Pope Tries to Have It Both Ways on Family Size

In a recent statement, Pope Francis took on couples who choose not to have children:

Pope Francis has chided couples who choose not to have children, saying the decision is a “selfish” act. The statement, made in his general audience in St Peter’s Square, will be seen as especially controversial in Italy, which has recorded a steady drop in its birth rate for decades.

“A society with a greedy generation, that doesn’t want to surround itself with children, that considers them above all worrisome, a weight, a risk, is a depressed society,” the pope said. “The choice to not have children is selfish. Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished.”

The address was focused primarily on the joy of children and their role in society. The pope recalled a childhood memory, when his mother was asked which of her five children was her favourite. “She would say, ‘I have five children like I have five fingers. If they beat one of my fingers, all five hurt. All of my children are mine, but each one is different,’” he said.

But in a visit to the Philippines a few weeks ago, he took issue with people who have too many children.

The pope cited the case of a woman he met who was pregnant with her eighth child after seven Cesarean sections. “That is an irresponsibility!” he said. The woman might argue that she should trust in God. “But God gives you methods to be responsible,” he said.

He said there are many “licit” ways of regulating births that are approved by the church, an apparent reference to the family planning method of monitoring a woman’s cycle to avoid intercourse when she is ovulating.

“God gives you methods to be responsible,” he said, according to the National Catholic Reporter’s account. “Some think that — excuse the word — that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits. No.”

Having no children is “selfish” . . . but having too many children is “irresponsible.” It doesn’t help that the pope praises his mother for having five children but condemned a Filipino woman for having eight children. Where’s the line, then? Six kids? Seven? When does it move from “the joy of children” to being “like rabbits”?

And as long as we’re talking about “the joy of children,” I should note that the pope took some flack last week for speaking approvingly of a father hitting his child. It’s worth noting that spanking is illegal in Italy.

But let’s go back to family size for a moment. I’m getting really hung up on this thing where the pope accuses couples with too few children of being “selfish” and couples with too many children of being “irresponsible.” Is there somewhere where I can submit my medical history and my and my husband’s income and education level, as well as our country of residence, so that we may be told how many children is the correct “godly” number we should have?

Frankly, I am tired—so tired—of anyone, but especially men, telling women how many children they should have. What we should be telling women—and couples in general—is that what matters is that they live full lives and that any children they may have receive the love and care they need to thrive.

I can’t close this post, though, without explicitly taking on the idea that couples who don’t have children are selfish. I know a couple who have no children and are the most caring and giving people I know. The wife volunteers for all manner of causes, and has chosen a career that will pay little but offers her maximum ability to help others. The idea that this couple is selfish for having no children boggles my mind!

And you know what else? I know parents who are incredibly selfish—including parents who have had children in order to gratify their egos, or to serve as extensions of themselves. Sometimes, having children can be a extremely selfish act.

But in all seriousness, I’m ready and waiting for the Vatican to release an online calculator so I can enter my information and learn my ideal, godly number of children. Because at this point, I’m just confused.