I remember like it was yesterday. Kevin and I were pretty young. 4 children. I was homeschooling them. We were youth group leaders. Loving and serving Jesus the best we knew how. Grateful for our little family. Until one day… We saw a homeschool acquaintance at the mall. We chatted and began to catch up on each other’s lives and families. He asked if we were going to have any more children. We said we didn’t know. Hadn’t done anything... Read more
“I feel like I’m jumping off a cliff”. These were my words to Kev in the sunroom yesterday. Into the unknown. I know, now that song is in all of our heads. I even listened to it this morning wondering if it applies to this post. It does. Sort of. When your faith deconstructs? There is a whole world of unknowns. See how I worded that? My faith deconstructed. I didn’t deconstruct it. Not one particular person is to blame.... Read more
Why are evangelical christians so gullible? Prone to conspiracy theories? Ready to take a stand for something/someone having no idea where the truth is? While I was filling up our coffee pot this morning, it just sorta dawned on me. I read a meme last night which said Donald Trump is all about us trusting God. Joe Biden is about us trusting government. Donald Trump is a “hero” because he talks about... Read more
I can’t trust myself. This is what I was taught. Nothing good in me. Therefore, nothing to trust. My thoughts? My intellect? My instinct? My heart? Nope. Trust not of it. Don’t lean on your own understanding Which… is biblical. I get that. But then, who’s understanding do I lean on? Where do I go for wisdom? Answers to life’s biggest questions? Oh, right. The scholars. The ones who “know” the Bible. The older men... Read more
I remember this season well. True Love Waits. Lots of high school girls coming to hear Kevin and I tell our story and explain why it is best to wait until you’re married to have sex. Videos were shown about STDs and the importance of waiting. I understand our intentions were good. I’m very sorry for the message that these young ladies received. I’m realizing now just how damaging the purity culture was, bringing more guilt, shame, and fear than... Read more
How does perfect love cast out fear? Why does it say that? I’m sure it is supposed to say perfect love casts out hate. Casts out bitterness. Casts out the need to get revenge. The need to be right. Perfect love should cast that stuff out. So, why fear then? As I think about it, the above list stems from something deeper. Why do we hate or grow bitter? Why do we think people need to think we are right?... Read more
Could my depression have been caused by being a stay at home mom? The long days of same. The never feeling like I quite measured up. Oh, and the “I’ll do it tomorrow” because, you know… tomorrow is the same as today. And when the depression and anxiety set in? You start believing that you could never handle being out in the real world. You wouldn’t make it out there. Depressed people don’t do well out there. Anxiety in public... Read more
An Open Heart. What does that even mean? How do I get one of those? And what does it even look like to have one? These are my thoughts of late. The opposite would be a closed heart. Or, we could talk about a soft vs. a hard heart. A warm vs. a cold heart. All of these seem to work with where my thoughts are taking me. It’s all about posture. The... Read more
I used to use my “depravity” as an excuse. Wait… I forgot to put the word total in there. Total Depravity. As in…complete. All. All of me is depraved. Nothing good in me. Not even an ounce of goodness. Smh. So what did anyone expect? The bar was set real low. The words “I’m a loser” came out of my mouth quite frequently. A young momma, dripping with four small children and a... Read more
There were some years in there where I questioned my parents’ faith. Hear me on this. I was wrong. I know better now. But let me explain to you how it all went down. The questioning of their faith started when I went deeper into evangilcalism. Bible Studies and podcasts. Learning about the 10/40 window. The importance of spreading the gospel to all nations. Even losing your life if need be. Jesus was worth it. It was bad to collect... Read more
Karen Ruth Shock
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