakdown in the marriage. Admit your own mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
You can’t force your spouse to see all their own faults and take responsibility for their own wrongdoings, BUT you can model the way by going first. Even though your spouse might be the one with the “majority” of the fault here, you still need to swallow your pride and take responsibility for what you’ve done wrong and admit what you could have done better. Ask for a fresh start.
If you say, “I’m sorry, BUT…” or “I’m sorry if you got your feelings hurt” or any apology that deflects responsibility or adds an excuse on the end, then you’re not really apologizing. Swallow your pride and apologize. It’s disarming and it paves the to healing. Say, “I’m truly sorry that I hurt you. I have no excuse for my actions. I was wrong. Please forgive me and allow me the opportunity to rebuild the trust I broke.”
If and when your spouse apologizes to you, say, “I forgive you. I’m letting go of my right to get even and choosing instead of pursue healing in this relationship. I won’t use this offense as ammunition in future disagreements. I love you. Let’s move forward.”
4. Follow your commitments and your faith; NOT your feelings.
We live in a world that worships feelings. In fact, we’ve even reduce “love” to be nothing more than a fickle feeling, but love is actually MUCH more than that. Love is an action rooted in commitment. In the days ahead, you will have all sorts of feelings. Those feelings and emotions might help you process what’s happening, BUT those feelings were never intended to be the compass to guide you. Instead, trust your commitments and your convictions. Stay the course. Keep fighting for your marriage (especially on the days you don’t feel like it). Your feelings will probably catch up eventually. This ties in directly with #5…