by Stacy Reaoch from John Piper’s Desiring God – What if God Wants me to Marry Someone Ugly?
Editor’s note: Oh my! This notion in the whole Purity Culture that it is not necessary to either love or be attracted to your husband or wife is a huge setup for an unhappy marriage! If, just if, it really was God arranging your marriage would He not know you well enough to bring you a husband or wife that makes your heart beat faster and you find attractive? I’m always amazed how Evangelical Quiverfull tells people that their God is so strong, but He cannot handle a simple assignment like a spouse that is not only Godly but also the perfect match in all ways.
One night, as we talked about the beauty of God’s sovereignty in planning our futures — and how if God calls her to be married, he has already picked out just the right husband for her — she looked at me with concerned eyes.
“Mom, what if I don’t like the person God wants me to marry?”
And then, with even more concern, she said, “What if the man he wants me to marry isn’t — you know — very good-looking?”
Part of me wanted to chuckle at these extremely candid questions. But really, I have asked the same questions in different ways. The question isn’t as simple as, “What if I don’t like the man I am supposed to marry?” but rather, “Do I trust that God is for me and gives good gifts to his children?”
Matthew 7:11 reminds us that, if we know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more does our heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.
So, when my daughter questioned me about possibly having to marry someone she doesn’t like, or doesn’t find attractive, I directed her to the promise of Psalm 84:11. God will give only good gifts to those who are following him. And although those gifts might not be exactly what we would plan for ourselves, nonetheless they are precisely what we need — for our ultimate good. (And I think this promise will ensure that my daughter, if she does marry someday, will actually like her future husband and even find him attractive. He will shape her heart to do so.)
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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