This mildly autistic young man writes in asking Michael Pearl how to keep the wife from exploding when he does not pick up on her signals. Debi replies.
For well over a year weβve been running a second Answering βPreparing To Be A Help Meetβ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since weβve run through many of the questions on their site itβs time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give.
Original Question and Answer Here β Debi Answers
The question:
Dear Mr. Pearl (but answered by Debi who knows how crazy a woman can think),
I have read your book Created to Need a Help Meet and it has been very enlightening. However, I am having trouble translating some of that wisdom into action. For instance, in this article you write βrelating to your wife with knowledge of her status as the weaker vessel.β I know this is critical, but I donβt know what action to take in response.
Lately, my wife has become very upset with my inability to know what she needs and when she needs it without her having to say something. Now, she knows that I have a mild form of autism and that the way my brain works doesnβt allow me to pick up on nonverbal clues, and that I tend to be very literal in how I speak; and while she outwardly claims to be understanding, our most recent argument revealed that she is very upset about it. She thinks even my most innocuous or kind words and actions toward her are motivated only by selfishness. Nothing could be further from the truth, but Iβve run out of ideas about how to convince her. I honestly donβt know what to do, and Iβm beginning to lose hope that I ever will. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Just a confused young husband
Debi replies:
Females have this thing (especially young, newly married gals)βbelieving their husbands know exactly how they feel, what they want, and even what they are thinking. These sweet young brides get raging βhurt,β or maybe a better word would be MAD, when their husband is not sensitive to respond to these unknown needs. I know these things because I have counseled a thousand mad gals, and when I was young I too was guilty as charged. Mike was a real stinker!
A man can learn how to forestall such drama by hugging his dear wife at every possible occasion, looking at her with longing even though his mind is still working out a plumbing problem or mechanical issue. Good husbands learn to make happy noises when they are eating what the darling wife has cooked. A proper husband will often be heard telling folks (in her hearing) how amazed he is at what a gift from God he got when he married this wonderful (emotionally challenging) woman. Most girls finally grow up and learn to appreciate their man. It is amazing, but most females eventually come to really believe that men do indeed think differently than females.
How very 1950s sitcom of Debi!
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