Trusting in God when Others Doubt You

Today’s post is from Phil Ross, a student at Indiana Wesleyan University, and a summer intern with The Marin Foundation:

As I wrote about in my last blog post, high school was not the easiest experience for me. I was bullied for the perception that I was gay. I was ostracized by communities that claimed love was their primary goal. During this time, I was often categorized as either a weak and flimsy straight man or an effeminate gay man. Apparently, according to others, I couldn’t be an effeminate straight man. Due to this bullying and constant external categorization of my identity by others, it took me a long time to learn it is okay to not fit into what culture views as “manly” or heterosexual. My identity is in Christ, and I see myself primarily as a human created in God’s image above all other things.

But what happens when others don’t see that?

I used to consider those who categorized me in those ways as simply nearsighted individuals, but now I understand there’s a more troubling, systemic problem at work. I’ve witnessed Christians hedge out members of the LGBTQ community because of the belief somebody cannot be gay and Christian. Let me say I don’t believe that for a second. No one has the power to actually withhold human dignity or Christian identity from another person. But when they speak and act as if they do, it’s hurtful all the same. They withhold friendship and approval. That’s the disparity between how God sees me and how others see me.

Upon initially experiencing the judgments of my identity, I recall how I lashed out at God. “How could you create me this way and yet give ammunition to those who reject me?” Of course, I now understand I was mad at Christians who hold to vastly different beliefs than I do; but for a while, I legitimately questioned how I could trust a God with such nearsighted followers.

When I eventually came to terms with who I am, I realized my trust in God could remain and grow in spite of whatever issues I was having with other Christians. If I’m willing to trust God to lead me through, even though the journey will be messy and rough, God promises to walk with me.

A pastor of mine once challenged my church with a question asked on the behalf of God: “Can you trust me this much?” The words on the screen were all large except for “this,” which was so small it was almost impossible to read for anyone further than halfway from the pulpit. That always stuck with me, and it continues to impact me to this day. Even when some people try and deny my dignity as a human created in God’s image, for whatever reason, I know that doesn’t dictate who I am.