Ye Canna Change the Laws of Physics!: A Chocolaty Kitchen Adventure

So I tried to make an ice-cream soda today. I made… something!

First attempt: Maybe two scoops of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream (I KNOW, you don’t have to say anything) went into a big glass. Then I melted a Lindt chili chocolate bar in the microwave and poured that in. Then started to fill the glass with club soda but realized that the melted chocolate bar would make things fairly warm, so I added some ice cubes, then filled to the brim w/soda water.

At which point the laws of physics attacked me without warning, as they are wont to do. The ice made the melted chocolate harden up again, so I ended up with a glass of chocolatey soda water + big rugged lumps of chocolate.

Second attempt: I drank off some of the chocolatey soda water as I waited for the ice to melt (it’s hot here, man, it didn’t take long), then scooped the chocolate lumps out and re-melted them. By this time I had basically realized that an entire bar of chocolate was unnecessary but, you know, #yolo. I scooped a tad bit more ice cream in and topped with the re-melted chili chocolate. Then added a bit more club soda to fill it up and stirred a LOT so that it would get creamy before the chocolate re-hardened. That sort of worked-ish.

I’m sipping this now and it is pretty excellent, though there are definitely still texture issues. There’s basically no way to keep the drink ice-cold while keeping the melted chocolate smooth and creamy. Also, tbh this really was too much melted chocolate. I love the mild chili burn but it’s a bit too mouth-coatingly rich.

Pros: Really, really chocolatey. Carbonated! Cooling!

Cons: Nature is a language, can’t I read? Also, this is expensive, especially compared to the homemade lemonade with which I’d been slaking my thirst until now.

My question: Are there options for future ice cream sodas other than using chocolate syrup? I’d like something dark and rich with, ideally, either chili or cinnamon or both.

The future: A bit more experimentation with this, since I still have more than half a pint of ice cream & a lot of club soda. But I’m also going to look into other summer drinks, e.g. jalapeno lemonade, jalapeno watermelon crush thing, and… idk, something with basil? I hear people put basil in drinks now. Talk to me about your virgin summer drinks.

And finally, re: the title of this post: