Homeschool Socialization Is Not Extraneous

Not long ago, I read a blog post by a homeschool mom Lisa titled Saying ‘No’ to the Homeschool Group. As a homeschool graduate, I was extremely bothered by the author’s attitude toward her children’s desire for friends and time to socialize. I remember being a homeschooled child begging to do co-op because it meant seeing my friends. I remember watching my siblings beg for time with friends. Social interaction is not an optional part of children’s development. It’s critical.

In her blog post, Lisa writes the following:

My kids do not need to do a co-op class. My kids do not need a mom who can’t stay on track with their daily school work because she is busy worried she will forget class or scrambling to pull together some lesson to teach at the last-minute. My little ones do not need to be sent to a nursery room with complete strangers for the sake of the oldest sibling sitting in a room most likely just chatting with a friend (she’s at that stage now).

Hi. I was homeschooled from kindergarten through twelfth grade. That “just chatting with a friend” your older daughter is doing is actually really important. It may be the only social interaction she will have outside of her family that day. There were years when co-op was literally the only time I saw some of my friends. I looked forward to it all week, not because of the interesting we would learn but rather because I would see my friends. And that’s okay! That’s a good thing, actually!

Let me pause a moment to say a word about homeschool groups and co-ops for those who may be less familiar with homeschooling. There are many different kinds of co-ops. Most involve homeschooling families coming together for one morning a week, or one morning every other week, to study a specific subject or subjects. The mothers team-teach the materials and staff the nursery and the children are divided up into classes. I attended a co-op like this that chose a different subject each semester—chemistry, outer space, the Civil War, and so on. Other co-ops bring in outside teachers to teach given subjects. I attended one such co-op that met one morning a week and brought in teachers to teach choir, art, band, strings, and sign language.

Anyway, back to Lisa:

I do know what is best for my children. We have friends that we visit often. We have American Heritage Girls. Our oldest attends Awana. I do not need to sign up to participate in the hottest new home school group on the block. Our children will prosper without them. They will learn without them. They will probably enjoy school more since I will be more focused on them and not on the group of kids I have to teach.

It is entirely possible that Lisa’s children are in enough groups and activities to fulfill their need for social interaction, but I’m not willing to assume that after the dismissive way she discussed her daughter’s desire to sit and chat with friends. Do Lisa’s children want to do another co-op? Has she asked them or considered their desires, or does she assume she knows their needs without even asking? Some kids only need a minimal amount of socialization, but others need a lot. It’s an individual thing. Also? Parents shouldn’t assume they de-facto know what’s best for their children. Speaking as a parent myself, a little parental humility goes a long way.

And then there’s this:

I did feel, for a minute, like a total slacker mom for not being willing to suck it up and agree to take us all out of the house once a week to learn about something. I did bite my tongue when that one mom implied I was letting my anxiety issues hinder my children.

If you have anxiety that prevents you from getting your children out of the house as often as once a week, homeschooling may be a bad fit for you. Children need social interaction—they need friends and activities. Again, it may be that Lisa’s children have all of this and more, but even if that is the case, there may be other homeschool moms out there whose children do not have adequate access to social interaction who see her post as justification for their children’s relative isolation.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying homeschool families needs to join every co-op, or that homeschooled children need to attend multiple activities a day. Again, different homeschooled children are different. Some need a lot of social interaction while others have their needs satisfied with less. For another thing, there are other activities out there besides co-ops, including clubs, classes, and sports teams, and some homeschooled children may play regularly with neighbors. Third, there is indeed such a thing as too busy. I get that.

But you know what? Homeschooling parents need to take their children’s need for social interaction seriously and not dismiss it with a wave of the hand as Lisa does in referring to her daughter’s desire to chat with friends. Socializing with friends isn’t some sort of side thing that just gets in the way of academic time. It’s crucially important. Homeschool parents need to take their children’s socialization just as seriously as they do their children’s education.

And I should know. I was homeschooled.