Lost

October is pregnancy & infant loss awareness month. Today, I’m sharing over at RaisingMothers.com about the ones I’ve lost.

:::::

When I was younger, I was a big ball of happy, jumbled emotions when my ex & I decided to try for our first child. This unknown, unmade hypothetical baby was something I’d wanted since forever. We were married for 4 years and I begged him to start trying from the morning after the wedding. I had deeply & desperately longed for a baby since I was 14 when my completely obnoxious & raging maternal instinct kicked in. In fact, so strong were my desires for motherhood that I’d actually convinced my high school boyfriend that we should try for a baby.  And we did! At 15! Lord Jesus & Father in Heaven thank you that that didn’t happen.

Many years later, my ex & I married young. At 23, I was a new wife. Now that I felt the security of a stable home and an adoring, gainfully employed husband I was ready to procreate. My ex, however, was not. At all. He wouldn’t be ready for another 4 years. Between then and the birth of my first born son I did what I could: I prayed for my unborn children religiously. I prayed for each & every one that would ever be. I hoped for 3, 4, 5 at least.

Join me in reading the rest over on Raising Mothers?