Straight Pride?

Straight Pride? June 8, 2019
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Pride Because Beatings

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This week, a gay couple was riding a bus in London, they were holding hands. They weren’t discussing Straight Pride. One of them was on a sabbatical for medical studies. These weren’t “butchy” women looking for a fight. The men began taunting them, wanting them to kiss each other for their entertainment. The scene exploded into violence and before they knew it, their blood was spilled.

Pride for the Oppressed

This week has been a loud one for those of us in the LGBTQ community. With gay pride celebrations taking place shortly, those who oppose gays, especially the Christian right, are making their voices heard as well.

A Pride Song to Sing Loud

“Straight Pride” isn’t new, it surfaced in the late 1980’s, although I was oblivious to it at the time. It has been used by conservative groups as a political stance and strategy. Whenever the LGBTQ community sings its song to end oppression and hate, Straight Pride is one of those voices who tries to sing louder and drown them out.

Pride for LovePride

I am only one person. I hope that by sharing a bit of my journey with those of you who are not gay or at least seek a bit more understanding, and in doing so you may see things from a different perspective. There are people who had long standing relationships on Facebook with me prior to me coming out as gay. Several of those had a heart change toward the gay community because they finally allowed themselves to consider love may trump religious tradition.

Pride for Conservatives

We moved to Florida several years ago, wanting to be near water and enjoy the year round pleasant temperatures. Our first place was a condo that was reasonable. Near it was a subdivision that we began taking walks in. One day, as we walked, I held my wife’s hand and we smiled. The warm sun was on our faces and we both delighted in the ability to just be outdoors. That’s when I noticed the car behind us. It was moving slower than five miles an hour. A man and a woman that were white and easily over fifty were in the vehicle.

Pride for The Sneers

The woman glared at us and her eyes locked with mine. I felt her disdain in an instant and I let go of my wife’s hand. They drove past but the feeling stayed with me. They didn’t want us in their neighborhood. We were not welcome and they wanted us to know. I was afraid. If my wife was ever threatened, or hurt, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. She is a nurse, and the kindest person I have ever met. I can’t explain the way it made me feel, I just knew this wasn’t a place to hold hands.

PridePDA (Public Display of Affection) Pride

When we are out in public, we have to consider where we are before we demonstrate any affection toward each other. I do not kiss my wife in public unless we are absolutely sure we are safe. Oppression to me is not being able to be yourself because someone else is waiting to tell you its not okay. It’s not that I want to run around french kissing my wife in public, its just the simple right to be able to express our love toward each other without fear.

Pride For Freedom

When I started working for the Sheriffs department as a corrections officer, it was in Texas. Everyone knows that Texas is an ultra conservative state. On my first day of training, I was shadowing a short blonde woman with glasses. Her hair was wavy and she was stocky. The inmates called her “butch” behind her back. Honestly, I thought she might be gay, that is, until we walked into the booth where the monitors were. An older man was sitting there and they began to have a conversation. It quickly turned dark for me. I realized by her example and several others that being a Christian isn’t always about being loving.

Pride for Their Rage 


“You know what it is, that damn gay agenda”, she said. I had tuned her out as I was trying to ingest all the new material I was learning. As I looked up at her small oval face, I noticed her cheeks were getting redder and she was getting louder. “What is a gay agenda”, I wondered in my mind . Why didn’t I know what the gay agenda was? She started quoting bible verses that I knew very well. Every single one of the verses she used were out of context. I knew, because I had to find the truth in order to reconcile my faith with what I had been taught. She was spraying spit at this point and I knew I had to keep my mouth shut.

Pride For No Audience 

You don’t try to rebuke someone who believes that you are “in error”. If they think that you chose to be gay, you are the person who needs to repent in their eyes. My hair dresser is gay and told me his stories this morning. We can talk to each other about our struggles, but we are an oppressed people. I am thankful for pride because it is an opportunity to be heard. When I told my old Christian friends that I was gay, every single one of them outside of family members walked away from our relationship.


Pride for Rights

When I married my best friend of twenty years, it wasn’t legal in my state. Had anything happened to her, I had no rights in the life we’ve built together. Had she faced a life threatening situation, I could not stand up for her if her family became involved. We had a commitment to one another and yet I couldn’t share her health insurance. Things have gotten better but we still have a long way to go.

One Day Pride for Humanity

I know it may seem silly, but I’d like to put up a picture of myself and my wife at my work. I can’t do that now because I see fifteen to twenty mental health clients a day. A few of those clients have used words in my office like, “faggots, gays, and queer folk”. Right now I cannot risk offending someone and possibly getting hurt. One day, I will be able to have a picture of us and our cats on my desk and not be afraid. One day we might see my wife’s family actually communicate with her again without trying to get her to stop loving me in the process. I believe in one day.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Pan Unicorn

    Straight Pride, like White Pride, is nothing but a reaction to the loss of privilege that a once-dominent group used to take for granted

  • Thanks for your comment Pan.

  • Sean J Bauman

    It is one thing to hold a proper moral belief (religiously informed or otherwise) and another thing to respond in love. We must be careful not to conflate these 2 concepts. The former should be based solely upon truth; the latter should be motivated by human decency and compassion irrespective of a particular moral conviction. In this case, affirmation of homosexuality is not a prerequisite for loving homosexuals; but affirmation of the homosexual as a human being, intrinsically valuable and loved by God, is.

  • Statistics Palin

    First, you speak only for yourself. Second, your approval is nothing that I want. Third, I never accept shame from the shameless.

  • Statistics Palin

    Homosexuality deserves our respect because it is a form of love.

    Christopher Hitchens

  • Robert Megaffin

    Wow ….

  • FrustratedGrace

    Oh please don’t apologize! I found your words and was thankful for your voice. I also liked your analogy. Thank you for taking the time to share so much of your heart here. I appreciate the effort and hope that others see your comment. All the best, PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Kathy, you are so very brave and I applaud you for your journey sis. I have appreciated your friendship and your willingness to share here. It means SO much to me my friend. I just love you and hope to be able to tell you that face to face one day. I really do..hugs sis..

  • FrustratedGrace

    Haaaaaa…love it…PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Absolutely… 🙂 PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Well…you took valuable energy to shove that in my direction..perhaps you read a bit. I pray for you, that you learn, as I learn, a greater depth, width, height and breadth of God’s love. All the best, still…PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Hello again, thank you for commenting again. No one is shaming you and I’m sorry that you ever got that impression. We each, ultimately, speak only for ourselves so…done. I never thought you needed my approval. I pray for you a second time today, that you would be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath. PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it so very much. All the best, PK

  • Category 6

    Sure☺, and same to you.

  • Ron Richardson

    Firstly, let me apologize for the ignorant behavior and attitudes of my fellow Christians and the fear the LGBQT community faces daily. It’s just wrong. Jesus commanded us to love, unconditionally. Many wrongs have been committed in the name of God and His word throughout millennia. It takes a long, long time for that bigotry to fade. This is likened to what the black community went through after the slaves were freed. That took over a hundred years of suffering before they were finally accepted as equal and still, there are those whom choose to keep that bigotry alive. Keep your faith, have patience, be careful and keep keeping on. Once again, my apologies!

  • Damian Matthew Hall

    I personally do not conflate morality with sexuality, and it’s unfortunate and abhorrent to me that so many point to the “slippery slope” argument and pedophilia when looking at “right” sexual relationships. The idea that homosexuality is sin is very much a “fear of hell” based position, regardless of the attitude of pity that many take when using the “love the sinner hate the sin” pov. I do not take my ideas on what is moral from bullet pointed lists, in fact my idea of sin will be completely alien to many in that I believe sin always comes from the heart, or lack there of. I would hope that others challenge what they believe fearlessly, like I have and follow this search for truth wherever it may lead. Condescension is not love, and it does nothing to either help the “sinner” nor enhance relationships or the self respect of those who have always been children of the Father in Heaven. That is what it is very much about to me. For Jesus, elevating a persons place in the universe from the apparent guilty, to liberated and unconditionally loved child of God was at the centre of his life and teachings. When the world realised that, you watch it change. But don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself. Thanks PK.

  • FrustratedGrace

    Thank you Damian. I appreciate your comments and as they stand alone, shall leave them for other sojourners…All the Best, PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Ron, thank you for your tender heart and warmest regards. I still believe in humanity and ultimately we will embrace our differences far more than just flocking with birds of the same feather. All the best, PK

  • Illithid

    Hello, I just stumbled upon your blog. I’m motivated to comment here because I’ve seen SP’s comments before and have somewhat been where he is. First, if you didn’t see it, he wasn’t addressing you, but Sean.

    I remember being very angry at Christians in general because so much of the hatred directed at me was done so by Christians. Sean’s comment seems very much in the vein of the old familiar “love the sinner, hate the sin” which is weaponized against us. I still have a bit of rancor toward those whose interpretation of their religion causes them to see LGBTQ+ folks as inherently evil or who see any expression of our sexuality as sinful. I try to engage such people politely when I do so at all, but I didn’t always have such restraint.

    Though I don’t share your faith, I have enjoyed your writing and appreciate your story and your peaceful responses to even hostile commentors. You and your wife remind me of my great-aunts, sadly now deceased, who met as nurses in WW2. It’s them I think of when people say same-sex marriages or love aren’t real.

  • Ron Richardson

    Intelligent and mature come-back Palin. You do more to devalue Christians than you do to represent a God that is love and in Him is no evil. You don’t represent my God, nor my Christ

  • Jennifer Fields

    I feel like so much of this hatred would go away if the bigots would just pick up a science book. Heck, almost any book! Not to over-simplify hate, but there is a direct correlation between ignorance and bigotry.

  • swbarnes2

    No. None of this is about possessing the wrong set of dry scientific facts. It’s about sexism. You can’t treat women as things without a clearly delineated split to gender roles. Conservatives can never fully accept anything that undermines those rigid rules. Oh, some might make private exceptions for friends and family, where being true to their sexism would be personally inconvenient, but overall, they will never accept anything that leads towards men and women being equals.

  • Mr. James Parson

    As an atheist, I look forward to the days where family don’t accuse me of being immoral and wanting to sin.

  • Mr. James Parson

    It was well said

  • Chris Hogue

    Pride should only be reserved for only as George Carlin puts it, accomplishments and not things that happen due to circumstance like being born in America or being born with a silver spoon or having surgically implanted so you stand funny like the president. You can accomplish a lot of different things, but overcoming straight oppression will never be one of them.

  • Lark62

    True. But ignorance and bigotry is a choice. The willingness to take in new information and learn facts can cut into that ignorance and bigotry.
    Of course, that is why bigots normally resist education and facts.

  • Lark62

    You clearly would not recognize a “proper moral belief” if it walked up and sp-nanny-it in your face.

    There is nothing proper or moral about the belief that loving the “wrong” person is yucky.

    The truth is that some people are born g-nanny-ay, some people are born with brown hair, some people are born left handed, and some people are born tr-nanny-ans. There is no moral implication whatsoever in any of that. For centuries, christians taught that birth defects were a curse and proof of sin. For centuries, christians beat and shamed left handed children. They were wrong, as are you.

    The truth is nobody is born a bigot. Bigotry is a choice.

  • FrustratedGrace

    James, respect..

  • FrustratedGrace

    Love it…

  • FrustratedGrace

    Yes…agreed Jennifer..

  • FrustratedGrace

    Definitely another issue…thanks for the comment!

  • FrustratedGrace

    haaa…snarky..but good..

  • Adam “Giauz” Birkholtz

    I knew a Chris Hogue. I disagree on overcoming oppression. That is never an all or nothing affair. Rather, victories are incremental. LGBT+ people and their supporters can show pride in those victories and pride in themselves as people when the world tells them one aspect of them should make them feel shame.

  • Chris Hogue

    I agree that people should take pride in overcoming oppression. The oppression I mentioned overcoming is the non-existent straight oppression.

  • Sean J Bauman

    “You are wrong because I say so.” Got it. I didn’t come here to debate morality with anyone, nor the origins of homosexuality, nor the origins of transgender…but rather to make the distinction between the expression of love and morality. If you care to challenge the topic I raised (rather than one I did not), then we have something to talk about.

  • Velaseri

    You didn’t come to “debate” anything, and yet you got to spew out your archaic venom, under the seething veneer of christstain “compassion.”

    Can you leave your god in your church, and not inflict your death cult (and it’s warped “morality”) on the rest of us? Thanks.

  • Sean J Bauman

    How tolerant of you…

  • fractal

    In the fifties when I was born, I would have been considered “gender-nonconforming” had there been such a term. And yes, childhood was horrific, as I was ordered and forced to comply with all the dog-whistles showing I was sufficiently feminine.
    It was the constant snickering and hoots and spitballs from Catholic School kids that was most painful—all of it sanctioned by the adults who chose to condone it by doing much the same.

    Thank Goddess the sixties came, and Frye boots and blue jeans were acceptable fashion for everyone!

    All this nonsense about gender roles and gender dress was obvious to me from age 5, when I first began to identify as a feminist—don’t tell me I can’t play baseball or be a jockey when I grow up—and frankly, there wasn’t a Christian in sight who would have supported my ideals.

    And so I became a Feminist Taoist early on, before I ever heard of such a concept as yin/yang.
    I am heterosexual, but I am no “lady”.

  • fractal

    You REEK of passive-aggressive “holier-than-thou-ism.

    Take your moral authority and “truth” and shove it.

  • fractal

    Implying that YOU are the holder of moral authority and truth, is just plain irritating.
    Kinda like the Jews in the bible telling everyone they are the “Chosen People of GOD”.
    Of course that is going to set people off!

    It is patronizing, snotty, and presumptuous.

  • Pennybird

    And it’s why conservatives “love the uneducated,” as our ignorant, bigoted president once said.

  • Pennybird

    My interpretation of using “agenda” as a frame, is to make it sound intentional, therefore chosen, and not natural and unchosen. And this is often their starting point – that it’s a choice and not nature, therefore Jesus would approve of their scorn.

  • Robert Conner

    “To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.” Thomas Paine

  • Sean J Bauman

    The irony is that I’ve not made a single moral claim. You’ve read into my statements and rendered judgement based upon assumption. And if your assumption sets you off, well, that sounds like your problem.

  • Velaseri

    Where did I say I was tolerant of abhorrent, obsolete abrahamic religions?

    You might be thinking of the ‘moderates’, who prefer living in negative peace and coddling your delusions with Kumbayaya’s.

  • soter phile

    So… you want them to become apathetic about their current belief system – at least enough to affirm yours.

    How is that not the same sort of ‘conversion’ they are desiring for you?

  • soter phile

    Dismissing out-of-hand an entire group as simply ‘ignorant’ is almost verbatim the definition of bigotry.

    NB: bigots are found all across the spectrum.

  • Mr. James Parson

    I appreciate it is a catch-22.

    If a Christian believes they have to share faith at every moment they can, then asking for silence would be ask them to deny their faith.

    I would rather that I didn’t have to talk about why I am an atheist. I wish the topic never came up. But I can’t do that, I have to be ready to respond every time some religious injects it into public sphere.

    Back to the main topic. LGBT people should just be able to live their live the way they want to. They should not have to defend who they are. Society as a whole is not there. They are still not full participants. They still have to put up discrimination. The sooner that is over the better.

    The sooner atheists can come out of the closet, the better.

  • Mr. James Parson

    This atheist observes that you one of the very few that ever said any like that. TY

  • Ron Richardson

    Mr. Parson, the so-called Christians who judge ans spew hate are antiquated dinosaurs and do not represent my God, the God I know, nor do they represent Christ, who came to earth for the very purpose of squashing hate, prejudice and injustice. They’ve become the pharisees

  • FrustratedGrace

    Thank you Rainbow. As they say, hatred is taught and ignorance is often learned. I too was raised heterosexual and when someone was nice to me in my teens, my biggest insult was to tell her that she was “gay”. Now, I have grown up a bit…and I’m thankful the boundaries have come off of what I identify as love. All the best, PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    Rainbow, good to see you again. The funny thing about life? Even the moderation I use for these comments flags the word “gay” as “restricted word”. We have some ways to go to make the world better. Thank you for your comments, I agree with you whole heartedly. All the best, PK

  • FrustratedGrace

    I appreciate your comments but I would ask that you consider that seeing someone live their authentic selves is not “shoving”. When someone expresses things on their Facebook that I don’t want to see, I hide their stuff. I don’t feel that their shoving anything on me. That’s the beauty of freedom, it allows for every expression. If that’s a bed I have to lie in, I will gladly do so. All the best, PK

  • fractal

    If Christians would stop trying to legislate away my rights, via the voting booth, they would get a lot less flack from the rest of us.
    Stop being Bullies, and they objecting to people pointing out the obvious.
    Y’all sound pathetically whiny.

  • Brandon Roberts

    straight pride is unneccesary.