The Patriarchal Man’s Burden

Homeschool leader James McDonald recently wrote a post defending his use of the word “patriarchy.”

And, so it is with the “P” word; the word we know as patriarchy. In our day, patriarchy is quickly becoming a pejorative. It has come to mean, “selfish, overbearing tyrant who seeks to dominate and suppress women and children.” And, let’s be clear, there are those who embrace that term and fit the bill. They have behaved as if the world revolves around them and that women and children exist only to serve them.

However, the true definition of the term patriarchy does not refer to a position of dominance, rather it refers to a position of servanthood. The word comes from two Greek words: patria, which means father, and arche, which means to rule.  In other words, patriarchy refers to a government where the father is responsible before God for the nurture and care of those placed under his charge. Serious stuff.

A man who embraces the biblical call of patriarchy must be a man who strives to love his wife as Christ loves the church, dying to himself and his desires as he seeks his wife’s good—caring for her and nurturing her especially through the Word of God. In addition, a man who embraces biblical patriarchy must invest himself in his children. Instead of viewing his children as his servants, he should recognize them as disciples, bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Jesus gave us a pretty good example of how to treat disciples when He washed the feet of those He was about to die for.

. . .

When men begin to embrace their call to emulate the leadership style of Jesus, when a woman makes the decision to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and when children choose to honor their father and mother, they are embracing the model of family life presented in the Bible. When that happens, we actively hallow God’s name before a watching world. In doing so, we are not living out a term or an agenda; rather, we are living out the call of the Christian family—we are living out the Gospel.

Yeah no, “patria,” meaning father, and “arche,” meaning rule, do not combine to mean that the father occupies a “a position of servanthood.” Nice try there James, but no banana.

It’s worth discussing the way the rhetoric of Christian patriarchy mirrors “the white man’s burden,” the idea that white men had the burden of caring for “less civilized” races through colonization.

Over and over again patriarchal advocates such as James MacDonald insist that patriarchy is actually about sacrifice on the part of the man, as he sacrificially takes care of, protects, and guides the women and children under his authority. That this supposed “burden” comes with being in charge, calling the shots, and telling others what to do goes unmentioned. That the woman being “sacrificed for” might not want to be so “sacrificed for” is apparently not worth considering.

Antebellum slaveholders once insisted that they should be commended for taking care of their slaves, who as “savages” were unable to care for themselves. They insisted that they were actually the ones who had the harder end of the deal, being responsible for the wellbeing of all of those slaves. The slaves had it easy—all they had to do was follow instructions and they would be taken care of! Is anyone noticing any parallels here?

I am so so tired of hearing patriarchy portrayed as though it is something done for women, not something done to women.