No Longer Quivering
A concerned woman writes Michael Pearl complaining about her angry husband. Michael thinks it has to be porn. Oh brother!
For well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give.
Original question and answer here.
Dear Mrs. Pearl,
I don’t want you to think I am dishonoring my husband. My heart is to lift him up and be a good wife. Something has happened over the last year that is scary. My husband has always been somewhat given to the flesh and occasionally angry, but now his anger is out of control. He often comes home from work mad—mad at me, the dog, the kids, the car, the guy next door… anything and anybody can bring on his rage. The kids have nightmares and cry out begging him not to hurt their dog because he threatens crazy stuff when he is having a fit. We all try to have everything just right, but he still finds something wrong. We are all a nervous wreck. Sometimes I wonder if he is demon possessed, but then he still goes to church and teaches. What do I tell the children, and what can I do to lessen the anger?
Notice that the letter-writer addresses her question to Debi Pearl yet it’s Michael Pearl replying.
In our more than twenty years of receiving letters, we have observed trends. Once it was child training questions, then homeschooling. There was a trend to seek counsel on dealing with older children, then a common concern for courtship and marriage. Of course, making our marriages great was a major movement. But today our letters reveal that a number of wives are perplexed by their angry husbands. And by investigation we have learned that in many cases the anger comes with the use of pornography. The porn addict who started with moral convictions hates his sin and hates himself—as he should. His addiction has carried him to a dark place where women are objects of lust and passion. They are not respected, and they are expected to be compliant and feed his lusts. One of the first questions we have asked wives of angry husbands is “Is your husband a user of pornography?” Most wives don’t know until we tell them the symptoms. It is common that the advanced user of porn expects his wife to submit to anal use and other disgusting things (changing the natural use of his wife [see Romans 1]). When she refuses, he is angry and often tells her that as a Christian she is supposed to submit to him and satisfy his needs. Don’t become a slave to one who perverts the lovely principles of Scripture for his own abominable lusts. Again, look him in the eye as you say with dignity, “I am not going to take the path to hell with you. God created my body for natural use, not queer perversions.”
Dear ladies of angry husbands, first, make sure you are not exacerbating the problem with antagonistic responses. Be humble. Stand tall with dignity. Submit yourself to the love and rule of God. Say no when it is needed. Look him in the eye as one who is informed with the truth and not afraid of anger or lying accusations. You are a child of God and are loved by God; love in return. He may repent or he may not, but you will grow to be more like Jesus and your children will know the difference between a true martyr and a victim. The victim is timid and afraid, whereas the martyr can “rejoice and be exceeding glad” (Matthew 5:12).
Why does it always go back to sex with these guys?
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