I’m Not Feeling Very Christian

Adding insult to injury – Brenda and I thought we were pregnant. The most exciting life-changing news! We went to the doctor to confirm it with a blood test and it turns out we’re not. Even more so, I got this terrible news while I was preaching in Long Beach last weekend. Talk about feeling like a helpless chump half way across the country while my wife is having to deal with this stuff without me there.

In my head I’m thinking, “Can anything else happen…seriously!?” How much more can our already beaten-down-selves take? And I even tend to think we’re pretty strong and can endure a lot! But as my Mom would annoyingly (but truthfully) say during these times, “Don’t say that because things could always get worse.”

Ok Mom. You’re right. But c’mon Lord.

Here’s what is literally holding me on my last string right now:

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)

And at the end of the day that is the point of faith – you can’t see it but you’re sure you have enough of it to continue moving forward. So I will try to continue moving forward when everything else in my life and spirit has had enough.

This is looking like a pretty good option right about now.

I’m not saying all of this to get any pats on the back. I just need a place to express the confusion and uncertainty that is flogging my family and my life. Top all of this off with a built up resentment in my spirit recently with some Christian giants I’ve had to take on and get blasted because of it. But what the establishment keeps expressing as normal acceptance, I don’t think is acceptable. And something needs to be done … and said. I guess that’s part of the dying passion that the Lord has placed within me because their good old boys club just keeps things churning along like everything is great.

It’s all just one of those times I guess.

Please pray.

Much love.