I Kissed Christianity Goodbye

I Kissed Christianity Goodbye August 10, 2019
Cover Done by PK Langley

Waves and Moves of God?

I remember when the book came out. It made a splash across the Christian community like a fat kid in a public pool. We all got wet from the fall out. I was a youth pastor in a non-denominational church at the time and my heart was in the right place. I followed the river of mainstream Christianity and drowned with everyone else under the river of guilt and condemnation that always follows such movements. Remember “The Purpose Driven Life” debacle?

Thanks, Joshua, You Meant Well

The books title was called, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris (my rendition is pictured). The book was published in 2003. The church I was involved in at that time was about three hundred to three hundred and fifty congregants. We had an impressive youth group for a church of that size with about seventy teenagers. They came from the streets primarily, and we got flack from the leadership because we didn’t have more “good white kids” involved in the church. Christianity was flourishing at that time and gathering its zealous troops.

Works Based Righteousness

Christianity drove us into works based righteousness all the while we were telling people we chose “relationship over religion”. Blind as bats we were, mindlessly marching off to Easter Island, like Pinocchio, while we all turned into donkeys. The kids were all taught purity and when the book came out, you could see members of our youth group cradling their own copy. This, like any other works based righteousness had their poor teenage hormones raging.

Purity For Jesus

Around the time of the release of the book, two of our kids, Brian and Cassidy, fell in love. They both pledged themselves to purity, which was a lot harder on Brian. He was being groomed as a youth pastor and was always at the front of the church, dancing and praising Jesus. Brian was oversexed, often manic and a chick magnet. Most of the girls were drooling over Brian, but he was laser focused on Cassidy. She was meek, mild and determined to cross the marriage line a virgin. Brian and Cassidy made a vow of purity. Every single time they blew it, we had to go through weeks of counseling. The prevailing thought of Christianity was tearing them apart.

Broken Lives

Brian and Cassidy made it to the altar, but not without a bit of tarnish on their purity bands. They fought horribly, and it even got physical with Brian blackening her eye once. They had left for ministry school so Brian could become a full fledged pastor. The school was out of state and with no support, Cassidy came running home less than two years into their marriage. They divorced and Cassidy walked away from the non-denominational church. Brian moved on to a new girl that was “on fire for God”. As an adult, he struggles with a porn addiction but hides from those he pastors. The story of Brian and Cassidy is true, but their names were changed.

Joshua’s “Diving Deep” into Deconstruction

Christianity choked on the July announcement that Joshua Harris, author of, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and a couple follow up books, was separating from his wife. This was followed by an announcement of his impending divorce. The ball kept rolling down the hill when Joshua made other announcements even more damaging to Christianity by announcing his deconstruction from the Christian Religion. Here is his statement:

“The information that was left out of our announcement is that I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is deconstruction, the biblical phrase is falling away. By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now.”

Enter Dr. R. Albert Mohler Jr. from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Dr. Mohler wrote a LONG article about Joshua Harris. As I was reading, I could feel the pulse of what he was saying, (Here is the article: https://albertmohler.com/2019/08/01/joshua-harris ) and before he went “there” I knew where he was headed. I know the Christian mind like the back of my old religious hand, and it still reminds me of how the religious train of thought goes. Dr. Mohler throws out words in his lengthy scroll like, “important, most important, extreme importance, danger, and stunning” in support of his argument that biblical purity is still a thing. He wants us to believe it’s sanctioned by God, the bible and Christendom. He’s right on the Christianity part, but he’s missing it because his theology won’t let him see the truth.

Dr. Mohler is Full of Christianity

He even tries to throw Joshua a bone by giving him kudos for being honest. Dr. Mohler then does what I used to do, what I knew he was going to do, what Christians have to do; he said that we must conclude that Joshua will either repent for turning his back on Christianity, or he was “never one of us” to begin with. I call BS, Dr. Mohler. This appears the fall back position for a bible believing Christian. “That guy just wasn’t really ours”. Not true at all. You can leave Christianity without losing your faith, Dr. Mohler. That appears to be a premise that Dr. Mohler is likely unprepared and over educated/indoctrinated to see. 

The Elephant in the room IS Christianity, and its Interpretation of the Bible

Christians don’t like it when you don’t support reformation and declare what Joshua did, that it would basically be better to extinguish Christianity than to try to rework it somehow. I agree with him. I’m in favor of creating something new, something different. Joshua didn’t say he was walking away from his faith. He said he was walking away from the religion of Christianity, BIG difference. He has chosen to join the ranks of those who are deconstructing. Joshua is not alone.

Christianity, the Religion for the Religious

I applaud Joshua for his courage and for his voice in an ever-changing faith landscape. People are waking up to the fact that Christianity, whatever it may be, doesn’t cut it anymore. We have become wise to the fact that Christianity, with its rules and regulations, is a religion. Intelligent, passionate, human beings have chosen to walk away from Christianity, but not their faith, and the numbers are growing. My thinking is that something wonderful is happening and I’m fortunate to be a part of it.

Want to Learn About Deconstruction?

If you are interested in deconstruction, please go to LangleyTown.com and you will find over eighty books listed there that will help you in your journey to see the truth. I want to say a big thank you for Joshua’s courageous announcement to the LGBTQ community as well. It takes a brave heart to admit mistakes on such a public stage.

Find Joshua Harris on Instagram Here, and his website is here.

Available publications by PK Langley

PK Langley
PK Langley

PK’s Fine Art Store where you can find many of the Frustrated Grace Prints.


PK writes short stories about life. They are in the form of ebooks for $1.37 each. Get them here.


Religious Deconstruction, The Frustrated Grace Series is now available, with over two hundred comic images on Amazon. You can get a preview of every single one here.

All Things Equal,  is an exposition for women and how God

sees them from a very “biblical” point of view. It was what I needed in my first push toward deconstruction. Get it here.

Deconstruction tools

LangleyTown has a specific page for materials that will help you with your deconstruction. I recommend eighty books or more that you can read. Some I have read, others have come recommended by friends along the way. Find them here.

PK Langley’s most Popular Blog Posts!

I Quit Church And I’m Happy About It




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Check out, Paradigm shift to Spirit led living.

Read, “When the Good News Goes Bad” by clicking here.


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Caleb

    Obviously you haven’t clearly opened your eyes enough. Harris clearly stated he has “undergone a massive shift in regard with faith in Jesus.” to quote him and you have mentioned at a point in your article that he walked way from “religion” and not the faith.

    Sounds like your argument has fallen apart in that very misjudgment that you’ve made. As such, it would only be right for you to take down the article.

    If he knew what Christianity is and that at its core is grace from and faith in God alone, then he is without a doubt talking about faith in Christ which in its essence is what Christianity is.

    Unfortunately, you seem to think the two are different or have a very skewed understanding of what Christianity is. The article holds no weight.

  • Caleb,

    Thank you for your comments. As blogs are opinions, taking down an article just because you disagree is neither right nor logical unless we are not allowed to voice our opinions. As such, it shall stand as it is. Christianity is a religion, and has become a mediator between God and man just like any other religion. It was called Christianity, not by those who followed Christ, but was derogatory in nature at its inception. It is a term and as a “word”, it cannot take away from a holy, beautiful relationship with God. If we get hung up on the choosing of the word Christianity, we also tangle it with the religion it has become.

    This is what Joshua, and that is his name, has undergone. We call it “deconstruction”. It is a liberating process and I’m celebrating that he is not alone. If that offends you, then I am sorry you are offended. I believe it is because you embrace religion over relationship, but I could be wrong. You could have a variety of reasons for coming here. At the least, thank you for reading. I would have hoped you would have been more constructive, but it is your opinion and I give you that space. PK

  • fractal

    In any religion, there are 4 basic types:

    The Networker:
    Not really a believer in anything, but likes the fellowship and business connections. Often grew up in that particular faith or joins a church they find less objectionable than others.

    The Fundamentalist: Asserts doctrine, religious law, the importance of salvation by their chosen God or God-representative. Asserts their beliefs and methods as the “ONE TRUE” path. Loves hierarchy, dualistic thought and is invariably misogynist. Tends to break into divisive factions.

    The Humanist: Do-gooders who think their way to spiritual success lies in action; specifically, good works directed toward those who are suffering. May be more involved in social work, political movements and “causes” that they feel reflects their religious ideals.

    The Mystic: Those who have direct experiences of Divinity, where they are overwhelmed with feelings of unity, joy, acceptance and peace. Tends to think of God in terms of “immanence” and “looks within” to find the Sacred.
    Tends to be anti-authoritarian, egalitarian, artistic, rejects dogma, sees God as open-ended and endlessly creative. Able to easily relate to Mystics of all religious leanings without hard feelings or doctrinal disagreements.

    Looking at the way people approach their religious path, rather than the path itself, says way more about them.

    Josh is rejecting Fundamentalism; it is the only kind of Christianity he knows.
    I don’t care what religious tradition he decides to celebrate; I know that he will choose a path with heart, and follow it.
    He has been brave and open; now is the time for him to really LOOK at what the world of Spirit offers us all.
    There are more ways to Goddess than there are rays of the sun.

  • fractal

    Stinkin’ Thinkin’.^^^^^

  • Caleb

    The only thing that stinkin here is the idiocy with which you’re talking.

    From your views above, it seems you have no knowledge of what Christianity and what the gospel stands for and are another kind of person who refuses to accept anyone who tries to tell right from wrong and offended by anyone who tries speak objectively. I know your kind.

    As such,
    Any further comments on your thought process or an attempt to debate with you will only be futile and stir up your folly and place on a higher pedestle.

    I rest my case here. I stumbled upon this poorly thought and written article by chance, but will leave this page intentionally for I don’t intend to wrestle fools.

  • fractal

    Why don’t you tell me more about “my kind”?

  • Sandy Eden

    “Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.”
    ― Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

  • FrustratedGrace

    Sandy, I appreciate your comment. How did this quote impact you? What path did you take? I would appreciate you sharing a bit if you have time. Thanks, PK