For well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give.
Question and answer here:
First the question
How can I instill a sense of self-worth in my verbally abused child?
Now the answer – Notice that the question says nothing about a verbally abusive father, but that is where Mr. Pearl immediately goes:
Many children live with terribly abusive fathers who constantly tell them they are no good but the children are aware they are greatly needed to help in the household, are good helping with the younger children, help with the neighborhood children, or grandparents, etc, etc, etc. No matter how bad the dad’s screaming insults are, they bounce off the child who knows better. Sure, it is an ugly situation, but it is a recoverable situation.
When mothers respond to a child with broken pity at how cruel the daddy’s insults are then there can be really scarring damage. This is of course a natural response but none the less damaging. It is time to stop pointing the finger and stop talking about forgiveness— as long as you focus on their hurt feelings, or trying to resolve their hurt, you will be adding to their damage. It is amazing but someday they will actually blame YOU not their dad. It would shock you to read our mail. It is crazy how life works out.
It is time to get your daughter off to the old folks home to volunteer to read to the old ladies or push wheelchair folks outside or sing to some old man as he dozes. She could get a job at a child care center or any place where she can see that she is a true helper. She needs to see results in other peoples’ lives.
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