My 10-Point Gay Agenda for The Week

My 10-Point Gay Agenda for The Week January 29, 2013

1. To put nothing before The One who is Love.

2. To not worship Mammon, The Constitution, The Bible, culture or technology (sorry Facebook).

3. To only speak God’s name when I am either talking to or about God. Ecstasy counts since it could be argued I am expressing gratitude.

4. To take at least one day out of seven completely off. We are a two-working-parent household and yes, there are jobs to do, bills to pay, groceries to buy, stinky dogs to be washed, sidewalks to be swept and basements to be cleaned. Without allowing my body, mind, heart and soul to rest I can only bring a fraction of myself to the many roles I am called to play – mom, partner, daughter, sister, digital strategist, blogger, friend and big ole lesbian responsible for all that is wrong in America (that last one is exhausting). Instead of ticking off a task list in the fleeting hours of the weekend, I will clock out for at least one full day and just laze around with the kids playing games or watching tv, eating good food, rolling around on the floor with the pups. When I am done with that I will to switch to a rigorous session of sitting too long by the backyard fire and drinking a good beer. Throw in some praying, reading and singing with friends at church and you can stick a fork in it and call it sabbath.

5. To honor the memories of my mamma by not forgetting the good or the bad and learning to live into the better. To honor the lessons of hard work, determination and loyalty taught by my daddy. I will choose to love my mamma and daddy, not in spite of our long history, but because of it. For who they are is why I am who I am. I will honor my parents by being a good parent – offering my own kids the best of what my they gave me (little things breakfast every morning, badly sewn on Girl Scout patches, trips to the store when I am bone tired and oh yeah, a marriage that lasted until the day my mamma died). I will honor my parents by making plenty of my own mistakes and not repeating theirs (deep insecurity, co-dependance, fear of the new/other/unknown, judging my daughters before trying to understand them or projecting all my crazy onto my kids). I will honor my parents by keeping within me all the good and bad – reveling in the grace and refusing to repeat the sins.

6. To be consistent about the whole no-killing bit. Yeah, the assault rifle part is gonna be a breeze for me, but the not-participating in the suffering and slaughter of the food industrial complex is gonna take a little more effort. No chicken wings and no 5 Guys burgers, no crackling in my cornbread and no B in my LT.

7. To be faithful to my wife in all my thoughts and deeds.

8. To not steal – someone else’s punchline, the credit for someone else’s job well done, another’s joy by trumping them with mine, my daughter’s time with her father no matter how desperately I want to hog all of her days or even so much as an extra bite of fried tofu from Whole Foods before weighing the plate. Oh, and I will become a better, more prolific photographer so I stop using Googled images I did not pay for.

9. To speak the truth as I understand it – every day – no matter the consequences. But I can use my inside voice.

10. To be content with the life God has given me to live. To truly understand and be grateful that I have so much more than millions of people in the world – clean water, warm clothes, soft beds, healthy and thriving children, a committed and faithful partner, a fan-freakin-tastic job that I love and where I am respected, strong bones and a willing heart. I will not covet the iPhone 5, that convertible Mini-Cooper car, that new pair of kickin’ cowboy boots, perky little boobs that I will never have again, wrinkle-free skin, or gray-free hair. I will know that: the body I have is enough, the relationship I have is enough, the money I have is enough, the food on my plate is enough, the clothes on my back are enough, the time I have on this earth is enough and all the gifts God has given me are abundant beyond my comprehension.


I am going to try like the dickens to live up to all of it, so help me God.

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114 responses to “My 10-Point Gay Agenda for The Week”

  1. I enjoyed much of your post and one particular statement stood out to me; “9. To speak the truth as I understand it – every day – no matter the consequences. But I can use my inside voice”

    I’m thinking that what you mean by using “my inside voice” means you want to be sensitive in not ramming your opinion down people’s throats. Right?

    I grew up in an evangelical home and the concept of speaking the truth no matter the consequence was drilled into our heads and it is something i am not too fond of now that i’m an adult.

    For instance, just because “i believe” something is true doesn’t necessarily mean it is true. So isn’t it more important that I demonstrate love and grace towards people in my actions/behavior, rather than put so much focus on telling people what i think?

    In other words, it seems to me that there is a danger when “speaking the truth” becomes “telling others what I think is wrong about them”.

    Do you see what i mean?

    Thanks for the post.

  2. Hey Kimberly: I have posted here before and just want to agree with everything Seth said above. I am also the straight christian married guy and I love reading your site. I may disagree with you on a few things but you sure are stretching my thinking and respect for the gay christians out there. God bless you. I read everything you are putting on here and look forward to more.

    • Ron,

      Thank goodness you disagree with me otherwise I might be accused of trying to start a cult! 😉

      But really, I am grateful that you are here at this table where we can learn from one another and walk together as we figure the whole mess out.


  3. So are you a vegan in practice, or do you eat meat if you know it is sourced differently?

    Curious because I have 30-ish chickens (would have to write down all their names for an exact count), five guineas, four goats, four cats, 2 dogs, a horse and a guinea pig. Some of those, obviously can either be used for meat or can provide products without dying (i.e., goats and chickens). I can also tell you that too many eggs laying around is a bad idea… LOL

    Granted, chickens have been selectively bred for centuries to increase egg production or be a heavier bird and/or to not go broody when they would naturally choose to hatch eggs (lucky me – I have several hens who didn’t get that memo). 🙂

    Anyhow. Was curious about that part. Me, I am slowly working towards only eating humanely sourced animal products. I also have lost a lot of my interest in meat in my old age. Not exactly sure why on the second.

    • Lisa,

      I am, in theory and practice right now but the practice is WAY harder than the theory 🙂

      You know, if I had the space for chickens and goats I would be all over a goat cheese omelet every day of my life. because I know those would be some highly spoiled animals 🙂 The trouble is I just no longer believe (unless I see the space myself) that even the eggs in the “free range” cartons are treated in a manner consistent with what I believe is humane and compassionate. I recently watched the documentary “Vegucated” and it is supposed to be one of the easiest to watch in terms of exposing animal cruelty and it was still a heart wrenching, soul squeezing experience – and I highly recommend it (you can find it on Netflix). I have long known in the back of my mind the truth, but it was easier to loll around in my willful ignorance than to actually live into who I want to be. I am not saying I will get it right 100% of the time, and I still struggle with all that it requires and if it even makes a difference, but for now, for me, it is the right choice.

      Thanks for asking 🙂

  4. My gay agenda at the moment is getting caught up on bills, cleaning kitty litter, giving thanks to Adonai, mucinex and claritinD that I can breath, making tea to steep overnight for tomorrow, cracking open one of the books my temple librarian pulled aside for me to study the book of Joshua, thanking you for the pastoral post, cuddleing my sweetie and cats, and visiting my grandmother this weekend.

    This is what a totally fabulous lesbian life looks like!! (Extra emphasis on the breathing part)

    Take care


  5. Thanks Kimberly, should I ask on the comments section? Or should I send them directly to you? I appreciate your openness; I hope to reciprocate.

  6. Love all of these!! Don’t we all need to step back sometimes and regroup?

    Have enjoyed reading your blog – found you through Rachel Held Evans. Have a good friend who recently came out to me and I am learning a lot from you. Thank you!

      • Glad you’re here Seth! Thanks for being at the table and creating a welcoming space in your own journey 🙂

        • Thanks for welcoming me Kimberly! 🙂 As a strait married Christian guy, I’ve been trying to work through LGBT issues (both politically and within my Christian faith). It’s hard to find willing conversation partners for these topics as I come from very conservative Christian circles. Your blog is helpful, along with Rachel Held Evans and Justin Lee. Kimberly, you are the only Side A partnered Christian I know of (tho I’m sure there are many others somewhere) so your perspective on life and faith is quite valuable to me!

          • Seth,

            I would be honored to be a conversation partner with you. I am truly an open book and happy to answers as many questions as I can and hear as much of your story as you feel comfortable sharing. You may see me say this in more than one blog, and it is because I believe it deeply, questions are holy and certitude is specious at best.

            We’re all in this together,

  7. Hi Kimberly. Great 10 points, and I love your attitude to life. I am pleased you are taking a day off a week, because I sense you might be driving yourself get it all right. Just have them there as reminders and enjoy life. Especially give yourself spacious days for the one day a week, knowing the love and presence of Jesus, just for you.

  8. You left out my favorite “gay agenda” list item: “Make the world fabulous”. Because this world can use all the “fabulous” it can get.