So I’ve generally ignored the kerfuffle around a theologically, psychologically and sociologically ignorant little post called “10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry” by Dr. Kim. Recently there have been some really good responses that finally got to me.
I feel all the feels about this sharp response by the witty Catholic blogger Calah Alexander.
Then there is this one by the incomparable Reba Riley who cogently and faithfully takes umbrage with each point. It is upon her suggestion to add my thoughts that I dug a little deeper (and utilized her helpful summaries of his 10 types of women).
As it turns out, when I re-read the original post I realized that I qualify for 7 out of 10 qualities that are apparently essential for a woman to be worthy of Christian marriage.
Check it out. His women to avoid are in bold and italics
The Unbeliever “What then, is a believer? A Christian essentially is someone who believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ. What then, is the gospel?”
Check 1 – I am a believer in the gospel of Jesus Christ that depicts the liberating, life-giving in-breaking of God. I even dig a few words attributed to Paul. Praise be that nothing, nothing, nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ.
The Child-Hater [later changed to The Childbirth Avoider] “If you are adverse towards having children, then there’s a simple remedy for that: single-hood. However, if God has called you to marriage, then He actually expects children.”
Check 2 – I always wanted a child, I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy and I deeply love the daughter around whom my heart orbits. I believe her to be the greatest gift God ever gave to me. I also deeply love another child, a stepdaughter of sorts, for whom I would do anything, even if it means my own heart shatters sometimes when I do.
3. The Older Woman “God intentionally (with good reason!) created Adam before Eve in the First Marriage. Scripture informs us that God created man first chronologically for the sake of authority!”
Check 3(ish) – Well I am older than some and younger than others but I would be more than happy to marry someone older than I if that is what God wills. But since I am an honest, Christian woman I have to tell the truth and say I would marry a younger person if that is who God sends to me.
4. The Feminist “There’s no room within Christendom for the ‘Christian feminist’.”
Strike 1 – Labels are so off-putting and since the word feminist seems to scare some, just think of me as someone who woman who wants the world to be safe and fair for your mother, your daughter, your wife and your brother’s wife.
5. The Sexy Dresser [later changed to The Immodest Dresser] “The way that a woman is willing to expose herself says much about her heart:”
Check 4 – Oh my Lord in heaven above, I prefer sensible shoes, loose fitting jeans and comfortable shirts that cover every nook and cranny. Too much makeup? I have had the same compact of foundation for six months. Six and counting.
6. The Loud Mouth [later changed to The Gossiper/Slanderer] “Gossip and slander are not good things to have in your marriage. Desperate housewives make for desperate husbands.”
Check 5 – I loathe gossip and revere truth above all else. I find no pleasure in speaking ill of others for entertainment or my own gain. I pray every day to use my words for good even if some days I fail miserably and I pray for forgiveness when I fall short.
7. The Divorcee “…unless the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered invalid and adulterous.”
Strike 2 – Oh okay, you’ve got me on this one. It’s a long story that I try to tell little by little every day. There’s still more to tell. One day.
8. The Wander-Luster “The constant desire for new experiences, new places, new faces, and new forms of entertainment only serves to clearly manifest the fact that the woman has not found her rest in God.”
Check 6 – I’ve lived within 30 miles of my place of birth my whole life. I rarely travel more than 10 miles for any sort of entertainment. My little home, modest as it is, is a source of great comfort into which I retreat every chance I can. I may travel once in a while but Georgia is always on my mind. Reading, board games, dog walks and backyard fires are a few of my favorite things. I yearn to find 100% rest in God but I am getting closer every day. I am not the only American Christian who struggles with this quest for inner peace so perhaps we can call it even for now.
9. The Career Woman [Later changed to the Career-first woman] “It’s okay for a woman to be a doctor, attorney, or any other professional…The woman ought to be willing (and even desirous–to some extent) to give up her job for the sake of raising her kids in the Lord.”
Well, sorta check and sorta strike – I spent the first five years of my daughter’s life at home with her. During those years I enjoyed hanging out with other moms at play dates, attending school board meetings and throwing the best little birthday parties in the neighborhood. When she started school I leveraged my pre-mom skills in service at her school. After a few years I answered God’s call in my life to study the bible more deeply, pray more ardently and serve God in the best way I could. I work to live in this world and I live in this world for my family. When I can, I even use my vocation to try to share the good news of God’s love for everyone, everyone, everyone.
10. The Devotion-less Woman “Is the woman having a regular, daily devotional time with her God? If she doesn’t love the Lord now, chances are, she won’t love the Lord after marriage.”
Check 7 – Every. Single. Day
First let me be clear that I believe that women who don’t embody these 10 qualities are beloved by God and worthy of marriage. About this I have no doubt.
That said, I also have to admit that I am grateful to read that the life of faith I’ve cultivated makes me a valid candidate for Christian marriage. I trust that God will send me an equally yoked woman with whom to share my love, life and faith. I look forward to good Christian men like Dr. Kim celebrating our union.