Don’t Do Ish You’ll Regret…Like I Do

I did something so profoundly stupid I’m convinced it’s going to remain in the top 5 of the biggest regrets of my lifetime.  You’re probably giving me the benefit of the doubt, eh?  Your thinking I’m either A) being too hard on myself or B) that this giant mistake happened 8 years ago.

Nope.  Not so much.

I did, in fact make this whopper only a few months ago, and it was…well, a biggie.

Anyone relate?

Making a HUGE Mistake Still isn’t the end of the world

I’ve done things wrong before, obviously.  This time was different.  It was much more sacrificial…more weighty for more people.   And of course, it involves relationships.  It’s not something you could ever figure out, (nor something I would share in this context).   It’s not your standard neat and tidy mistake in the manner of bank robbing, adultery or stabbing someone in the back.  No, like any regret worth it’s weight, it was complex, layered and a mixture of  good & bad motives.

In short, I screwed up.  And it hurt people, myself included.

I used to see those cheesy Pinterest pins, “mistakes are the portal to discovery,” or “your mistakes do not define you” and think ‘PUH-LEEZE!  Seriously, who allows their mistakes to define them?  Who goes through some mysterious portal to discover a secret universe of revelation after they’ve made a mistake?’

Well, friends now I can truly say…me.

There’s just something in particular about this recent snafu that got me bogged down in a world of regret and shame, so much so that I even considered -for at least 10 minutes- shutting down my blog.

I wanted to hide, maybe not more than Kristen Stewart wants to hide but at least 75% as much.  Honestly, I’ve felt badly watching her take on world-wide scrutiny.  I found myself thinking, ‘you gotta move on baby girl, it’s not the end of the world, K-Stew…the world and even you will eventually get over this.’

And then I took a dose of my own meds!

Here’s how to Move on after a Self-Made Catastrophe

The first thing I did once I felt absolutely filled to the brim with regret was acknowledge my mistake and ask for forgiveness.  Regardless if the hurt parties choose to forgive or not, it’s always helpful to get those knees dirty and attempt amends.  I do this first with God, then any and everyone else I need to.

2.  Decide you will forgive yourself.  It took me a couple of weeks but I decided to let myself off the hook & be kind.  Through prayer, I decided that I HAD to forgive myself.

3. Decide you won’t hide forever.  I “hid” for a few days.  I hid behind happy pictures and cut myself off from quiet reflection so that I didn’t have to face the knot in my stomach that flared up each time I considered my absolute stupidity.  I knew I couldn’t continue to live that way, but I sensed a few days of “noisy” would be helpful.  It was.

4. Figure out what happened and learn from it! I went through step-by-step-by-painful-step of where I went wrong.  And you know what I discovered?  It’s about the gajillionth time I’ve done something similar.  Different ages and stages in life, same booty mistake.

Since I know with 100% certainty that this a weak area I need to learn from it.  Excuses about this particular character flaw of mine are -at this point- TRIFLIN’.

5.  Commit to moving forward.  You & I are not the sum of our mistakes.  If crackheads can get off the candy and get on to a better life than I know we can get through our ish!  In every way possibly, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually I decided, realized and committed myself to MOVE ON.  My alternative being death by regret & sorrow.

Since this wasn’t that long ago, I’m still reeling a bit, but committed to not letting this overtake me.

In the midst of all this drama I learned that an essay I wrote is going to be published in the I Speak for Myself: 40 American Christian Women Under 40  Anthology in 2013!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My first thought was to bow out gracefully, feeling that I just didn’t deserve this opportunity.

After a few days and working through these steps I decided that I’d be letting my mistakes rule me, and regret beat me.

Nope, I’m going down like that!  I’m from the D, baby. =)

Tell me, what helpful things have you done to work your way through life-altering mistakes?